She broke up because she is confused. But I want her

[Carmen]

Al least now you know you can move on to something better. She needs to grow up and you can't be dragged along

[Lite]

Why would you ever want to date anyone who doesn't definitively recognize your worth as a mate, a lover, and a friend outright.... And know that they want to be with you because of this.

Why would you want to date ANYONE who is unsure about whether or not they want to date you? This is a concept that is not difficult to grasp if you are willing to stand up, claim your pair of brass balls, and say to the world, "I have value, and you will respect that."

[sotnasa]

Why would you ever want to date anyone who doesn't definitively recognize your worth as a mate, a lover, and a friend outright.... And know that they want to be with you because of this.

Why would you want to date ANYONE who is unsure about whether or not they want to date you? This is a concept that is not difficult to grasp if you are willing to stand up, claim your pair of brass balls, and say to the world, "I have value, and you will respect that."

She called me and left me a voice mail saying that she made her mind. So I called her back and this is what she told me.

"I am to young to be wasting my youht in a relationship this serious. All I want know is to be free and focus on my new job."

Then I couldn't hold anymore and burst in tears for the first time in 12 years. Then she said this "How can you do this to me?" And then started crying.

I been crying for over 2 hours and IDK how to make it stop. But now I realized that she can never be that person that I can count in my life. But it is hard realizing that after all we shared.

[Lite]

Ugh, this is that point in which I can tell you what you're going to go through, what you're going to feel, and what steps you need to take to feel better, but you won't listen. So, I'll start with this.

We've all been there mate. We've all had our hearts crushed, we've all been rejected at some point, and many times it's really not because of anything we did, or anything we couldn't provide, or be, or really... Anything that we could use as a sense of closure to help make sense.

Just because she didn't choose you doesn't change your personal value or worth. You're not at fault if they can't recognize what you have to give to a relationship. That's their damn problem.

And secondly, she's a b*tch. "How can you do this to me?" Could she be any more self centered and selfish? Seriously?

Look man, if she was worth a damn she'd at least have attempted to comfort you, and said something, anything. Instead she is seeing how much she hurt you, and instead of blaming herself for that she's transferring it off on to you. She is currently incapable of holding herself responsible for hurting someone.

But, pretty much you need to pick yourself up, wipe the tears and snot away, go take a shower, put on whatever music calms the rage in your head, and get some sleep. Tomorrow you'll go out, pick that hobby you've been wanting to take up, and make new memories for yourself that are not tied to her, or anything you've shared with her.

At least, that's what you'll do if you really want to move on right now. Likely emotionally making those choices, making that effort, and doing those things will be far more difficult to convince yourself of right now, but really the choices are easy. Just accept life as it is, and move on with making your life better and whole again.

Stop talking to her. Delete her phone number. Delete her e-mails. Toss the letters out. Put the gifts and photos away. Purge your life of her, and don't accept her calls. Don't respond to texts, don't respond to her at all. Give her no energy, the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. And that's what you're working to get to.

But, yeah, it sucks. I've been there. I thought I'd never find anyone that amazing again. And, then I found something better. My spine, my self respect, my life, and I moved on. Years later she came back to me, apologized, and now we're married. I wouldn't count on that ever happening to you, but life is strange.

[sotnasa]

I took a shower played some guitar and calmed myself a little. It felt good to cry as much as I did. It just hard to process all that information right now. I know I will find someone amazing that will want to give all her heart to me and I will be truly happy again.

But how do I know the next person will do the same? After all she seemed the right person.

As the new hobby everyone says for me to pick out, i guess Ill just use my hours to spend on the gym to get my body in shape for a bodybuilder competition I wanted to get in a while but didn't had the time.

PS: Her best friend came to me after she called and asked me how I was. Then he went and gave her hell. Now she texted me and said this.

"Just f*ucking take my friends with you"

How can I person change in a short time. As right now she is not the person I fell in love with.

[Lite]

Yeah, well really she made her bed. She has to lie in it.

Just do what you gotta do to feel better man, and frankly, the next person you find may be worse. And, that's when you kick them to the curb and keep looking.

[kai]

Do everything what lite said.

Tell you what man, break up is like a war during initial stages. You always should have the upper hand even if you were dumped. How? By not giving a shit about your ex.

She'll realize her mistakes when she'll be fat, with 5 kids and a husband who is cheating on her, but she can't do anything coz she wants to protect the future of her kids. Then you can say "Suck it!".

That is kiddish, I know but this is the only thing that can cheer you up. And if you really want her to repent her mistake then you've to make your life ****ing awesome! Have a good career, with a lovely wife. But, that's the future.

Concentrate on your competition now and NO CONTACT.

[cmacattack1]

It's sounds like your first serious break up from a relationship that meant more to you than anything else, and it's a tough pill to swallow. Imagine how I felt having my first love at 23 years old and doing all the begging, crying, and pleading. It's ****ing sad and I hated myself for it, but I didn't know any better. I let my emotions get the better of me for the first time in my life and it was a new and scary feeling. It's all a learning process and I imagine the lessons in this aren't going to go away anytime soon.

I know she felt like THE one and you want her to be that one right now. But keep in mind that with the billions of people on the planet, or the millions of people in the US, there isn't just one person out there for us. What you feel for her you will feel for somebody else. That is if you get out there and keep and open mind. I'm not saying you will feel like doing that now, and I'm not saying you won't stop thinking about her but you will find another one.

And who knows what the future holds. What does not or cannot work out now might work in the future. Don't think of this as hope at reconciliation, but you do not have to completely write her off either. What's important right now is getting your life back on track and making that effort to get you back to the happy, confident person that you used to be. So you are ready for the next opportunity that comes your way, be it another person or her in the future. People change their mind all the time.

[TheRevengeDoctr]

Her tactics are so infantile it is unbelievable. Does she know the depth of your feelings for her? You have got to be furious and heartbroken right now. What you really need to do is give it a little while, then lay everything on the table and clear the air. Odds are she will just go about her merry way meeting new people, then you'll hear from her a while later saying that she made a mistake or wants to just chat like nothing happened.

I'm sorry for your situation, if you do want to send her a good response regarding her behavior, let me know.

[cmacattack1]

That's if he feels that way after all that time. You don't know how you feel in the future, don't make any epic plans to make a big scene and lay everything out there. The next time she makes the effort to contact you, I guess you can make a judgement call then. Don't expect that anytime soon though. Keep focusing on you and concentrate on other things, maybe even some dating after some time has passed. You never know what you will find it's funny how things will pop back up in your life when you least expect it.

[sotnasa]

I woke up today feeling much better after reading all the advices and stories on how things will be better. I realized that all I can do now it to improve myself and keep my mind off things. Since I been in this relationship I gave up a couple of things that I used to do that made me better. But since she always told me "You dont need to do that, I love you the way you are." I kinda just never did anymore. So be today is a new chapter of my life. If I come to the temptation of contacting her or I am having a bad day Ill keep you guys posted.

Thank You for all the help so far. Never thought a bunch of strangers on a community would feel exactly the way i feel. But so far I have only heard things that is helping me get through this.

[cmacattack1]

This site has probably been one of the best things to happen to me, especially during the break up phase when I would go to her even though she dumped me because she was the only one to make me feel better. That pissed her off. This really helps to vent and gain some experience from everybody else and not piss off the ex more. As long as you are learning from all this, you are becoming a better person.

Keep in mind that if you love and care about somebody, you choose to spend more time with them and give up those other things you love. If you can better budget your time, you might be able to squeeze in those other things while having a partner. During school and college and early in careers and jobs it's tough but don't let things go completely. It's all a balancing act and unfortunately she's going to be a higher priority than most. When you have a girlfriend at least. Right now you have nothing to worry about though, so have a good time!

[sotnasa]

Update: Broke contact with her since she wanted to give me stuff back(a friking shirt)

Idk what this was, it just messed with my mind really bad. She got here gave me shirt and asked to talk. I was expecting something more direct and hurtful. But this is basically what she said.

When I said I wanted to be single I didn't meant to say that I wanted you out of my of my life. I just wanted some space. I met him and for a change someone else took my mind off you. I feel I am to dependent of you. Every little need I go for you for help. But you became very controlling. You also became boring in the last 3 months. Now I feel like I am with someone else much older than I am. And whenever I want to have fun with you but you never feel like it anymore. That is not how the relationship was until 3 months ago. And that's why I wanted my space. I know I sounded very selfish but I never meant to hurt you in the first place. I know if we try to work things out we can.

After all that she said she did kissed him and it felt weird. And didn't like it. That she might try to kiss him again and dont know why. But want to work things out with me. She doesn't want him but doesn't know why she wants to kiss him again.

I asked her to leave after all of that. Now I just feel even more hurt. Yeah she was nice and grew up a little bit but she still seems very confused about what she wants.

Am I like the fallback guy for her little adventure for this guy? If things dont work out she will come back? That just seems very wrong. I know some of the things she said is true but could have told me so we could out things out.

So now I am lost. Up until yesterday I got very motivated to move forward but now this feels very weird.

[SamFrmMelbourne]

What she said was full of contradiction. Having some space and hooking up with another guy are two different things! She is driven by her own pure selfishness. And yes, I got the impression she's making you the fallback guy if anything goes wrong with the other guy.

She was trying to justify her actions, but to me it made no sense at all. Just move on and don't respond to her. Let her learn that for every decision, there is a consequence.

[kai]

Tell her to shut the f*ck up and get lost, seriously. Don't contact her. You got the experience now. It'll keep on hurting you. I've many friends who didn't use NC rule and are still hurting by their exes.