Friends First?

[Sanctuary]

I get it - everyone is a scumbucket till they prove their worth to you. lol

Anyway, the social dynamic might be different for me cuz I'm still in college (maybe I should've mentioned that). I'm thinking people are just more open and friendlier in college as opposed to the real world.

[lonelyhamster]

In response to your insight, Sanctuary:
It makes sense, except that *everyone* has attractive AND unattractive qualities. And even those qualities are subjective. What makes someone attractive for one person may do the opposite for someone else (zillions of examples include: breast size, large muscles, hair color, sense of humor, manners, etc...). Everyone is an individual and we love people for their specific mix of good and bad.
Although I'm not really qualified to have an opinion here (still with my first gf and it's only been 2 months) I imagine that guys avoid the friend zone for the obvious reasons we're all aware of, but as in everything else there are exceptions.
Furthermore, where can you draw the line between friend and acquaintance? Because I feel safe assuming that with most relationships, you get to know the person at least a little before pursuing a romance. This may be a matter of getting to know them for 5 minutes or working with them for 5 years (clearly I don't believe in love at first sight).
As an example of this, I knew my gf for a year and a half before we started dating. We both are in a club at school that involves staying at hotels (in case anyone was wondering why we were in a hotel together alone from my other posts...that's it) and long weekends. So because of this, last year she was a "friend." But again, that term is subjective. We didn't talk much and I didn't know much about her.

Now that I think about it, with my middle school romantic interest (lol) I tried to "befriend" her before asking her out...

[Coco]

Nooooo LOL! I mean... to me friendships and courtin' is different. It's a different type of connection.

[Sanctuary]

In response to your insight, Sanctuary:
It makes sense, except that *everyone* has attractive AND unattractive qualities. And even those qualities are subjective. What makes someone attractive for one person may do the opposite for someone else (zillions of examples include: breast size, large muscles, hair color, sense of humor, manners, etc...). Everyone is an individual and we love people for their specific mix of good and bad.

I disagree. While there is a certain level of subjectivity in choosing a partner... some people are definitely more attractive than others (meaning they attract a larger proportion of the population) and certain traits are universally attractive.

But I'm not gonna talk about that here - this is the wrong thread for that.

[Paul Cho]

I don't buy this discussion at all. I'm a firm believer that a girl knows if they want to sleep with you the second they see you.

The getting to know you part and becoming friends is simply a blast from the past, the 50's were over 60 years ago.


Paul Cho

[tufty]

paul it depends where their mindset is at the moment of meeting, i dont look at people and instantly wonder what they would be like in bed. That takes a while for me. Although if u were some hairy mofo with food in ur beard i would instantly say 'jog on' mentally.

[Paul Cho]

paul it depends where their mindset is at the moment of meeting, i dont look at people and instantly wonder what they would be like in bed. That takes a while for me. Although if u were some hairy mofo with food in ur beard i would instantly say 'jog on' mentally.

I'm Asian, I'm not hairy.


Thats just my belief, and usually after I sleep with a girl, I have very high standards btw, I ask them if they knew they were going to sleep with me, I say 95% said they knew the second they saw me.


But then again I do look like a young Asian George Clooney.


Paul Cho

[tufty]

well mister non hairy george clooney clone - you got all the cards - happy days

[Paul Cho]

well mister non hairy george clooney clone - you got all the cards - happy days

Thank you.


It's not all fun and games being me though, but it sure is nice.


Paul Cho

[tufty]

i can imagine, life is hard, all the george clooneys out there appreciate the nightmare it is to have everything

I on the other hand, walk with the normaltons of this world - and i like it!

[tropigal82]

I'm a firm believer that a girl knows if they want to sleep with you the second they see you.

I don't think thats true, necessarily. The guy I'm (sort of) dating is very handsome but the first few dates we had I was not thinking about him in a sexual way. It was only after spending time getting to know him, a few weeks later, that I suddenly thought "oh my God I want to sleep with this man."

Only problem is that he then decided we should be 'friends' before being 'lovers' except we have kissed and shared a bed togethor, so now we are sort of friends who are dating and its all very confusing because I want him to make love to me like crazy its driving me mad, but he is saying "I don't want to ruin what we have..."

Argh...

[Gigabitch]

Specifically I'm talking about advice I'm seeing from members (I think mostly from women) suggesting the person becomes friends with the object of their affection if they want an eventual romance.

In my personal opinion, that is TERRIBLE advice and is likely to lead to the Friend Zone. You don't get a second chance at a first impression.

[Sanctuary]

In my personal opinion, that is TERRIBLE advice and is likely to lead to the Friend Zone. You don't get a second chance at a first impression.

It's rare, but I disagree with you Giga. The idea of 'The Friend Zone' is flawed and first impressions have nothing to do with being a friend first.

Actually, that's not entirely accurate, whether or not you choose to befriend her first could change your entire initial approach. But I don't see how being a friend first results in a less favorable first impression.

[thrillaveza]

you have to make it certain that you are interested in her as a bf/gf thing. cause if you become just decide in being her friend etc. and not make any intention that you are interested (or if you do it too late) then she's only going to put you in the friend zone.

lightly flirt with with her from time to time.

[IndiReloaded]

I would never have a relationship with a man I couldn't be friends with first.