Help me Make My husband Want me again!

[Anturo]

I don’t mean to seem old fashion but i will.

You say he is the "bread winner".

So is the house clean? Is there dinner when he gets home? Is his laundry done? Basically is everything taken care of?

If not, then he is probably in the mind set of "Why am I even married? I work all day and then come home and have to do all this, What does she do all day?"

I think some sort of stress could be causing the problem. If you said you had a "talk" give it some time.

[kidababe]

Valid questions: I am not old fashioned, but I agree with the philosophy that one parent makes money and the other parent takes care of the home, food, children, etc. I do have everything taken care of. He tends to play a lot of computer games lately. He kisses me when he gets home, but he doesn't SEE me.

[kidababe]

Thank you. That is helpful. The situation is stressful to me too, but I use sex as a release as well as bonding time.

[Regnent]

How is he towards your children? Any difference from say, a year ago?
How demanding are the kids?
I can only assume you've got a toddler in the mix. (I know mine is trying my patience)
Does he get alone time that is -not- the computer?
Does he get out with friends at all?

[Love&Life]

Wow Regnet...7 kids...

Anyway...listen: I think having fantasies about someone other than your partner is ok, but share the heat with your partner ;-) Same for porn, use it as a tool to play with your partner.
BUt I was thinking of something else: why don't you try to kindle intimacy? Which isn't necessairily sex. Try to set aside the sex-issue, but focus on getting intimate. Relaxation.
Give him your the attention and let him feel he is most important person for that evening. First step is: you're stress free, pamper yourself first. And by the time he is at home (kids somewhere else) you have organized something nice to eat, music, candles or whatever to build up a nice atmosphere... and give him a nice oilmassage. Massage every tension out his body and give him the feeling that he is the centre for a moment.

This could be a start. It is a myth that men only want hardcore sex and porn. They too need to feel "special" and "worth it".

[smackie9]

Sexual desire starts outside the bedroom. You both need to reconnect as a couple. You need to go out on dates again like when you first met. With responsibilities, household and raising kids, it takes over your life, and your relationship. Getting away from that a few nights a week can make all the difference. You can exchange babysitting time with a friend or neighbor so it doesn't cost you anything.

[imagineallthe]

I suggested porn to my boyfriend some years ago, and he didn't want to because he felt it was "fake" and couldn't get turned on by random chicks. Downside? We broke it off when I realised he had been having steamy conversations with his ex. Well... I can laugh at it now! Thing is; yeah guys have instincts, but they have feelings of self worth, of love, of fear TOO. God knows what's bothering him. Don't let your happiness depend on him, show you're in love but independent too. He might not be in love anymore, which is completely normal in any relationship! We're humans, we regret, we get hurt, we love. We are a mix of all kinds of emotions, and it always hurts when the one we love doesn't show this affection back. We can argue that we're "made that way biologically" but so what? Now that we accept those feelings, isn't there a way to view the situation differently? What's love to you? You don't seem to love unconditionally, few does.

On this forum you hear married men talk about how they're in love with the neighbour and she on her own hand is married with six kids, I mean... to love someone shouldn't be about those needs. Love is a type of celebration and unite of a happy bond. Perhaps his feelings are not that passionate anymore, so OK. Don't force sex on him. Sex is bonding for a man as well, and he doesn't seem to want it at the moment - nothing can be forced. Share a glass of red wine and be grateful for whatever you guys shared even though it may not be there anymore. You're on of many women who feels like this, try not to let it get you down.
Wish you all the luck!

[just1]

There is always the "talk to him" technique. But that sometimes doesn't work. Most of the answers from above were quite good. Try listening to them, there worth there weight in gold. You should also watch these youtube video at this site. It's about reconnecting with your partner.
i hope i helped

[Regnent]

I don't know about other, but 'just talking' isn't always effective.
It can be stupidly difficult to talk to your partner honestly when it comes to sexuality, and why you may or may not be interested.

[deathheart17]

Wild guess, tone that body up and wear a school girls dress...seems to be universal...all i can say, i dont know the man so, sowi.