What should I tell my boyfriend ?

[NotATalker]

Darl'n: It sounds like you're not going to break up with him regardless of what we say so I say: Get yourself on birth conrol or you will end up just like his ex. Do not let him near you without a rubber until you're BC clicks in. Stop being jealous of his ex emailing pics of his kid to him and find out why TF he doesn't want anything to do with his own kid. You should at least have some sort of dialogue about it so that you're not feeling threatened and maybe if he knows he has your support he may take some responsibility for her. Maybe he's just some big giant baby-boy himself and doesn't have the first clue about looking after kids (not that that should be your responsibility). Does your bf have parents? What to they think about not seeing their own grandchild? I know my mother would be horrified.

Wow. You seems to know very well what you're talking about !!! I tried to break up with him many times ago but I just can't do it. we can't !
As I said, things are much more complicated than having a baby with his ex... it wasn't supposed to happen between the 2 of'em... that's all I can say at this point.. I know that If I give away more details it'll be easier to understand but I really prefer not to... I've said enough already.
I always say to myself, this won't happen to me, but I guess it can.. and I have red flags all over. And we talked about the kid and the ex, but it's not easy for him to talk about it...
And yes, he is a "big-baby" himself, not that it justify certain actions he takes...
If I think he's a d***, yes, for sure, and I told him that several times, but he's also the sweetest man when he wants to... he just doesn't want most of the time.
Im not jealous at his ex, I think she's in a horrible situation, but sometimes you should just let things go and pushing it ruins but him and our relationship. I don't know what I would do if I were her... I wish her all the best, but i also wish we could have a normal relationship as much as possible without a reminder of the past every single day...

[NotATalker]

WHATEVER...!!!

doesn't seem that notatalker gives a flying f**k about the child or being with an irresponsible douche. in fact seems that she is only able to think with her vag.

[Ric]

You know, that "He can be the sweetest man if he wants to be."... I hear that a lot about victims of wife beaters.

A man that can be the sweetest man is an asshole. If he wasn't an asshole, he would be the sweetest man.

[MerryH]

Im not jealous at his ex, I think she's in a horrible situation, but sometimes you should just let things go and pushing it ruins but him and our relationship.

Yes, I'm sure it would be nice for you and your boyfriend if that whole unpleasant child situation would stop ruining things. God, the nerve of that child for existing.

I don't think you're focusing on the real problem(s) here. You're bothered that she's still contacting him, but what you should really be bothered about is him being an irresponsible person. You just want it to all go away, but that's not how children work. He participated in bringing a child into the world, and he can't just say, "Welp, it wasn't supposed to happen, so I'm just not going to deal with this. See ya'll later." You can't use that excuse, either.

And you know he's in the wrong for ignoring his responsibilities. Of course you want her to stop contacting him so that you two can both ignore it and get on with your happy lives. So I think you're also in the wrong now. You want this kid thing to go away as much as he does, and I think that makes you almost as terrible as him. You're both huge cowards.

To answer your question, here's what I think you should tell him. After opening up a dialogue by asking frank questions about his kid, say something like, "I think you're doing the wrong thing concerning your child, and it has started to effect our relationship because you are not properly handing your past." Honestly, I think it's strange that you tiptoe around this topic. Most people would absolutely want to know what's going on with their significant other's children. That's something you should be able to speak freely about.

Your relationship doesn't sound all that great if you think that he's a big baby and a dick, you realize that he's not "sweet" most of the time AND you've broken up many times before. You're admitting that there are all these red flags, but you're choosing to ignore those, too. Stop ignoring things, start dealing with them.

[MaidenMinx]

Oh but Merry, breaking up is too hard.

LMAO @ OPs expense.

Seriously OP, I hope you didn't sincerely expect that you would get any other sort of advice. But tell him it upsets you that his ex wants contact with him, tell him to change his number. Then get yourself knocked up by him and see how quickly he bolts. Have fun with that.

[MaidenMinx]

Oh and if you are wondering where this bitterness comes from, your bf sounds like my dad and you sound like both the second woman dad knocked up and the third woman he knocked up. He is with none of his childrens mothers and is finally (at nearly 50) in contact with all FIVE of us. He has been told by all of us how useless we think he is and has a hell of a lot to try and make up for.

But don't worry about the damage he is inflicting on his childs psyche. It doesn't matter that his daughter is going to grow up feeling like she isn't good enough for anyone. It doesn't matter that you are supporting his irresponsible attitude.

Oh and as for his ex being less than angelic, at least she is being responsible and she is likely going to be all that little girl ever has. I don't know any of you but I do know she is the one I have the most respect for in this situation.

[MerryH]

Oh but Merry, breaking up is too hard.

This is true, it's better to ignore things than to suffer the discomfort of talking about them and/or dealing with them.


Sorry your dad was shitty, Maiden.

[MaidenMinx]

Thanks Merry. I've let the majority of the shit go and am working on a positive relationship with him and his latest wife and his other kids. It really helps that his wife is a wonderful woman who completely supports and encourages him to fix things with us. She is awesome and I think I like her more than dad. :p

Oh and the breaking up is so hard bit was something OP said in either this thread or the other one that started exactly the same as this one.

[MerryH]

It really helps that his wife is a wonderful woman who completely supports and encourages him to fix things with us.

See, this is good. I really think it's important for a significant other to sort of call you out on stuff, and to point out when you're wrong, and encourage you to do the right thing and be a better person. I mean, no one else is in a better position to do this. I feel it's almost my responsibility to tell my boyfriend that he acted like a dick, or suggest that he apologize, or whatever, and I expect the same from him. It's one of the perks of being in a relationship, as far as I'm concerned.

Oh and the breaking up is so hard bit was something OP said in either this thread or the other one that started exactly the same as this one.

Yeah, I know. It was in this thread. They "can't" break up. It's unfortunate that she believes this.

[surfhb]

Looser !!!!!

[bluesummer]

A man who CHOOSES not to keep in touch with his child is a soulless piece of shit. That's all the reason you need to dump him right there. I think his ex texting him should be the least of your worries.

[Wakeup]

Wow. You seems to know very well what you're talking about !!! I tried to break up with him many times ago but I just can't do it. we can't !
As I said, things are much more complicated than having a baby with his ex... it wasn't supposed to happen between the 2 of'em... that's all I can say at this point.. I know that If I give away more details it'll be easier to understand but I really prefer not to... I've said enough already.
I always say to myself, this won't happen to me, but I guess it can.. and I have red flags all over. And we talked about the kid and the ex, but it's not easy for him to talk about it...
And yes, he is a "big-baby" himself, not that it justify certain actions he takes...
If I think he's a d***, yes, for sure, and I told him that several times, but he's also the sweetest man when he wants to... he just doesn't want most of the time.
Im not jealous at his ex, I think she's in a horrible situation, but sometimes you should just let things go and pushing it ruins but him and our relationship. I don't know what I would do if I were her... I wish her all the best, but i also wish we could have a normal relationship as much as possible without a reminder of the past every single day...

Notatalker:

he's also the sweetest man when he wants to... he just doesn't want most of the time.

By "sweetest man" do you mean when you're in bed with him and not much else sweet about him? Get away from him before he knocks you up too and leaves you and your baby ignored like he does the first one who got addicted to having sex with him.

Is this guy you keep breaking up with (yet another red flag) a Rasta? That dogma of spreading one's seed over the world is getting old.

Get yourself on birth control. Better yet, get yourself away from him.

[Cerulean.]

Hey, OP. Dump his arse. That is all.

[searock]

Is the mother married (or something equally strong) to another man, who believes (and whose family believes and everything) the child is his?

[NotATalker]

No, it's their kid, She's not married, In fact she is still in love with him head over feet and I guess she will do anything to seperate us and well, what can I tell, it's working.
I believe I have every right to not fell like the other woman that he makes me feel all the time - because this is how it makes me feel. and it's horrible... I dont know if any of you were in the same or similar situation, but it's so not easy, especially when you love someone but you feel like you need to let it go becuase of things from the past.
If you've been in this kind of situation or you can try to put yourselves in my shoes, then you will know what I'm talking about...