Is it normal that I am mad?

[surfhb]

I thinks normal to be disapointed but to ignore your cousin? Seriously? Makes you an instant asshole? Let's talk about your stupid shit now.....how's that sound?

[MynameisJesus]

Do you know her explanation? You would judge something as retarded without knowing anything about what you have judged? That is stupid behaviour, frankly, and the actions of someone who is looking for a reason to hate on someone else. Are you one of those reactive sorts, who judges first and asks questions later?

I'm not advocating sticking your nose into your family's business. I am one of those 'I don't really want to know' people. But, I recognize there is always 2 sides to a story, with the truth usually someplace in the middle. Things like cheating almost never happen in a vacuum.

Like I said, you can't know what went on in their relationship. For all you know, mbe Bob cheated first and M sucked it up for a long time. Not everyone hangs their dirty laundry out for all to see.

Try to be less judgemental in your family dealings. People will like you better for it. Good luck.

As stated earlier I can not think of one possible explanation that would justify what happened. The only reason why I havent asked is because I wanted to spare her from pain (which I assumed she had but I was wrong) and because I don't want to ruin the whole family bond because of her.
The fact that she is laughing and joking as if nothing happened after a 5year + relationship says a lot to me but that must make me judgemental too doesn't it?

I have known Bob for many years and I know more about him that you think. I see him as a friend.
Bob would never ever cheat but if you're gonna use that as an argument I'd be happy to ask.
But since I'm not supposed to put my nose into friends and family's business I better pretend that nothing happened just like all the others don't I

I am looking for a reason to hate my own cousin after all this?
She makes it damn hard to not hate her unless you don't care anyway.
I don't care if people like me or not. I am a family guy and this makes me feel disgusted

[IndiReloaded]

The fact that she is laughing and joking as if nothing happened after a 5year + relationship says a lot to me but that must make me judgemental too doesn't it?

I have known Bob for many years and I know more about him that you think. I see him as a friend.
Bob would never ever cheat but if you're gonna use that as an argument I'd be happy to ask.
But since I'm not supposed to put my nose into friends and family's business I better pretend that nothing happened just like all the others don't I

I am looking for a reason to hate my own cousin after all this?
She makes it damn hard to not hate her unless you don't care anyway.
I don't care if people like me or not. I am a family guy and this makes me feel disgusted

Hey, I'm not arguing anything. I know nothing about the specifics of this situation. What I am telling you is that life is generally more complex than you seem to think it is. Shades of grey. People who think in black and white are generally lazy thinkers.

You asked if it was normal to be mad. We answered it is normal, but that one should be cautious in making judgements when you don't have all the facts. That leads to actions you may regret later, particularly when dealing with family. See my sig quote.

You should care if people like you or not, to some extent at least. It makes life much easier to navigate. Good luck.

[surfhb]

As stated earlier I can not think of one possible explanation that would justify what happened

Maybe in your world. You have no clear view of their relationship. Like Indy said...its not B/W

The fact that she is laughing and joking as if nothing happened after a 5year + relationship says a lot to me but that must make me judgemental too doesn't it?

Again....You judge based on something youre not clear about nor is any of your business

I am looking for a reason to hate my own cousin after all this?
She makes it damn hard to not hate her unless you don't care anyway.
I don't care if people like me or not. I am a family guy and this makes me feel disgusted

Pffst! Were all "family men". Whats that have to do with anything? Stop being a big Drama Queen and mind your P&Qs

If i judged everyone is my life on things they do I dont agree with...I wouldnt have any friends. Comprende Amigo?

[MerryH]

The fact that she is laughing and joking as if nothing happened after a 5year + relationship says a lot to me but that must make me judgemental too doesn't it?

Absolutely it does. It also makes you a little naive, I think. Someone laughing and joking in public says nothing about what's going on in their head or when they're alone. And, what, do you want her to only appear sad and remorseful at all times? Bitch cheated, she better ****ing pay for it for the rest of her wretched life?

I'm glad that you've decided not to say anything to her, but you're still way too bent out of shape over this. I hope you can learn some lessons about when it's your place to interfere and when it's not. When everyone else says you're overreacting or that you shouldn't have "investigated" one of your friends (wow), then you've got to look at what you're doing and wonder, "Okay, everyone is saying the same thing. Is it possible that I'm the one doing something wrong?" Coming to the conclusion that maybe you're doing something wrong will require you to get off your moral high horse and admit to your own wrongdoing, something that I'm not sure you're capable of at the moment.

[IndiReloaded]

Some people use other people's drama as an excuse to avoid dealing with the shit in their own backyard. Take me for example, posting here to avoid work.

BTW, in case I didn't already make it clear: I don't agree with cheating on a partner. I also don't agree with creating pariahs. I do think that adults dealing with other adults tend to get what they deserve, to some extent.

Its interesting. The OP isn't hating on Brian, her cheating partner. Who is *married with 2 children*. Anyone else happen to think that's as bad or worse: those children didn't ask for their dad to go sniffing around another woman. He certainly had a choice in his behaviour.

A touch of misogyny, Jesus?

[MerryH]

Its interesting. The OP isn't hating on Brian, her cheating partner.

Well, maybe Brian is publicly flogging himself for his sins, thus he has satisfied any unconcerned parties' need for bloodshed, so everything's cool.

BUT IF NOT, then that brings up an important factor. What about the children? OP, maybe you should call CPS because their father is a dirty, lying, cheating whore and you wouldn't want to just sit idly by and do nothing when you could be saving those innocent children from a life of misery with their immoral father.

I'm just kidding. Mind your own business.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, maybe Brian is publicly flogging himself for his sins, thus he has satisfied any unconcerned parties' need for bloodshed.

Bah. Guilt is overrated.

[MynameisJesus]

Its interesting. The OP isn't hating on Brian, her cheating partner. Who is *married with 2 children*. Anyone else happen to think that's as bad or worse: those children didn't ask for their dad to go sniffing around another woman. He certainly had a choice in his behaviour.

A touch of misogyny, Jesus?

Who are you to conclude that I have no problem with Brian?

Brian was already a nobody to me before all this. I haven't even met him.
My cousin was not a nobody to me. Therefore it hurts to see her do this

I wonder why that is so hard to understand

[MynameisJesus]

I'm glad that you've decided not to say anything to her, but you're still way too bent out of shape over this. I hope you can learn some lessons about when it's your place to interfere and when it's not. When everyone else says you're overreacting or that you shouldn't have "investigated" one of your friends (wow), then you've got to look at what you're doing and wonder, "Okay, everyone is saying the same thing. Is it possible that I'm the one doing something wrong?" Coming to the conclusion that maybe you're doing something wrong will require you to get off your moral high horse and admit to your own wrongdoing, something that I'm not sure you're capable of at the moment.

My friend was a severe drug addict when he was 17. Now he's in his 20s and occasionally beats up his brother with a bottle of wine, his best friend with a baseball bat and occasionally he looks for trouble with bouncers in a night club. He looks extremely tired 24/7. His GF recently broke up because he has these outbursts every now and then. When he told me that he does drugs out of town when none of our friends are around I got worried and digged into it. I didn't involve friends because none of them know.
Basically they kept saying I should have turned to them instead. Because they think they knew what was going on. " He just had been drinking "
As far as I know drinking doesn't make you disillusional, threatening your own friends.
My grandfather has been an alcoholic for many years without anyone in the family knowing about it even though we saw him almost daily.
So turning towards close friends is misleading.

What I did was an act of real friendship and I didn't turn to my friends for a good reason they don't understand because they are clueless about addiction.
Now I have to conclude that I was wrong? You get to know your real friends in tough times.
I could have looked away like all other self proclaimed friends but didn't

[IndiReloaded]

Dependency? Cue Wakeup. lol. She'll recommend some book you'll never read.

As I understand, an alcoholic parent can really mess up your perception about what constitutes rational behaviour. Also your ability to deal with irrational behaviour (which is quite common for people, btw). Your responses get coloured by your emotional issues around addiction. Some people detach and some overreact. Get it?

All I will add is that you seem to be wasting a lot of effort on being angry w/your cousin who seems perfectly fine about her choices. Must be nice to have all that spare emotional energy and time.

PS - choice in 'friends' sucks. Beats ppl up and his GF too?

[surfhb]

Dependency? Cue Wakeup. lol. She'll recommend some book you'll never read.

As I understand, an alcoholic parent can really mess up your perception about what constitutes rational behaviour. Also your ability to deal with irrational behaviour (which is quite common for people, btw). Your responses get coloured by your emotional issues around addiction. Some people detach and some overreact. Get it?

All I will add is that you seem to be wasting a lot of effort on being angry w/your cousin who seems perfectly fine about her choices. Must be nice to have all that spare emotional energy and time.

PS - choice in 'friends' sucks. Beats ppl up and his GF too?

Ha! I was thinking the same thing. Obviously Bob was not providing "the goods".....she's probably relieved the relationship is over and having a grand time with her new life. Meanwhile, the OP is treading in anger.

Humans are a strange species we are!

[HeartIsAching]

It's alright for you to feel what you feel - nobody NOBODY gets to dictate your feelings to you, ever.

Nobody gets to dictate your personal relationships either - what you do, how you feel, and how you deal with it is your business, unless it's illegal.

Personally, if it were me in that situation, I wouldn't let her ruin my family vacation. I'd go, and I'd simply refuse to interact with her. I don't mean be petty and only talk to her through other people, but simply refuse to engage her in conversation. If she gets in your face and tries, be polite, and tell her the truth:

"I don't feel like talking to you now. Maybe some other time."

[IndiReloaded]

It's alright for you to feel what you feel - nobody NOBODY gets to dictate your feelings to you, ever.

Oh, but you are confusing him HIA. He will miss the most important caveat of your post:

We are certainly entitled to our feelings and answer to noone for them. It is our actions based on those feelings, however, that we are entirely responsible for.

[MynameisJesus]

Oh, but you are confusing him HIA. He will miss the most important caveat of your post:

We are certainly entitled to our feelings and answer to noone for them. It is our actions based on those feelings, however, that we are entirely responsible for.

Actions such as communicating those feelings, I assume.I won't.
Communicating my disbelief and lack of trust would be one thing and getting mad for it would be worse. Out of respect for the others I'll keep my mouth shut.
At least I'm happy that not everybody thinks I come from a different planet because I am disgusted by this.

/thread