Been 1 year, stuff going on between ex, and I need advice!!

[ghenzmitz]

THe more replies I get about the no contact, the more I get confident it is the way to go.

I guess its true that if you really loved the person, you would let her go, and if she feels that you might have been the one, then she would comeback someday....

During the year I was contacting her, she found someone new, is already asking him to move in with her when her life involves working so much and not being able to catch up on lifes little nuances like paying bills. Trying to find a new job in this mess may make it worse. I think me being there to talk to her gives her some reassurance that if it doesnt work, Ill be here, and because of that, shes going ahead with everything she wanted to do because she knows Im there.

Guess its time for me to go into mourning....Still feel pretty bad of not letting her know, although I did kinda mention its time I moved on and told her to have a wonderful life. Is it alright to start a no contact rule with an ending like "If things go wrong, and you may want to get back together, you know where to find me, and we'll see what happens, if it ever comes"?

YOU KNOW WHAT, WHEN SOMEONE REALLY BROKE UP....THINGS SHOULD REALLY SPLIT...I MEAN, ALL THE MEMORIES ARE MEMORIES AND SHOULD BE DELETED...SO IF I WERE YOU, I WILL STAY AWAY FROM HER......BECAUSE TO TELL YOU HONESTLY, THE MORE YOU'RE NEAR TO HER, THE MORE YOU'RE HURTING YOURSELF....JUST FORGET HER......SOME GIRLS ARE MEAN AND RUDE....WATCH OUT, SHE MIGHT USE YOU BECAUSE HER BIG HEAD KNOWS THAT YOU STILL LOVE HIM....STAY AWAY IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HURT

[stonesnbones]

Hmmm...

Guess this would be the wrong time to say that this is the 2nd time we were out together.

The first time was for 8 months, and she broke up wit hme because she wanted to follow a crush on someone. We split for 6 months, 4 months I did the usual stupid stuff of trying to get her back, talk to her, and 2 of the months I basically did no contact and she came back.

I took her in again. THings were diferent than before and we were together for 4 1/2 years before we broke up last year, because she thought the spark was lost.

Well, guess I have to blame myself for doing the stupid stuff instead of no contact for the first 4 months after the first break up, and now this one year after the second. Guess I really should start now....

As much as I know this is going to hurt me bad..I hope it hurts her badder, because if she does decide to comeback I will welcome it if Im still available...

[stonesnbones]

Well, its been a week since I last contacted her, and Im assuming that her bf moved in with her this past weekend, so I probably should expect to not hear from her too much, but I know she will pipe in soon, asking if Im still alive.

I still think she going about this all wrong. Her work sucks, she has no time whatsoever with her life, and shes probably asking her bf to move in because she’s confused as hell over the breakup.

This forum has made the NC easier, and I hope to continue to talk about this and vent here instead of trying to contact my ex.

What Im about to say may have been said before, and it may stir up a debate…

I think its funny how a girl is so much more prone to easily go out with the next person after a breakup because then they think they can “skip” the pain of the breakup.. But they still talk to you because in their mind you are possibly what they want, but they have to do this because they need a “break”. They also seem to have less of a willpower to stay within a relationship that has problems that can be worked out, and instead run off with some new person she finds because it’s the “thrill of meeting someone new” and they are addicted to that “spark” thing, or they just think a relationship should be like a dream with no problems or conflicts whatsoever so when one occurs, that’s it.

Then they eventually realize that they went about it all wrong, and then ask to come back, and by then its probably too late.

Not saying guys don’t do that either, but I think we are less prone to do that stuff and if we do break up, we go into NC instead of jumping on to someone new immediately..

Maybe thats why I dont actually look for someone, I kinda go around and see if anyones interested in me first. THis ex was my very first GF in my life, so I guess it makes it harder for me to NC...

[confusedsoul]

well said stones.. i read ur comment in other thread and came here.. think of it as brotherly love since I have been thru breakup recently too (when was that actually??, sometime back!!) lol
but yeah even thou I have seen my ex doing similar stuff I wont generalize the whole female population.. See I think it depends on person to person and to some extent the environment.. see my gf almost did same thing to me with a guy who used to be our constant source of conflict.. but if u see it differently, she just had better opportunities than what I had in that "to-be-or-not-to-be" period.. But thats ok.. I wont forgive her for what she did, but neither would I generalize.. The only reason am cautioning u (or for that matter myself) is 'cause tomorrow u might someone nice but u will still carry such notions in ur mind.. So better let this thing end with ur ex..

PS: and dont say we guys go into NC thing, well we do those "stupid things" first and when we reach LF after 3-4 months we do NC thing!!!

[stonesnbones]

LOL confusedsoul. Except with me its around 6 months, and then I tried to be friends, and now I cant do it because hearing about her new BF is killing me.

I also think its funny how regardless of how many breakups we go through, we tend to always go through the stupid stuff first instead of the NC. Wonder if we will ever learn to stop doing that, or if its an involuntary reaction that always happens and it can never be stopped…

Then again if we went straight into NC instead of doing the stupid stuff first, then we are labeled as “insensitive” and “jerks”. But if we do the stupid stuff first then we are labeled as “He does care after all, Ill give him that. Such a sweet guy…”

So to make ourselves look like we cared for our lost loves and not have them spread the word out that we are jerks or insensitive, we got to do stupid things that tends to push them further away from us at times when we want them back so bad it hurts…

Lobotomy please…

[stonesnbones]

Well, I got a new email from my ex. Asked what Ive been doing. Said her new bf moved in (Which again pisses me off to the max) and that Shes been real busy. She wants me to write her to make sure Im alive and stuff.

Should I even acknowledge her that shes hurting me when she talks about her BF, and I cant be friends with her and just go NC, or should I just remain NC? I feel like I should let her know Im still around, but her talking about her BF seriously pisses me off..

Please help

[ghenzmitz]

I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY EX GF'S REALLY LOVES PLAYING THEIR EX'S.....THEY REALLY SUCK....SHE'S PLAYING YOU BECOZ.....SHE WANTS YOU TO GET HURT......and do some revenge...ISN'T IT SIMPLE...she's so stupid....

[confusedsoul]

stones..
just IGNORE her!!!
Dont even get into the dilemma of explaining everything to her.. I mean whats the point man?? Do u really believe that u acknowledging "certain" facts is gonna change a thing?? Hell not.. She knows all that already and is just playing with u.. Tell her to STFU.. And not to bother u anymore.. Well if thats not possible, try to stay as calm as possible when she calls, dont let her get into a talk, just tell her u are busy... Dont write mails or send IM for god's sake.. It will die on its own..

[stonesnbones]

THanks fo the information.

NC is really simple when said, but when you are in a state of mind where you do stupid things, you always need to be constantly reminded of the obvious.

I am starting to feel better, but I still think about her alot. Its strange..its been 1 year, she has a new bf, and hes moved in with her..and I still love her...

[Tone]

It's normal dude... I went through similair feelings for over a year after a breakup only I played the dummy part and was there every second she needed me. I agree with the others, this girl is just playin with you. Don't reply to the e-mail. It will get her curious and she'll probably try to contact you by phone. When/if she does I'd just be like "Why are you calling me? You have a b/f who asked you not to talk to me, we have nothing to talk about as long as you're with him" and if she gives you any attitude just tell her it's hard for you to be her friend.

To help convince yourself think of this. It could be possible she's not exactly as comfortable with new b/f as you might think, thus the reason she tries to stay in contact with you. So by you talking to her and giving her that comfort level, it allows her to stay in the relationship with the b/f, who she might not be getting that emotional aspect she wants/needs from the relationship, all while you have to sit back in pain. You could be helping her new relationship. Sounds like a very selfish person, imo and you should definately try to move on and DEFINATELY do not reply to her e-mails, texts, etc.

[CowgirlFromHell]

Have you ever expressed any interest in getting back together with her? I don't know if I missed that part as I've skimmed through the thread. If you haven't, than I think I know what's going on.
She wants you back, but does not want to say anything because you haven't said anything. I don't want to get your hopes up because I could be dead wrong, but the only reason I would contact an ex was because I wanted him back. Don't go telling her you want her back or anything! I'm just suggesting this could very well be her game plan, and frankly, I would suggest you not play her game, especially if she has a boyfriend. It seems to me that you've carried yourself well throughout this whole thing. Keeping the contact to a minimum is key. When she doesn't hear from you, she wonders if you've lost interest. DING DING, she wants you! I could very well be wrong, as my actions do not apply to all females, but that is the only reason why I would still talk to an ex.

[stonesnbones]

Its close to 2 weeks now with no contact. Since that email from her about her new bf moving in with her and asking me to write back wondering hoiw Im doing and if Im still alive, I havent heard anything back from her.

OH CRAP...

Her name just popped up on AIM!!

Erg..what should I dooooo!!!!!

No one will probably respond by the time either I break the NC or she types a message...must be strong...ergggg this is killing me!!!

[stonesnbones]

Well I fought tooth and nail, but I didnt give in. the NC is still on.

Instead, I got an email from her again.

She said she hasnt heard from me in a while, and hes worreid about me. Hope I was doing okay. Then started to talk somemore about her work and how its alot and that she might actually get some time off.

As much as I shouldnt email her back, her emails are starting to make me think of her and the fact that she is worried about me makes me want to reach out and tell her Im OK...Grrr..Ill get through this yet..

[stonesnbones]

Update:

Well, my ex emailed me again, asking where I was. I got online, forgetting my IM popped up at the same time and she was there, and before I could turn it of, she said hi to me.

I couldnt resist it. I started talking to her. She said she was worried about me, but still wanted to know if I was alive. She said she guess she ought to leave me alone. I just basically told her I was trying to deal with the pain and that as long as shes seeing someone, I dont think I could be her friend. I gave her the usual schpiel that we have a good thing going, and that I made some mistakes, and that I I didnt want to waste the 5 years we had. She said the same thing, but that now shes happy and wants to see me happy too.

In short, the converation gave me the exact same feeling as I had when we first broke up. Im back to square one. Erg...why did I answer her?

Should I just give her one final email or something?