Giving me a second chance

[Wakeup]

Give them to her yourself. Save the delivery for when you've been going out for a while and you're secure in your relationship with her. Handing them to her you can see how much (or if) she appreciates your gesture... then you get to reap her feel-good emotional response. Don't give them to her though until you're sure of where the two of you are in this "relationship." JMO.

[Shisimona]

Alright. That I will do.

[IndiReloaded]

Neither of you can communicate well about what you want.

we had a talk and she asked "where do you see the 2 of us going". So, after she asked that, I got lost in my mind and started saying random things. Took a little walk to help me calm down. I told her "dont do this. I dont wanna loose you." She said "you wont loose me".

This^ whole exchange is just bizarre. Why would you go from "where do you see the 2 of us going" to "dont do this. I dont wanna loose you."

She is asking for clarification from you about your relationship. Why didn't you just answer her telling her what you want? If you don't know what you want, then you should tell her so. It's an answer at least and lets her decide if she wants to invest in someone undecided.

Sounds to me like you are unsure and don't want to admit this to her b/c you think she will walk. That's not fair. If that's not the case, then you better be clear real quick or you *will* lose her. People don't like to be left hanging.

[Shisimona]

Actually, I did. Just never mentioned. It was later that night when i told her cause my mind was a blur when she asked that and she was willing to wait til that night and how she offered the second chance. I actually said "I wanna live our lives together. We both have made mistakes, and whatever mistakes happened, I wanna fix them. We are gonna have ups and downs. Remember back in Sept when you asked me 'so you gonna propose to me within the next 6 months' *yes this was a serious question* i said there could be a high chance I might *she had the biggest smile on her face and kissed me*. Then I said, but what I really want is, for us to be together and get through the thick and thin together, so matter how hard it gets we will be there for each. I'll go to the of the earth to find you if I need to. The 2 of us waited 8 years to be together and it finally happened. I will be a better person and i'll prove it to you. And thats when she said, okay we will make a deal and give you this second chance not only because you deserve it but I do think you will be a better and so will I.

[Shisimona]

So asked her where I stand and she said she don't know. So should I still go ahead with the flowers or no?

[chenderson325]

I advise against it. You're giving her the upper hand if you do. Nothing turns someone on like not being able to have the other person. Give her the cold shoulder for a while and see what happens.

[Shisimona]

Before she went to bed last night, she asked me why I loved her. She said I didn't need to answer right away but wants to know within 24 hours. So I did some typing. Yeah I typed it up cause its easier for me but I think its a little long on what I came up with maybe you can give me opinions of this

" . Reason why I
always loved you and was attracted to you was was the
personality you gave off. It was random at times cause you
never knew what you were gonna do next. Always full of
engery. When you were on a mission you made sure it was done.
Always on the go. Even today your always on the go. Next is
your smile you have. Whenever you smiled it actually
brightened my day. Your smile was so soothing to see. If I
was having a bad day, and the second I saw you smile I was in
a better mood. It made it worth coming to school everyday and
to hangout whenever possible. You had such a overwhelming
smile and it made my day when I saw it. And from that
beautiful smile came that laugh that would also cheer me up.
Then you have your eyes. You have such beautiful eyes.
Whenever I looked into your eyes I can see a serious yet
gentle sweet, caring person that would do anything for her
friends. Your hair, not sure what it was but I
always loved your hair. Short or long. There's no words how
to describe how much I love your hair. Get rid of that make
up or wait you rarely use makeup. That was a huge one for me
cause I wasn't a fan of makeup and you didn't need to use
make up to make yourself look beautiful cause you are
naturally beautiful. Then the body you have. You may be a big
girl but you know what, you are a beautiful woman with a
gorgeous body. I wouldn't change anything about you. You were
also a smart woman. You care for other people. Putting other
people before yourself. I also love the way you make me feel.
I always feel complete when I'm with you and its the greasest
feeling ever. You have also shown me what true love is.
That's why I love you as much as I do. You are unique. I will
never be able to find someone who gives me this feeling like
you do. Ever. And this is why I love you and don't ever wanna
loose you. And love it when you just stop doing your
sometimes and dance. It brightens my day. It's part of your
random personaility that I love so much. You look so adorable
when you sleep and hearing you breathe cause it gives me
something to look forward to when you wake up in the morning
and give you hugs and kisses. It makes my day that much
better. And just to see your beautiful face in the light.
Whenever I see you or your around my heart starts racing like
crazy. Something that has never happened before. Until you
came along. I liked when I was having a shower and you
flushed the toilet on me to make the water super hot. Best
part was when you did it outta no where.*"

Is there a way I can make it shorter or will this work?

[Wakeup]

No, don't give her the flowers and if you're going to jump through this latest hoop she's held up for you to jump through then clean it up with paragraphs, punctuation and with the use of spell check. I'm a crappy speller too but even i know you can make your letter easier to read.

Why is this girl so insecure, needy and acting like some princess that makes you jump through her emotional hoops to be with her? What the hell did you do to her to make want you to do the things of you so that she feels secure enough to be with you?
Ugh!

[IndiReloaded]

Why is this girl so insecure, needy and acting like some princess that makes you jump through her emotional hoops to be with her? What the hell did you do to her to make want you to do the things of you so that she feels secure enough to be with you?

This^ is a good question. Did you do something to hurt her previously? If not, then she sure is asking a lot from you and she sounds rather high-maintenance. Where is the balance in your relationship?

Why don't you suggest you *each* write a letter for each other? This would set a nice tone of reciprocity and let her know that she needs to make an effort for you too.

[Shisimona]

I did that on my phone. So its not a complete finish yet. And when I pasted it, it ended up looking like.

As for hurting her, I have no idea. When I wanted to talk about where I stood and some other stuff, she would say couple words and continue watching tv. I had to turn off the tv so she would pay attention and listen. Even then she never said much. But I do know she has been is horrible relationships where guys have treated her like shit and everything. Then I came along, and she said I was the best thing that ever happened to her. I feel so protected when your around. You make me feel wanted and makes me feel good.

But yet the guys that treated her like shit and that, lasted 2+ years. Me, 6 months

[IndiReloaded]

When I wanted to talk about where I stood and some other stuff, she would say couple words and continue watching tv. I had to turn off the tv so she would pay attention and listen. Even then she never said much.

See this is where you need help. You took control instead of making it *her* responsibility to engage you. Next time, when she ignores you say this:

I want to have a talk with you about X. I see you are busy watching tv right now. When are you available to have this discussion?

Its her relationship too. She needs to own it. You can't be engaging for her. If she won't or can't engage, consider breaking up. She either doesn't care or has serious communication problems you don't want to be dealing with.

[Wakeup]

But yet the guys that treated her like shit and that, lasted 2+ years. Me, 6 months

Seems likes she's one of the troubled girls that finds being treated poorly exilarating and being treated nicely, boring. Good thing you didn't buy her those flowers or that would have definately been the end of you and her if you had and she is indeed one of those troubled girls.

If I was your mother, I would be doing my best to get you to see how better off you would be without her and I'd be doing it without using those words because if I used those words, you'd likely just try to change her into a good girlfriend even more.
BUT; I'm not your mother so I'll just tell you outright that you will always be trying to make this girl be satisfied with you. That she'll always be finding some hoop for you to jump through.

Let us know what she say/does after you give her that letter. It should be interesting to see how she responds to it. Hopefully that's all she needs, is to just be reassured because she's been dicked around in the past by boys so much and now she's just scared and jaded.

[Shisimona]

For the tv, I was actually watching tv before she came into the room. That when I started to talk and she was watching tv so she didn't have to listen. Hence I shut it off. I didn't make it clear enough on my part. My bad.

[Shisimona]

I would have posted back earlier, but I had to work late past few nights. She did hear what I have to say they tho. She was shocked. Really shocked. She replied with these words "No one has ever told me that before." She was about to cry with joy. She would always put herself down because she always says says shes ugly, fat, horrible, and the the does go on. Im guessing, she never expected anyone to ever say something like that to her. Im thinking, something worked tho. I say this because, she said she wanted the weekend for herself, but that never happened. I stayed at her place Friday night and we spent almost all of Saturday together. Even when we went downtown, she wrapped her arm around mine, and gave off the smile that she used to always give off when she did that. Maybe its what she needed to hear from someone who she trusts so much and feels protected when around. She always told me, "whenever your around, I feel so protected when your around, you'll never let anything happen to me. If I were to fall, youd catch me." She actually trusts me, more then anyone else. I guess, i'll see how things play out and go from there now.

[HeartIsAching]

Actually, I did. Just never mentioned. It was later that night when i told her cause my mind was a blur when she asked that and she was willing to wait til that night and how she offered the second chance.

Somehow, I don't believe you. That's the second time someone's asked you a question, and you've changed your story.