Giving me a second chance

[Shisimona]

So back on Dec 26, honestly, I dont even know what to call her right now, but we had a talk and she asked "where do you see the 2 of us going". So, after she asked that, I got lost in my mind and started saying random things. Took a little walk to help me calm down. I told her "dont do this. I dont wanna loose you." She said "you wont loose me". Then she brought up "you have been a complete ass for the past few months." I replied with "why didnt you say anything back then, why now?." She never said anything. So later on that night, we are cuddling on the couch, and she brought up "we both have been asses to each other the past few months, so im gonna give you a second chance." Im replied "I can deal with that."

At this time, both her parents live at the lake and she went there for xmas. I was suppose to go but she didnt want me too. Then on Dec 28th I talked to my dad, mom and my dads gf, and I had a total of 5.5 hours worth of lectures. My dads gf, brought up some really good points, saying "that was both need to grow up, take on responsibility, start pulling weight around, communicate better, i need to start to dress a little better, both of you need to mature up." She said some other stuff but dont remember. So after that, i really dont know what to call her right now lol, she texted me begging me to come to the lake Dec 29th in the morning and to bring some clothes. Im like"why does she want me to go there now." So I went. When I got there, me and her sat down, and I told her what I got lectured about and her reply was "your dads gf got everything bang on." So I said "why didnt you say something if you knew what the problem was." She replied with "I tried." I said "you didnt try very hard cause we could have fixed this back in Sept." She said "I know." If she knew why didnt she say anything, we both could have worked this out. Even during the past few months I even brought up, "hows everything going with us" and she kept on saying "good."

So that night, she wanted to me to sleep in the same bed as her, so I did. We cuddled up.

Then Dec 30th, we came back into town, to do some shopping. Or so I thought. When we got back into town, she was eager to get home. I asked "why" she said "you will see". Got there. I dont have time to take off my coat and we start making out.... WTF. She wouldnt kiss me past few days but will now.. Then she started to take my clothes and she took her clothes off and we went at it. After wards, we had a shower together. After that, we went for a drive and decided to go drifting in the snow. So I find a big open area and have some fun. She brings up "gotta love your gf who likes doing this." Im like WTF. In my mind I said "thought you ended this." Later that night I said "lets go to the gym." And she got ready. So she asked me to help her with some stuff. While on the shoulder press she brought up "so you gonna tell you coach that your training your gf in the gym." And again I said WTF. Later that night, her sister comes over and we are talking, she bring up "so technically we broke up." and her sister was lost for words and then she said "no were are together." Im like what is going on here. Im really lost and confused.

Then yesterday, we went to Boston Pizza for a couple drinks, and I take my seat belt off a little early and she hits the curb on purpose. We get out, and i said "trying to kill me now." and she replied with "yup, trying to kill my bf here."

Like im so lost and confused here. If you saw us, you would think we are dating but according to her, we arent. Im starting to think shes not sure what she wants right now.

[Wakeup]

What is your question/concern? She called you her bf and herself your gf about 6 times now. I'd say you're still together but you'd both better learn to communicate... Particularily You because instead of asking for clarity, you just go "WTF?" in your own mind, say nothing, ask nothing and then wonder why you're confused.

Why do you say: "You would think we were dating but we arent?"

[Shisimona]

Sorry, I just reread it. Had a bad night last night. And no, I didnt drink to much.

Yes, I have asked her and she has said we have broken up. That was the morning of the 27th when I asked her this. I thought I included that. Now comes to my question, why would she say we are broken up but says that im her bf and shes my gf. Thats why I said if you saw us you would think we were dating but we arent.

[Wakeup]

You need to ask her why she calls you her bf and her your gf when she has told you you're broken up. Of course that's if you want to be her exclusive bf. Do you want to be her bf? If you do then talk to her. If you only want to be her booty call, then don't let her call you her bf. It's all about communication, Shisimona and if you can't communicate then you're always going to be confused and if you're always confused then you're always going to be letting someone else dictate your happiness.. or lack thereof.

[Shisimona]

So she came over and checked up on me because I'm sick. I brought up what she said, and when I did, she left without saying anything. I did the communication part but she refused to say anything about it. Not sure what to do now.

[Wakeup]

Well what did you say to her? If it was just a straight forward asking and she left because you just wanted clarification, then you're far better off without her at all. No mixed up little piece is worth you getting mind fkd by her and her over-sensitivity and failure to communicate. pfffft.

[Shisimona]

All I said so if we actually did break up why did you say that your my gf twice. Once while driving and once while at the gym. and then yesterday at Boston pizza you said yup I wanna kill my bf. That's all I asked.

Yeah, I know I could have been better at communication. You learn from your mistakes.

[Wakeup]

All I said so if we actually did break up why did you say that your my gf twice. Once while driving and once while at the gym. and then yesterday at Boston pizza you said yup I wanna kill my bf. That's all I asked.

Yeah, I know I could have been better at communication. You learn from your mistakes.

You didn't say anything wrong, Shisimona. She's daft, immature or just playing you. Up to you if you want to keep trying to pursue something with her but she doesn't seem like she's an easy girl to talk to so you'll likely always be wondering WTF? with her. Ugh!

[Shisimona]

My dads gf has said she is very immature. And I have other people say she's playing games. One of my buddies actually said tell her to f off and leave you alone.

[Shisimona]

I should have mentioned this in last post but yes I would like to pursue her but I'm not sure how to do that. I know one is too stay away for a bit but since we have been hanging out since this has happened, could this have ruined my chances or no?

[Wakeup]

Well, she's too immature to be in any kind of decent relationship with anyone. Do you want to be exclusive bf/gf or do you just want the sex? Make sure you really know what you want and you'll figure it out on your own.

There is a poster her "BackUpOrGetStung" He'd tell you just to fk her and other girls as well so that you have options and don't have to worry about confusing steady sex with "love." I'll tell you to figure out your motivation for wanting to pursue her and then take it from there. Just realize that you shouldn't let her antics and attempts to make you jump through hoops a lifestyle. Don't be afraid to let her know that that crap doesn't sit well with you. If she bolts because you are being assertive (without being an asshole about it) then you're far better off without her. PERIOD.

Good luck..

[staticline]

It sounds as though you're both a tad immature, but I suspect you're quite young so that seems reasonable. It sounds to me like you just had a blip.. she was having doubts and because you're each perhaps not so skilled yet at communicating within relationships, she opted to end it rather than talk to you and figure out how to compromise on your issues, only to rekindle the relationship days later. (And it very much does seem as though she's working from the angle that you're back together.) I'm sure it's quite typical of less experienced couples that doubts or disagreements will result in making up and breaking up, rather than working through.. I guess it's just the case that with age and experience, you gain more perspective on things, and hence are more able to figure things out between you, know that every disagreement isn't the end of the world, and practice compromise. I don't think there's any reason why you shouldn't carry on in the relationship if that's what you want to do... just chalk it down to experience. The important thing is to reflect on what went wrong (I'd suggest a lack of communication on both sides, as other's have), and work on improving those aspects of the relationship. You really need to ask her where you stand, and what the problems were that caused her to break up with you.

[Shisimona]

So I was wondering if this is a good idea or not. One of the co-workers said to get her flowers and have them delivered to her workplace. Good or bad idea?

[Wakeup]

Bad Idea. Why would you reward her for bad behaviour? You don't even know where you stand with her yet. Buy her flowers after you know where you stand as appreciation for her being in your life.. not becuase you want to try and buy back her affection. JMNSHO.

[Shisimona]

I'll be doing it after I find out. Just want to know if getting them delivered to her workplace or if I should hand them to her myself.