Girlfriend and I are fall out of the relationship feel

[smackie9]

2) She stays a lazy person and doesn't want to do anything but watch Netflix and hang out with her moldy milk cups.

Ew!....................

[michelle23]

reading that makes me feel a little sick. what the f**k is wrong with some people

it sounds like you are both v unhappy. it may be posskble that she is depressed but its also possibly that shes just a slob.

because you have a young baby together-i am going to recommend relationship counselling.

however i do think that you are just not compatable and it may be better to end it and come up with a custody plan together.

what possessed you to even have sex with her in the first place if shes that dirty and smelly? it gives me the shivers just thinking about it.

i do feel sorry for you man-its a really crappy situation but the most important thing whatever happens is ensuring your a good dad to your daughter.

my gut is telling me she will try to make your life hell but fight for custody and dont give up


good luck

[iBlackSunday]

reading that makes me feel a little sick. what the f**k is wrong with some people

it sounds like you are both v unhappy. it may be posskble that she is depressed but its also possibly that shes just a slob.

because you have a young baby together-i am going to recommend relationship counselling.

however i do think that you are just not compatable and it may be better to end it and come up with a custody plan together.

what possessed you to even have sex with her in the first place if shes that dirty and smelly? it gives me the shivers just thinking about it.

i do feel sorry for you man-its a really crappy situation but the most important thing whatever happens is ensuring your a good dad to your daughter.

my gut is telling me she will try to make your life hell but fight for custody and dont give up

good luck

Well, you see, I never knew she was a slob until I moved into her mothers house. She always did the stuff I asked her to. Threw away her trash, didn't leave stuff laying around, but we had our Daughter and she just started being a slob. I know she's not like this normally, but why now? I stayed at my parents house last night and I plan on going over there after work to see my daughter. Depending on how my girlfriend reacts, I might come back down to my parents.

She's always told me even if we aren't together and I am in my daughters life, she would not pursue child support and allow me time with my daughter, hopefully 50/50. I plan on being the best father I can be to my little one and at the moment, it would be extremely nice to move out of her parents and get a place of my own. Start having the life you are supposed to with a family and support them. She needs to step her game up and be a mother and potentially find another job as well to help pay for rent. I let her know that and she had filled out a few applications yesterday.

I really hope she works this out with herself because I do want to be with her, but not in the state she is in at the moment. She needs to start being a mother (Not while around our daughter, but things to support her) which is what I am trying to do. There is no place but up in my book and I feel to her, she is staying at ground level just surviving.

[michelle23]

Is it possible that she could have post-natal depression or maybe she is just exhausted from looking after the baby. Has she always been this way or is this all new?

I agree moving into your own place together would be better than sharing a tiny room. Its claustrophobic and it would affect any relationship but you need to be sure that she will actually clean your house if you move in together.

If shes just unhygienic, it would be very hard to change that but if this is just since the baby-then you should give her time to learn how to adjust and manage.

How old is your daughter? If she has a newborn baby, it is no surprise if she is exhausted a lot of the time, doesnt have much time to clean or have a shower. I think a lot of men do not understand that a baby takes up A LOT of time especially if your not there with her coz your working.

I have heard men on the Jeremy Kyle show numerous times saying the house is dirty, shes an unfit parent etc etc but these men have no idea how difficult it is for her (a single mother with a 2-3week old baby) and how much time the baby takes up and Jeremy normally sticks up for her saying a first time mother needs more help and support than people realize and its good to have family/friends around who would help.

I remember when my aunt had a baby, my mum and nana went over every day and cleaned up for her and helped make bottles and stuff. She was exhausted and she had a c-section so was in a lot of pain. It can take time.

Im just saying maybe if you were together longer-you would know that this is not normal behavior for her and its just because she has a new baby. You dont really know for sure if she has always been unhygienic or if its just because she is not coping right now. It all happened really fast which makes the situation even more difficult but these problems sound easily fixable.

Have you asked her why she is rude to your family?

[iBlackSunday]

Is it possible that she could have post-natal depression or maybe she is just exhausted from looking after the baby. Has she always been this way or is this all new?

I agree moving into your own place together would be better than sharing a tiny room. Its claustrophobic and it would affect any relationship but you need to be sure that she will actually clean your house if you move in together.

If shes just unhygienic, it would be very hard to change that but if this is just since the baby-then you should give her time to learn how to adjust and manage.

How old is your daughter? If she has a newborn baby, it is no surprise if she is exhausted a lot of the time, doesnt have much time to clean or have a shower. I think a lot of men do not understand that a baby takes up A LOT of time especially if your not there with her coz your working.

I have heard men on the Jeremy Kyle show numerous times saying the house is dirty, shes an unfit parent etc etc but these men have no idea how difficult it is for her (a single mother with a 2-3week old baby) and how much time the baby takes up and Jeremy normally sticks up for her saying a first time mother needs more help and support than people realize and its good to have family/friends around who would help.

I remember when my aunt had a baby, my mum and nana went over every day and cleaned up for her and helped make bottles and stuff. She was exhausted and she had a c-section so was in a lot of pain. It can take time.

Im just saying maybe if you were together longer-you would know that this is not normal behavior for her and its just because she has a new baby. You dont really know for sure if she has always been unhygienic or if its just because she is not coping right now. It all happened really fast which makes the situation even more difficult but these problems sound easily fixable.

Have you asked her why she is rude to your family?

She has always been like this, it just never bothered me this much in the past. I've told her to not do things even before we had our daughter. My little one is 3 months old yesterday. She really isn't fussy or anything, especially as much as she was during the first few weeks. She's always been kind of unhygienic, which didn't bother me really because I'd just tell her to throw on some deodorant. When I first met her at the job we both worked at, she didn't wear deodorant either. Now when I tell her to put some on because she's getting a little smelly, she gets irritated because I guess she feels I am putting her down instead of helping her. People don't want to be around somebody that is smelly, that's simple. She says she doesn't mind being around smelly people because she has a horse. I feel like I can't tell her to do something even as small as telling her to change her pants because there are stains all over them, because she just gets irritated about it.

My girlfriend has really never picked anything up unless I specifically tell her to do something. I've even came home from working 14 hours (Pizza Delivery) and while I'm cleaning up the room she's just sitting there on the computer or the bed even if I tell her I'm coming home to clean the room. I don't mind if the room is messy, that's fine, because I can't have things EXTREMELY clean, but leaving plates of food and bringing more down everyday and not taking them upstairs has always got to me. Throw trash away, there are 3 trash cans in the room...

I have been with her for over a year and a half, and we dated for about 6 months around 2 years ago. Her mother and mothers boyfriend are always there for her. They both take part in watching our Daughter, usually 3 or 4 days out of the week since we both work. My mom or dad takes the other days with her, and Saturday and Sunday my girlfriend and I have her. Her mom and my parents give her tons of options to who can watch her, but when she doesn't tell my mom she doesn't have a baby sitter until the morning of and my mom already had plans to work that day, it's very rude.

I've asked her what's going on, and she feels like everybody is against her and I reassured her nobody is against her. For instance, my mother and sister helped her go through her cloths (She was wearing 2XS Shirts when she shouldn't wear anything smaller than a S) and my sister works 3rd shift meaning she needs her sleep during the day. My girlfriend didn't thank my mother or sister for helping her. She never says thank you to anybody unless it's forces by me or somebody else. She also said she was afraid of failure and if she starts something she doesn't want to fail at it, so she just doesn't start something. To me, that is just an excuse to not do anything in life.

[michelle23]

It sounds like you and she are just not compatible. You are probably too different, the infatuation has worn off and you are getting more and more irritated. I could not be with someone who has poor personal hygiene and I could not live in a house that has garbage everywhere and insects. Its disgusting and probably not safe for the baby.

She is probably just selfish, lazy with no motivation or ambition.

It is your choice what you decide to do but I dont think this situation will get any better

[iBlackSunday]

It sounds like you and she are just not compatible. You are probably too different, the infatuation has worn off and you are getting more and more irritated. I could not be with someone who has poor personal hygiene and I could not live in a house that has garbage everywhere and insects. Its disgusting and probably not safe for the baby.

She is probably just selfish, lazy with no motivation or ambition.

It is your choice what you decide to do but I dont think this situation will get any better

I am doing everything to keep myself away from the house, but it's tough because she wants to always stay home with our little one, and when I do say I am going to my parents for the night, she gets really upset and starts saying she misses me and that she doesn't want me to leave. It's so tough, and I know I have to do it, but lately I've just felt horrible. I feel like I am ruining my life, even though when I am around her and she is not crying I feel like I can't be around her.

I don't want to stay away because I know she needs help with our daughter, and I feel like a bad father when I don't stay there. She told me yesterday she needs me home because she needs me to be a father to our daughter...What do I say to something like that?

[michelle23]

tell her you will take the baby for the night if she needs a break. I think you need to tell her its over and come up with a custody agreement. This is not working

[iBlackSunday]

tell her you will take the baby for the night if she needs a break. I think you need to tell her its over and come up with a custody agreement. This is not working

Understandable, and you know how tough it's gonna be. I'll see what I can do.

[michelle23]

Understandable, and you know how tough it's gonna be. I'll see what I can do.

Best of luck, I know its hard but most people would not be able to put up with this for too long.

Just dont do anything to piss her off. Stay single for the next 6-12 months, concentrate on work and the baby and do everything you can to make the custody plan go smoothly. If you dump her and find a new gf in like a month or two-she will make your life hell so give her time to get over you before you start moving on.

[surfhb2]

I guarantee her issues has something to do with the baby being born. It's common.

[Cerby]

there are alot of chicks who are willing to be there and produce and contribute to a relationship...unfortunately some of us run into the other percentage

i used to do alot for my ex....groceries....expensive/good seats to concerts, sporting events, broadway shows....every weekend we were getting takeout or dining out and some very nice places.....great gifts on birthdays/xmas....random shopping money......you couldnt imagine a happier person when this was going on....and some of the things i did for her my friends would say "ha dont tell my girl shell hate me"......and my ex would note how extravagant i was.......i wanted to show her how special she was to me and how much i cared.....and after awhile i kept pushing for her to show something...show some care and a willingess to contribute....her ways were little ways like baking or picking up some small gifts randomly....which was great but i wanted to see her willing to be there for me(i saw her brothers gf buy tickets to baseball games for them...my girl would never make an effort like that)....even though she professed her love for me all of the time.....there were waterworks and rages...sometimes diversions...and glimmers of hope....but never any real change.....

i remember our last xmas....i gave her a few gifts...spent around 400 for them....then i gave her a card with 800 in cash and told her we were going to go to this mall i had taken her to that she loved(on that trip i randomly bought her a pair of shoes for no good reason other than to make her happy and feel special)....well before you knew it that money had gone to paying back bills and spent on complete junk and useless crap...........eventually i started taking these things away.....started spending less....even went the cheapo route for her last birthday...we which you could tell she was visibly disappointed(my birthday was a couple days later and she gave me a great birthday)....but i had moved to her hometown and was paying my own way...and there was rarely any sign of her wanting to have a mature, adult, relationship

this was a girl whom had paid for almost nothing...a cell bill...tanning...car insurance....and had not a dime when we broke up......this type of person will never change....they will use their looks and charm....she will live with her parents in her childhood bedroom until this new guy puts a ring on her finger and will be expected to pay for everything.....they will be in for a rude awakening when he will bear the responsibility of mortgage, vehicles, groceries, entertainment, children, insurance......and she will have no clue how to manage money and will become frustrated with all of her responsibilities......at least i feel strongly that will happen unless there is some dramatic change....but i cant see it happening

there are tons of smart and ambitious women who are willing to fight for love...and be there....

I think you're missing the point, you're equating love to the amount of money spent on someone. She used to bake for you a buy you small things that showed she cared. She didn't buy you baseball tickets, therefore she didn't love you? The f*ck? Bro, the OP has problems with his gf doing nothing and wanting to keep it like that. You on the other hand pampered the sh*t out of your gf and were unhappy when she didn't spend a fortune back on you. Who in their right mind spends $1200 on someone for xmas? My god man, your problems are much different, you see a relationship balance based on dollars, not on feelings.

Your lesson is to invest less financially and more emotionally, because I assure you, you won't find many women who will spend the coin on you that you do on them. I've been dating my gf for 2 years and maybe the total sum of gifts including the trip to Vegas was $1200.

[michelle23]

there are five different love languages. one of them is giving and recieving gifts.my top two are physical touch and quality time and i scored high on words of affirmation too.i scoredvery low on self sacrifice a.d gifts which means i need lots of affection, intimacy, sex, spend lots of time together and be told im loved in order to feel loved. buying me roses or offering to help clean the house would mean v little to me in terms of love.

iits good to know what your language is and what your partners is to avoid confusion. overanxious showed his love through spending money but she could have shown hers in a different way which lead to problems.

[Cerby]

there are five different love languages. one of them is giving and recieving gifts.my top two are physical touch and quality time and i scored high on words of affirmation too.i scoredvery low on self sacrifice a.d gifts which means i need lots of affection, intimacy, sex, spend lots of time together and be told im loved in order to feel loved. buying me roses or offering to help clean the house would mean v little to me in terms of love.

iits good to know what your language is and what your partners is to avoid confusion. overanxious showed his love through spending money but she could have shown hers in a different way which lead to problems.

She did, through baking and tears. Sounds like OA just wanted monetary validation, and she only had emotions to give. F*ck her, right?

[michelle23]

money means nothing to me. i always buy small gifts for people and i only expect small things like a book or a pair of shoes or something. i wouldnt like to be with someone who spent loadsa cash on me-it would just make me feel uncomfortable. most girls dont want expensive gifts-we prefer cuddles and time

but id say they just were not compatable. its wrong to say she didnt care coz she didnt spend money. she didnt ask him to spend all that and he didnt have to.