Dumped Because I'm Stressed Over Custody Battle :'(

[woody]

^yes it is good to disagree now and then. I must say though, our impressions off her o.p are like night and day. I'm just not seeing where your coming from. I love the no holds bar approach you often give, no sugar coating, like a breath of fresh (or not so much) air but you know what I mean.
But yeah, I couldn't disagree with you more over this particular one. No need trying to argue your points again. I think we'll stay where we are here.
oh yes, about the weed thing. It is medicine for me. Dr's note n all. Appreciate it when people don't tag it to character...
hope your well wakeup

you too montanamommy.

[dontaskme]

^yes it is good to disagree now and then. I must say though, our impressions off her o.p are like night and day. I'm just not seeing where your coming from. I love the no holds bar approach you often give, no sugar coating, like a breath of fresh (or not so much) air but you know what I mean.
But yeah, I couldn't disagree with you more over this particular one. No need trying to argue your points again. I think we'll stay where we are here.
oh yes, about the weed thing. It is medicine for me. Dr's note n all. Appreciate it when people don't tag it to character...
hope your well wakeup

I really lol'ed on your posts my dear woody

[Wakeup]

^yes it is good to disagree now and then. I must say though, our impressions off her o.p are like night and day. I'm just not seeing where your coming from.

That's because you think that no matter whats going on in her life and her emotional (non) well beeing he should support her when that's codependent thinking. But like you said, we'll agree to disagree.

Peace and I hope you're well too. (for the record and IMO they should make booze illegal and pot legal and regulated like they currently regulate booze. Booze causes way more problems to families and individuals then weed ever could and they've said as much here in Canada where the C.A.M (Canadian Association of Mental Illness) has done an extensive study and said it would cause far less harm if it was regulated and sold legally as they sell booze around here (It is expected to be sold through our Liquor Control Board Stores when it finally gets through legislature)

[woody]

WEll I totally agree with you on that last paragraph Wakeup. Here's hoping it actually reaches fruition.

and as far as M.M goes, well, At least she got two very differed opinions here. I'm sure she's got allot going on right now and some tough decisions to make. Always good to get stuff from both spectrums. Perhaps she will find a common ground. Again, here's hoping.
I must say though, in lue of your "stop being an instigator of even more unrest in this family" comment you made to me, well, I hardly think I did such a thing. Offer my opinion? Yes, indubitably done. Is that not what this site is for? Indeed.
Anyway, cheers and may this find you well enjoying your day.

[Wakeup]

I said that because by making him the bad guy, you caused her to start thinking like she didn't have to do anything to change when in the post prior, she had come to terms with what SHE NEEDS to do to get back on her own right track which will lead her and him to be in a less dysfunctional situation. When she's happy and settled, then he'd not want to leave.

She has to iron out whats going on with herself not continue on in the drama and expect him to continue to bare the brunt of her stress/moods/dysfunction/anxiety inducing reactions that affect BOTH children as well as her (so far) current partner.

He's hardly an asshole because he has good personal boundaries in place that keep him and his daughter safe from any further emotional harm.

Bottomline: Whether she stays with him, leaves him or goes on a break and gets back together with him... it will all work out the best for her and her daughter if she comes to an amicable custody sharing with the father and she gets the help she needs for her PTSD and overcomes that issue.

[woody]

Fair enough.
I'm a little different though; meaning, I tend to stick around when my sweetheart is going through tough times. I don't bolt (or ask him to) nor do I give ultimatums. CAll it what you will but that's just me m'am. It takes two to make the things go right in my opinion and i'll be darned if I drop out just because my man needs any extra support. I figure that's part of what makes a relationship work. We are there for each other through thick and thin so to speak...and when/if I need care, he's there for me too. That's just the way we roll here in the ol homestead, the way we roll. Call that enabling, pushover, dobey lackin (my term), what have you; I call it unconditional love.
anyway, i see your point, I see mine too.
Hope Montana does right by herself and her child.

big smile
woody

[Wakeup]

Fair enough.
I'm a little different though; meaning, I tend to stick around when my sweetheart is going through tough times. I don't bolt (or ask him to) nor do I give ultimatums. CAll it what you will but that's just me m'am. It takes two to make the things go right in my opinion and i'll be darned if I drop out just because my man needs any extra support. I figure that's part of what makes a relationship work. We are there for each other through thick and thin so to speak...and when/if I need care, he's there for me too. That's just the way we roll here in the ol homestead, the way we roll. Call that enabling, pushover, dobey lackin (my term), what have you; I call it unconditional love.
anyway, i see your point, I see mine too.
Hope Montana does right by herself and her child.

big smile
woody

I wouldn't leave either if it was an illness or a temporary set back due to a lost job or some such but I'd not stick around and allow his business (that should have been finished before starting up with me, affect my child's well being. To stay when it's affecting your child is abusing that child.
If more people realized that, then there would be less screwed up young-uns on this planet.

Like I've always said, it takes much more then "love" to keep a relationship a happy one.

[woody]

Ok. Yet where in her posts does it (anywhere) imply the man's child is being negatively affected? For the impression I read seemed quite clear the woman cares deeply for her step daughter and does all she can to provide a loving home with good food, help with school work, giggles and love. I'm not seeing where any neglect or abuse was mentioned so i must assume this is something you have assumed or an impression you get off reading. But what did you read that implied such?

[Wakeup]

She has PTSDisorder and he wanted to break up with her over the stress of the drama that her DIVORCE and custody (not yet finalized) was causing in the relationship. Its clear that someone with diagnosed PTSDisorder isn't looking after themselves well never mind others.

Why do you think the title of her thread is "Dumped because I'm stressed over custody battle?" There is no assumption here. What I'm saying is based on Op's own words and the very diagnosis of PTSD and what it causes to people with it.

[TablesandChairs]

OP; I think this might be a blessing in disguise. You need some time out so you have the energy to cope with what is going on with your own daughter. Custody battles are hell and honestly, while you're running around after his daughter, looking after his household and his needs...it's all very draining when you're also coping with PTSD and worrying about the future of your child.

It's time to think about you. He'll be fine. His daughter will be okay - at the end of the day she's with a father who can take care of her. She'll miss you but kids are resilient.

If you move out, look at it as a period where you can do what you want/when you want - you won't be responsible for his child or his needs - just your own. Channel your energy into finding better legal counsel, take your time and think about your situation; custody battles can be very ugly when two people go at it like bulls - you might want to think about trying a different approach, some compromise even...whatever will eventually give your daughter what she needs.

As for your partner - honestly, I wouldn't want to be with someone who tosses me aside when I'm no longer meeting his every expectation. Obviously everyone has a breaking point; my ex had bi-polar and I stuck with him through a lot but when he started hitting me, I was out. But I don't think you've done anything as horrible as that; you've been stressed out and down and what you needed was to be empowered and supported by a partner who understands the emotive nature of what you've going through. Did he do that?

Anyway, we don't know his side of the story; like woody, my immediate reaction is that you were used while you fitted into his needs and tossed aside when you were more trouble than you were worth. And that's an ugly way for anyone to conduct a relationship. But it might just be that he recognises you need some time away from all distractions - for everyone's sake - so you can can refocus.

I feel like you took on his problems/his life quite generously and maybe it's time to take a step back from that - let him deal with his own load in life and you do the same. At the moment, i don't think you can afford to be taking care of others - take care of you.

You are right to be angry but the world didn't begin or end with this man. You have bigger things to worry about.