When Did Cheating Become So Acceptable?

[doppelgaenger]

I don't think cheating happens that often.

[IndiReloaded]

[url=http://www.usnews.com/news/national/articles/2008/03/27/how-common-are-cheating-spouses.html]How Common Are Cheating Spouses? - US News and World Report[/url]

I've also recommended this book before. Its in my own library and is an interesting read, especially for the married and LTR folk:

[url=http://www.estherperel.com/synopsis.html]Esther Perel - Author of "Mating in Captivity"[/url]

[doppelgaenger]

The article claims that less than 1/5 of spouses are unfaithful. I thought it was more like 1/3, which actually makes me feel pretty good about society. I still don't think that's enough for you to say that "very few" married couples stick together faithfully, especially considering the statistics deal with USA alone.

Who gives a shit about politicians and celebs?

Oh shit, did I just see the word "epidemic" be misused ****in' again?!?! **** this article!

[Mish]

When did cheating become so normal?

I think about 5,000 years ago.


Could be earlier.

[Incognito]

Are you actually old enough to have come to such a sweeping conclusion about the human race?

I don't think its 'become acceptable' anymore today than a generation or so ago. Its probably more the type of people you hang around with. Maybe you should broaden your contact demographics.

Things that aren't accepted by society are generally not talked about publicly or in the media. Going back this is illustrated perfectly by what is and isn't shown on TV. Affairs, homosexuality, and graphic violence have all been introduced to TV within the past 20 years (not simply the idea, but the graphic depiction of these subjects). This highlighting of such concepts/ideas/activities for entertainment shows an acceptance by society of such things. In short, yes, cheating is more acceptable now than in the past. To ignore plain truths and believe polls or a book simply because it tells you what you want to hear is a bit misguided. Although I do admire (somewhat) people who still have the notion that humans are innately "good".

[IndiReloaded]

In short, yes, cheating is more acceptable now than in the past. To ignore plain truths and believe polls or a book simply because it tells you what you want to hear is a bit misguided.

So, if its misguided, then what's the source of your info? Your incredibly wide base of life-experience?

Or, are you a sexual counsellor perhaps with some reasonably believable data that you'd like to share? Otherwise, you are just stating an opinion, a far cry from a 'plain truth'. Nothing wrong with having an opinion, but you want to make a generalization based on the thread title and you can't do that based on individual opinion.

I still don't think that's enough for you to say that "very few" married couples stick together faithfully, especially considering the statistics deal with USA alone.

Well, again, who are all the longtime married couples you know that would fit this criteria, Dopple?

[Incognito]

I love the moralizing that happens amongst people who are so young and idealistic. It's adorable.

I don't like to see what happens to people when they repeatedly see something incorrect and simply accept it. Becoming jaded is not adorable.

[Incognito]

So, if its misguided, then what's the source of your info? Your incredibly wide base of life-experience?
Or, are you a sexual counsellor perhaps with some reasonably believable data that you'd like to share? Otherwise, you are just stating an opinion, a far cry from a 'plain truth'. Nothing wrong with having an opinion, but you want to make a generalization based on the thread title and you can't do that based on individual opinion.
Well, again, who are all the longtime married couples you know that would fit this criteria, Dopple?

Well I know sarcasm when I see it, and it is unnecessary. I also chose the word "misguided" very carefully so as to not offend you, but I see it didn't work. In short I disagreed with what you said and gave an example that can plainly be recalled, understood and even verified. It is a general example, I will give you that, but it is valid nonetheless. I also try to keep opinion out of my posts unless the subject warrants it. What I stated about society and entertainment trends is not my opinion, and you seem to ignore that all the while using your own opinion as a basis for an argument. When people want to believe something they often look for a book, or internet site (something in writing) that mirrors what they want to believe. They then point to this as their gospel, when in fact anyone can find such a book, or internet site, or poll no matter how right or wrong they are. Everyone writes books, blogs, and many people hold skewed polls for their own purposes, but just because someone took the time to write it doesn't make it factual.

[doppelgaenger]

Well, again, who are all the longtime married couples you know that would fit this criteria, Dopple?

Pretty much everyone except my parents. My aunts and uncles, all of my grandparents, several of my cousins and two of my siblings. Quite a few of my friends have been married for a few years and their relationships are great.
My girlfriend's parents are still happily together, so are her aunts and uncles and many (most) of her family members. A few of her friends as well.

[VincenzoG91]

Doppleganger, any minute now, somebody is going to post that you don't know for sure what all of those people are up to, that most of them have probably cheated or been cheated on at some point. But I agree with you. I think that the only people who believe cheating is widespread are cheaters and victims of cheaters. They are trying to rationalize their negative experiences as perfectly normal. But it isn't that normal, which is obvious from the negative reaction that most people have towards cheating. It's still considered scandalous, especially when one of the people involved is famous.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL, I'm not posting based on experience. I've been married for longer than most of you have been sentient and both faithful (far as I know). Tho this depends on your definition, I suppose.

As for Incognito, I'm not taking offense and I'm not being sarcastic. But you are right that it is relatively easy to find data that will support one's position on the internet. I also think you are ignoring the very real data that is out there on fidelity in humans and other animals. Monogamy is NOT the standard, even in species that supposedly are.

So again, I ask you: how many of you know couples who have been together for more than 'a few years' that have managed to achieve the Gold Standard? I think we are talking about fidelity on at least the order of a decade or more, aren't we? If we are discussing marriage, that is.

If you are meaning fidelity within a short term relationship, something on the order of 5 years of less (my definition), then I would agree that its sad people cannot stay faithful that long. Or at least have the decency to break it off if they feel the need to sow their oats elsewhere.

But, again, why is it such a big deal to all of you? In the case of a decades long marriage with children, do you really think that a single act of weakness is worth trashing an entire marriage for? Do you dissolve an otherwise profitable business b/c of a year in a bad economy?

Just curious.

[Incognito]

Well cheating is widespread, but not normal (in a right vs wrong sense). There will never be a reliable poll for this because many who cheat either didn't take the poll because they didn't know about it, or didn't want to be a part of it. Its hard enough to get people to vote for a president. Do you think everyone is going to flock to a poll to admit to cheating? Doubtful. I've personally never been cheated on (that I know of), but I have talked to many many people who think that there isn't anything wrong with it. I know people who are in a relationship who cheat as well as people who are single and sleeping with someone who IS in a relationship. These people tend to selfish and seem to not care about the possible consequences.

[OneQuestion]

The article claims that less than 1/5 of spouses are unfaithful.

And you say you DON'T think that is very much? That is a HUGE amount...

[IndiReloaded]

Well cheating is widespread, but not normal (in a right vs wrong sense).

Based on what tho? From a biological sense, its perfectly right and normal.

[Incognito]

But, again, why is it such a big deal to all of you? In the case of a decades long marriage with children, do you really think that a single act of weakness is worth trashing an entire marriage for? Do you dissolve an otherwise profitable business b/c of a year in a bad economy?

First let me say that I'm glad that you weren't offended or being sarcastic. Sometimes text without a face leaves a lot to the imagination. I also apologize for anything that I may have written that offended you.

When you compare a marriage to a business I see why you'd think that way. Its a clever analogy, but business is business (cold, plain and simple). Marriage deals with a great deal more, as you know. A business doesn't care if you give up on it, or open another business. People feel betrayed, hurt, and crushed by even one act of infidelity. Some do forgive because they believe that it was a one time thing and happened during a moment of weakness. Sometimes it is simply a moment of weakness that won't be repaeted, but for many others it is an option. Like a kid swiping a cookie from the cookie jar they don't really see anything wrong with it as long as no one finds out. I find that thinking to be very widespread.