Feelings for work girl

[Perfguy]

Vashti, I wasn't able to wait to tell her how I feel because she was the one to bring it up. I wasn't going to lie to her. And honestly, I still don't know if she has figured it out. We were talking about this other girl I liked before and she doesn't understand why I'm not interested in that girl anymore.

I guess my statement on how great I think she is and how she is appealing didn't give her the impression I'm interested? In any event, she has been super nice since that episode.

If she were to break it off with the BF, how long should you normally wait before asking her out? I don't wait to be in the rebound zone but yet, if I wait too long, she will find someone else. You're between a rock and a hard place.

[Perfguy]

Well, the girl made me mad today. She just got back from a trip with her boyfriend to see her mom and I gave her every oppurtunity to tell me things are serious with him and she won't. I asked her is he's a "keeper" since the mom likes him and all she says is "Yes, I suppose. I never dated someone my mom wouldn't like" So, all she can say is that "I suppose" he is a keeper? And why is she saying she is just dating him when they are in a relationship as BF/GF? It made me angry because I'm trying to move on and I was hoping she would say "Oh, he is definitely a keeper" so I know they will be together for awhile.

On top of that, I was discussing my adventures for finding someone to her. She has no problem giving me advise on where to find someon. That makes me think she has no interest. But, on the other hand, when I was interested in this other girl from a while ago she would say how chubby she is and how she is a "snob". But then, when I let her know I wasn't interested in that girl, she now considers her "nice". What's with that? But she prob just sees me as a friend

[vashti]

Yes, I think you are in her "friends" zone. I don't know that you should be unhappy about that, though. How would you like to be dating her and have her be so wish-washy about the nature of YOUR relationship?

[Perfguy]

So, does that mean if I am in the "friends" zone that I should just forget it? Am I just wasting my time? There is no chance of something when she breaks it off with him?

It was funny today in that I was depressed about the whole situation at work today and she could sense it. When I went up to see her, she asked what was wrong like three times. She really wanted to know but I just kept saying "nothing".

When things don't work out with them, I was thinking of asking her if she would like to go for a hike. She likes to be active. Do you think that's a "safe" way to ask her out, almost like a friend??

I have to admit I've been thinking of asking her to go for a hike now, but I'm just asking for trouble with the BF.

[King Zarathu]

So, does that mean if I am in the "friends" zone that I should just forget it? Am I just wasting my time? There is no chance of something when she breaks it off with him?

It was funny today in that I was depressed about the whole situation at work today and she could sense it. When I went up to see her, she asked what was wrong like three times. She really wanted to know but I just kept saying "nothing".

When things don't work out with them, I was thinking of asking her if she would like to go for a hike. She likes to be active. Do you think that's a "safe" way to ask her out, almost like a friend??

I have to admit I've been thinking of asking her to go for a hike now, but I'm just asking for trouble with the BF.

Don't worry about it bro--there will be others. If you're in her friends list, there isn't much you can do about pulling yourself out. Just listen to good music and think about what you can do to improve your life, rather than sit and sulk about the things that haven't been doing anything to positively serve you.

[Perfguy]

Well, lately I've been looking for "tells" to figure out if she has any interest in me. I've done a little research on what things a girl will do if she likes you. Well, I've noticed recently that:

- She repeats my name when I speak to her

- I was speaking to her the other day and she kept tossing her ponytail around

- She really gets concerned when I am down/sad (see above post)

- She was laughing at something I said that wasn't even funny

- She sent me this sarcastic e-mail the other day on how worried she was that my Fed-Ex package didn't come in yet. Actually, that one was kinda wierd

- When the above mentioned package came in, she threw in on my desk in an angry way. As I watched her walk away, I saw she was smiling.

So, as always, I'm still not sure about her. It is possible for someone to become interested in you, just by the fact you are interested in her, right??

Then, there is the possibility that she is just playing me, for whatever reason. If that's the case, I think that's really messed up..

[derm]

I think she's a nutter...........are we still talking about the same girl here?

[KillaJakez]

She is a friend. It's over. Go meet someone else. I may be brutal, but I speak the truth.

[Perfguy]

So, I tried to take KillaJakez advice and move on. The only way for me personally to move on is the basically just blow the girl off and ignore her. If I continue to be friendly with the girl I will never get out of situation. So, with this in mind, I ignored her when I passed by her desk when she said hi to me. The second I stepped back in the door after getting my breakfast (she works the front desk) she was pissed at me! "Whats wrong with you!" ...."Why are you being grouchy?" On top of it, she also sent me an e-mail asking why I'm giving her the cold shoulder and didn't say hi back. It's like I can't escape it!! I then felt bad and bought her a sandwich to make it up to her. As I'm trying to escape it, I'm getting sucked right back in! I had to go into the bathroom and regain my composure. Did I create a monster?? Is she mad I'm not giving her attention? Sigh....

On a seperate front, there is this manager at my job that has had a thing for me for years. She is a nice, attrative 40 year old women. I know this for sure when she started giving me a backrub one day at a company function, which culminated into her kissing me on a different occasion. Anyway, I've been pretty much ignoring her for the longest (and she doesn't care, unlike the first girl) but I decided to test the water today, just to see if she's still is interested. I said hi to her today and her face lit up, as she said hi back to me. I then looked back at her as I passed and she was staring right back at me. It was funny!

Geez, these women at work are just driving me crazy!

[vashti]

Is there any particular reason you can't say "hi"? I mean, you don't have to engage in conversation with the girl, but you should ALWAYS be polite.

As for the boss lady - BAD IDEA. She would be an idiot to allow it to progress, too.

[Mathias]

Dude, you need to start going after people who AREN'T at work.

This is a bad, bad situation waiting to happen.

[Gigabitch]

Perf- the only reason to ever date anyone you work with is that there simply isn't anyone else available. Do you work in an isolated research lab in a remote part of the Arctic waste? No. You work in real estate in California. Open your office door, GO OUTSIDE AND LOOK AROUND. You will find women more appropriate for dating.

Unless, that is, you are so freaking lazy that you cannot be bothered to make it over to Starbucks today or you're agoraphobic or something.

[Perfguy]

You guys are right about just leaving her alone. I think I've come to the conclusion that she is just plain crazy or an attention whore. Today we were talking about this girl I liked (I mentioned her before) and she mentioned her BF happened to go out with her a few times, a whle ago. It's funny that we are both after the same women....but he gets to go out with them! Anyway, I told her the BF must be some hunk to be able to get that girl. She got pissed at me "Excuse me? You think she is way prettier than me? Is that what you are saying"? This is still over e-mail. So, I had to go on about how beautiful and attractive I think she is, how her looks are one of the reasons she appeals to me, yada, yada...you know, to cover myself. Well, she writes back "It's ok. I was just messing with you". I had to go through all that beacuse she was playing a game?? geez.

Regarding the manager lady, I would never try anything with her. But I might start giving her more attention...LOL

[vashti]

Don't play with the boss lady.

About your email conversation, I think you were taking the whole exchange too seriously. Girls play those kinds of games all the time.

[Gigabitch]

Regarding hitting on girls at Starbuck's (or any similar venue), just how does one of these [successful] scenarios play out in your mind, Giga? ...Not being critical; rather, I'm truly curious to hear the female perspective.

Maybe it's just reeeeeally easy to pick me up.