Distructive relationship behaviour

[Indignant]

What some of you are failing to spot is that whilst you thinking you are giving good advice, what you are really doing is proving my point, which is there is just no pleasing some women, they choose to hear what they want and like to manipulate the situation to belittle men at any given opportunity.

this is exactly why we should be thinking that all men are shallow and empty assholes, such as you, but we don't. all men and women are unique. you are too old to change and will probably stay a lonely and miserable jerk for the rest of your life, since you won't be able to let yourself see a wonderful person in any woman that you meet. women will always be manipulative little bitches in your eyes.

[lovesjoyajm]

Sounds like you were expecting this to fail by not really being surprised of her 'being 18.' ....Have you ever wondered if you unwittingly selected this 18 year old because some part of you sensed that these difficulties could eventually lead to the ending of the relationship? Thus satisfying your self-fulfilling prophecy that plays out in your subconscious?

I was just thinking about this today, and I think it's definitely a possibility. (In my case, at least.) I have this weird, horrible idea that I'm just not date-able - that there must be some fundamental reason why I've never had a relationship - and while people tell me things like "it's not that hard to find someone to be in a relationship with!", I simply never do/have. It's not for lack of trying, either, but I think there's something to that "picking guys (people) with whom you KNOW or suspect it won't work out."

Anyway, casco, it does sound like you maybe do the same kind of thing - picking women who will be moving away (did you know she was going to be moving?) or women who aren't really in the right age range. Maybe you're pre-sabotaging the relationships because you have either some fear of relationships, or simply because that's "what you do". It's self-perpetuating.

When I figure out how to get around it I'll let you know.

[Indignant]

any relationship is a lot of work. any most people are too selfish to put the time and energy it needs to survive.

[Aeradalia]

she initially told me not to focus on the negatives and too look at the positives in life (and through what i have learned in previous relationships and use the experience constructively) - which is exactly why i gave up on listening to the piss poor comments from indignavashti (they may as well be the same person).

Focusing on the positive while remaining grounded in the realistic is usually the best way to be.

The good thing about a forum like this is you can choose who you want to listen to and who you do not. Hopefully you will be able to pull some useful advice from this forum and use it to help your current situation.

What some of you are failing to spot is that whilst you thinking you are giving good advice, what you are really doing is proving my point, which is there is just no pleasing some women, they choose to hear what they want and like to manipulate the situation to belittle men at any given opportunity.

I'm probably going to be persecuted for the following comments... but having dated females.. I have to say that I have found a suprisingly large percentage of these women to be quite negative, dissatisfied with most things in life (especially me), and quick to manipulate any given situation to use to belittle the other when they are angry, agitated, or even sad. My sympathies go out to straight males that have to date them... and especially to all the women who are decent and do not behave in this manner, for they are often overlooked by men who had been burned by these truly conniving bitches.

Its nice to know that this girl i was with isnt the only female who just doesnt "get it". There are others, as this thread has proved.

I'm not sure if it is really nice to know such a thing... I'd find it to be rather sad.

this is exactly why we should be thinking that all men are shallow and empty assholes, such as you, but we don't. all men and women are unique. you are too old to change and will probably stay a lonely and miserable jerk for the rest of your life, since you won't be able to let yourself see a wonderful person in any woman that you meet. women will always be manipulative little bitches in your eyes.

I'm not sure which 'we' you are referring to and why they should be more inclined to think 'all men' are shallow and empty assholes. This statement seems rather shallow and resentful in itself and quite uncalled for.

The OP left open the idea/possibility that not all women are manipulative bitches... so it's not a matter of him not believing that women can be better... it's more of a case of him not having encountered and/or realized a woman who wasn't seemingly manipulative. Belittling comments only serve to sooth the ego of the one who gives them and does little to help the OP with the advice that was requested.

Yes he may be wrong --- there is that possiblity, and yes he may have seemingly said some hurtful things... but is it really the correct course of action to belittle oneself in order to belittle another? It would be much easier to prove the OP wrong in the perceived assumption of him saying that most women are manipulative bitches if a woman were to demonstrate all the positive qualities that are so unlike the manipulative bitch 'theme' that he has come to know.

[Aeradalia]

I was just thinking about this today, and I think it's definitely a possibility. (In my case, at least.) I have this weird, horrible idea that I'm just not date-able - that there must be some fundamental reason why I've never had a relationship - and while people tell me things like "it's not that hard to find someone to be in a relationship with!", I simply never do/have. It's not for lack of trying, either, but I think there's something to that "picking guys (people) with whom you KNOW or suspect it won't work out."

Some people are afraid of success... if they fail all the time, then nothing is expected of them. If they succeed once... then they run the risk of being expected to continue to succeed. However, relationships rarely are a matter of succeeding indefinitely or failing indefinitely. In any given relationship it has the potential to last a long time or a very short time. Each relationship you enter will be of varying lengths in duration. The quality of experience you gain from these relationships are of greater importance. With each failed relationship you learn more of the skills and lessons that you will need to increase the chances of a more successful relationship next time. You are learning from your successes and failures as you date and enter relationships... and this learning process tends to be ongoing throughout your life.

Anyway, casco, it does sound like you maybe do the same kind of thing - picking women who will be moving away (did you know she was going to be moving?) or women who aren't really in the right age range. Maybe you're pre-sabotaging the relationships because you have either some fear of relationships, or simply because that's "what you do". It's self-perpetuating.

When I figure out how to get around it I'll let you know.

This sabotage may be a way of forcing a failure in the perceived notion that a relationship is merely a success or failure... when in reality a relationship and dating are a learning experience with success/failure being a secondary concern, but not the main focus. There is more to be learned if you give the greatest genuine effort to each relationship. True, you may risk more damage to your heart initially, but in the long run you will better understand what it is you need, want, and are truly capable of.