Will you consider someone who have incurable but treatable std?

[Cain]

Unless they are with the same partner they may be spreading it to others...actually there is a very good chance they are spreading it if they have a new partner within I will say 2-3 years.

The only thing I was saying is that I would be only willing to consider being with a girl with an STD if it was HPV and I was in love with her. So, spreading it to others isn't an option since I wouldn't be sleeping with anyone else, and I'd eventually be immune to that strand that I had.

[Charlie Boy II]

in terms of HSV the (reputable) information I read said studies had found couples who took no precautions other than avoiding sex during an outbreak had a transmission rate of 10% for a year of sex. That's a widely accepted figure.

Medication cut that in half, and condoms at least cut that in half again. So you're looking at a transmission risk of roughly 2% a year if you take all the precautions. Many would find that risk acceptable if the relationship was promising, I think.

So in fact it is not all that contagious. Think about it, if it was, and 1 in 4 Americans have it now, just about 100% of the population would have it a few years from now.

Be that as it may, HSV2 scares me. To the OP I don't envy your position but in my opinion the risk is not worth sacrificing an otherwise promising relationship.

[IndiReloaded]

Wait a minute! The OP wants medical opinions? I thought the OP was asking the opinion of regular people.

What he needs is, tho, is medical advice. From someone qualified to give him such. He will be in a better position to make a decision once he gets such.

EDIT: Wow, That physician from that website really did not give great advice for a medical professional. But nevertheless he basically showed how prevalent hpv is by his response...which was similar to my post 21 that if you had sexual relations you probably already have had it. Not many people test for it unless you count the pap smears or treatment for warts.

Are you a doctor, Lesa? I understood you were a student?

There are several physicians who post there. However, if you know of a better site, perhaps you could provide the link.

[lesa]

I must be a physician in order to response with reliable information?

I didn't mean for my post to sound like a personal attack. I only wanted to comment about the advice from that physician on that website given. He really didn't give professional advice in my opinion. I did not browse the website and I am sure it is good. I was just thinking that the physician could have given better informaton. He did give honest and realistic advice about hpv but anyone could have said what he did.

Here is a very good website for the OP; however, it may not be professional medical advice. It's more support group advice. It has information for those with questions like the OP.

[url]http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/messageforum/?roia=!YzYwMwBVAAASOEEAAZ0f[/url]

Miserablechap, I believe you understand to seek professional medical advice as needed. The forum above may give you information from their perspective which is great! I highly recommended that.

Our advice is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, prevent disease, or determine whether you should/should not seek a relationship with anyone with the above mentioned sti.

Best wishes.

[IndiReloaded]

I must be a physician in order to response with reliable information?

You do not, that we know, have the training or experience to decide whether information on the internet on this topic is reliable or not.

I'm sorry Lesa, I am not attacking you. Nor do I feel personally attacked. Normally I wouldn't weigh in so hard on a topic like this. However, the OP has a decision to make that will affect his longterm health. Despite his comment that he isn't looking for medical advice, I think the best advice is that he get some. As soon as possible. Most of us here can't provide this.

Chap: I have asked Vash, who is a nurse (no secret here) to comment, but Chap, I say again that you would be best to discuss this with a doctor. Get all the facts first. It is likely that a physician will have direct experience with couples such as you & can find out just how much of concern this is (or isn't) from them.

Best wishes.

[lesa]

Okay, no one respond to topic. OP, talk to your medical provider.

I am not sure that a physician (maybe a few will) will help with relationship advice on this topic. The support forum in the link I provided is probably his best choice. The original poster knows to seek medical advice about transmission risks, etc.

If my posts are not reliable information then vashti or others advice would also not be reliable. Unless she (and others) can post photos along with their credentials...but that is not good enough on a website such as Love Forum. All advice may be appreciated by the OP.

The OP wants relationship opinion as stated and he may get a few good opinions here but much better opinions in a forum with people and love ones with the condition his asked about. They live with the condition and they know how the medications worked/not worked for them...whether their partner got the infection after taking major precautions...how HSV effected sexual intimacy, etc. That website is very good and I highly recommend going there.

A physician would either stare at you or say general informaton about that. Go to the support group. I cannot stress that enough.

If you need a prescription for something, examination, or informaton about the disease process/risks then go to your physician.


Also, my digression is a distraction to the OP. It's a topic I can go on and on about.

EDIT: Most medical providers do not see HSV type I or II as a big deal.....just a little FYI.

[vashti]

The OP said he isn't looking for medical opinions, but rather relationship opinions, so that is where I will go...

It's true that a large percentage of the public has already been exposed to HSV. Maybe you should have yourself tested to see what YOU are carrying before deciding, and in any event, I would definitely practice safer sex and avoid sex during breakouts. I also think you need some medical advice - not from a general practice physician, but from a specialist. Maybe you both can make an appointment to consult with her OB/GYN. Also, Lesa is right that many physicians don't get too excited about herpes. When compared to other problems, it is considered minor. That doesn't mean I'd want to contract it, though.

As for whether or not I'd do this - I don't know. I think a lot depends on where you are in your life - how old you are, how likely it is that you will settle down permanently at this age with this woman, etc. If you are a young guy, I'd have more reservations. I'd also be considering the possibility of transmission to babies during childbirth. The fact this woman TOLD you about it means she is responsible, so I can see why you haven't dismissed her outright. In the end, this is a choice you are going to have to make on your own.

Someone said that men don't worry about HPV because they don't have a cervix - that was the most disturbing thing I read on this page, because I know a woman who contracted HPV from her asymptomatic new husband, who is now looking at the possibility of having to get a hysterectomy. HPV has caused her a LOT of pain and humiliation. Plus, her husband feels like a complete ass that it is HIS fault she is going through this. PLEASE, everyone - be responsible about sex. If you don't care enough to protect yourself, think about protecting the women you will love in the future.

Here's some info on STD testing:

[url]http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/std-testing/ID00047[/url]

[boobaa]

But if you are going to be with her for the rest of the life. it actually doesn't matter, does it? Its only for the sake of your own comfort. You are obviously not going to have sex with anyone else, right? So you are not going to give it to anyone else either.

But yes, relationships today don't last very long...

[carl1222]

Someone said that men don't worry about HPV because they don't have a cervix - that was the most disturbing thing I read on this page, because I know a woman who contracted HPV from her asymptomatic new husband, who is now looking at the possibility of having to get a hysterectomy. HPV has caused her a LOT of pain and humiliation. Plus, her husband feels like a complete ass that it is HIS fault she is going through this. PLEASE, everyone - be responsible about sex. If you don't care enough to protect yourself, think about protecting the women you will love in the future.

That was me, vashti. To clarify: I didn't mean to suggest that I share that attitude. Nor did I mean to suggest that decent men would knowingly infect someone with HPV. I think the problem is one of ignorance not indifference.

Until recently, HPV was almost exclusively discussed in the context of a women's health problem, not as an STD. Ironically, HPV's status as an STD only came recently to the forefront as a controversy over the appropriate age to give the very new HPV vaccine. People don't like to think of 9 year old girls (the recommended age) as potentially sexually active.

Here's something that you should find more disturbing because it comes from the CDC (America's government health agency):

"Currently, there is no test designed or approved to find HPV in men. The only approved HPV test on the market is for women, for use as part of cervical cancer screening. There is no general test for men or women to check one’s overall “HPV status.” But HPV usually goes away on its own, without causing health problems. So an HPV infection that is found today will most likely not be there a year or two from now.

REMEMBER: HPV is very common in men and women. Most men with HPV will never develop health problems from it. Finding out if you have HPV is not as important as finding out if you have the diseases that it can cause. Scientists are still studying how best to screen for penile and anal cancers in men who may be at highest risk for those diseases ..." HPV and Men - CDC Fact Sheet

It seems like the US government doesn't care very much about about the effect of men with HPV infecting their sexual partners either ... now THAT's disturbing.

Carl.

ps ... the HPV vaccine is only licensed to be given to girls/women, not boys/men.

[1averagejoe]

The big question is are you willing to marry this girl?

If not move on.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Even if you are willing to marry somebody, you never know how things will go. So he might marry her, have sex with her, get what she got, and things can go downhill and **** up....so now he has a std for no reason cuz he isnt with her anymore. Now, he can become selfish and give it to who ever he wants to give it to, or if he has a heart he limits it to people he knows with a std

[vashti]

Carl - they are seeking approval for Gardasil for men because it is effective. You'll be seeing it in the future, but obviously since women are disproportionately affected, they vaccinated them first.

[url]http://www.usnews.com/blogs/heart-to-heart/2008/11/14/hpv-vaccine-for-men-its-about-time.html[/url]

[carl1222]

Carl - they are seeking approval for Gardasil for men because it is effective. You'll be seeing it in the future, but obviously since women are disproportionately affected, they vaccinated them first.

That's good to hear, and that makes sense (except to young gay men).

But the fact that the vaccine is not available to boys and men just adds to the general tone of the CDC fact sheet ... that HPV is of little significance or importance to men.

Carl.

[vashti]

I don't think the CDC can endorse it until the FDA approves it, which takes a long time.