do you men view this as cheating...?

[alovehangoverr]

Whether you want to call it cheating or not, I'd cut him loose. I'm pretty sure anyone over the age of 15 would know this behavior was inappropriate, and in fact, he did, too. That's why he kept it hidden from you. I wouldn't bother with the checking up on him, looking at his emails, whatever. He broke your trust, and I don't see the point of continuing on with someone you don't trust. You aren't married, and you don't have kids. Now is the time to save yourself from a lot of future headaches.

I agree with this.

And personally, I do consider it cheating. It's one thing to pay for a webcam show or look at porn.. it's another to form some sort of inappropriate relationship with a real person that leads to them getting naked for him on cam. Seriously, it's not like a random girl would IM him offering to get naked-- obviously there's a foundation there that isn't even remotely appropriate for a relationship.

[Tug]

Your in a monogamous relationship you need to tell your boyfriend he's either going to have sex with you or masturbate to his little on line hoe's but he's not going to have the best of both worlds.

OR why dont you use the same camera and hook up with some guys on line and see how he likes it. The thought of you have cyber sex with someone else will definitely change his tune.

[Aeradalia]

Seriously, it's not like a random girl would IM him offering to get naked-- .

Actually... they do. It's not difficult to get women to go topless on the webcam.. you don't need to say much to them at all... you don't need to know them... All you have to do is either ask... or insult them in some shallow way to where they feel they have to 'prove' you're wrong.

Young women are surprisingly easy on the internet... whereas in real life, they would never even consider doing such things.

[Lite]

If he hid it from you and wasn't doing it openly, then he knew it was wrong and that he shouldn't have been doing it.

That having been said, as far as cheating goes that's pretty mild. Just really kind of stupid.

If he truly has stopped, and has discontinued any communication with those women, then I'd say it might be OK to forgive him. However if there isn't a wedding date set, I'd hold off a bit on setting one until he has re-earned your trust.

If a wedding date is approaching, then if I were you I'd think long and hard about whether you can trust him or not.

[Lite]

Women are surprisingly easy...

There, fixed that for you.

I've seen a goodly number of grown adult women (30+) naked on their webcams. Some would just occasionally flash the camera or do a strip tease, others would grab a toy and go to town or engage in sexual contact with their boyfriend/girlfriend at random.

Much of it is not in the form of, "Oh baby you're getting me so hot." Often it is actually a group setting with multiple people watching each other ala Truth or Dare type things. Hell, you used to be able to find people to do this w/ on Yahoo's chat rooms before it was completely overrun with bots.

[Lite]

On another note, it's often a way that people seek some sort of "positive" attention and praise. IE: "Oooh, you look hot!" Or "Nice cock!" or whatever.

Which, if you have self esteem issues or self worth issues like I did, you can see how it would be addicting and appealing. Pretty much unless the webcam comes built into a laptop, the only reason to own one is for masturbating/stripping for an audience.

[Charlie Boy II]

Actually... they do. It's not difficult to get women to go topless on the webcam.. you don't need to say much to them at all... you don't need to know them... All you have to do is either ask... or insult them in some shallow way to where they feel they have to 'prove' you're wrong.

Young women are surprisingly easy on the internet... whereas in real life, they would never even consider doing such things.

Really?! Maybe I need to get a webcam

[Aeradalia]

Really?! Maybe I need to get a webcam

Sure... Charlie Boy... I'll take you slut-hunting one day on the net..

lol

[RenegadeThief]

Hes cheating on you, get out.

[bonjouraurevoir]

I am seeing this guy for 7 months. Before we started dating, we were friends. I didn’t start dating right away because he used to hang out with his ex and they were pretty close. So, I just hung out until I was assured that they were just friends. And after 3 months, I felt that they were just friends and I was sort of proud that people can have their exs and felt perhaps he was just a cool guy. He said she was like a sister to him. The odd thing is that after we were going out and he told her that we were together, she disappeared from his life. He told me that she had wanted a possible reconciliation and he dating me was the last straw for her. That is when I started to question the quality of their friendship. I enjoyed my time with him, but little bug seemed more persistent. One day, I couldn’t sleep and decided to snoop (I know wrong) and she what kind of friendship they had. To my surprise, 2 after we were dating (plus 3 months of courtship) I found 2 page love letter that he had written to her. The page included remembrance of the time they had spent as well as a full paragraph of the reason he said WHY I LOVE YOU. One of them is that she had nice breasts and butt….in one of the paragraphs he lamented having lost her for a fling and that this other girl (me) was a “distant second” compared to her. Well, that is hardly a letter anyone would send to his sister! I found 3 other emails of him saying how much he missed her and that the has cried and thought of her everyday. I’ve asked him since then (without disclosing that I snooped) if he was happy with me and how he felt having lost the friendship with her. He said he was happy and it was good that the friendship ended, since it “wasn’t working out”. I feel like a second choice and that perhaps he is still dealing with his past and not fully healed. In the letters he seemed inconsolable by the fact that she was no longer in her life. Any input you can give would be a great help. Thank you for the great work that you do!

[Lite]

Blah blah blah blah blah, I snooped bad me, blah blah blah, he's cheating on me and has never seriously given me or my relationship a try... What should I do?

Dump his ass and date someone who actually cares about you and loves you instead of pines for his ex and uses you as a distraction.

[alovehangoverr]

I am seeing this guy for 7 months. Before we started dating, we were friends. I didn’t start dating right away because he used to hang out with his ex and they were pretty close. So, I just hung out until I was assured that they were just friends. And after 3 months, I felt that they were just friends and I was sort of proud that people can have their exs and felt perhaps he was just a cool guy. He said she was like a sister to him. The odd thing is that after we were going out and he told her that we were together, she disappeared from his life. He told me that she had wanted a possible reconciliation and he dating me was the last straw for her. That is when I started to question the quality of their friendship. I enjoyed my time with him, but little bug seemed more persistent. One day, I couldn’t sleep and decided to snoop (I know wrong) and she what kind of friendship they had. To my surprise, 2 after we were dating (plus 3 months of courtship) I found 2 page love letter that he had written to her. The page included remembrance of the time they had spent as well as a full paragraph of the reason he said WHY I LOVE YOU. One of them is that she had nice breasts and butt….in one of the paragraphs he lamented having lost her for a fling and that this other girl (me) was a “distant second” compared to her. Well, that is hardly a letter anyone would send to his sister! I found 3 other emails of him saying how much he missed her and that the has cried and thought of her everyday. I’ve asked him since then (without disclosing that I snooped) if he was happy with me and how he felt having lost the friendship with her. He said he was happy and it was good that the friendship ended, since it “wasn’t working out”. I feel like a second choice and that perhaps he is still dealing with his past and not fully healed. In the letters he seemed inconsolable by the fact that she was no longer in her life. Any input you can give would be a great help. Thank you for the great work that you do!

Wow, are you seriously going to stay with this person?

Your relationship has been built on lies that he's told about his "friendship" with her.

As soon as I read about him calling you a "distant second," -- yeah, I would have bailed right then. Don't let yourself be someones second best-- it's obvious he's not over his ex.

[twisted]

don't get engaged yet. in fact...don't EVER get engaged.