do you men view this as cheating...?

[inneedofadvice]

my boyfriend has been web caming with girls, who don't live around here but they're personal shows for him. until i flipped out and left him, (he begged and i ended up giving him another chance,) he didnt think anything was wrong with it cuz he thought it was just another form of porn and im okay with him watching porn. do any of you view this as cheating or would you have done it, until something like the huge fight my boyfriend and i had, happened? im still really hurting and still not sure if i should be with him. We've been in a relationship for seven months and have been talking about getting engaged... what should i do?

[Mish]

I think it's different to porn because they are real people he is talking to. There is a real interaction taking place and he is giving them real consent. And is it mutual? I doubt it's just them stripping for him, he must be doing something in return too. I don't know if this is a form of cheating or not, but playing with your trust for sure.

What should you do? Well, you left him didn't you? So I suppose, what's done is done.

[Charlie Boy II]

Was he paying them?

[Aeradalia]

Would he be ok with you watching men on the webcam stripping and playing with themselves? If you do take him back, ask him that.

If not... then there's a pretty good chance that this can negatively affect the relationship. Anytime something doesn't work both ways... then it might be best to not partake in something like that at all.

[Mish]

If not... then there's a pretty good chance that this can negatively affect the relationship. Anytime something doesn't work both ways... then it might be best to not partake in something like that at all.

This reminds me of a time when I spoke to my ex about cheating. Her way of thinking went something like this:

When men cheat, they are the slime and should probably be fed to wild dogs with their genitals cut out

When women cheat, it's most likely because men did not satisfy them and therefore men should do a better job at being in touch with the women's emotional needs.

In both cases the woman is a victim and anyone who says otherwise probably hates women.

She couldn't understand why above is in any way inconsistent, hypocritical or illogical.

[Aeradalia]

Yeah... I wonder how much time such women spend just devising such self-centered, self-righteous, and self-serving bullshit. Do they write down the ideas when they come to them? Do they have secret seminars where they take notes?

How much of their life is spent trying to twist and manipulate the issues into shackles meant to fit on their 'significant other'? (The same could be said of men who are prone to the same disposition.) What a waste of a very short life --- to twist, bend, and break the rules and the hearts of others... and for what? Just so they can be right? What a poor trophy to take to an empty home filled with tattered dreams.

[Mish]

What a waste of a very short life --- to twist, bend, and break the rules and the hearts of others... and for what? Just so they can be right? What a poor trophy to take to an empty home filled with tattered dreams.

For this particular one was so she could be a victim. You see, it was simply nothing to do with her why bad things happen. She was just the innocent crushed by the weight of the world. It made sense that everything bad should be made the fault of others.


Hehe, just remembered her comment on that Erik Bana film "Romulus My Father", the last film we saw together. Her exact words were:

"This film was made by someone who hates women because it depicts a woman cheating without a good motive". That's because women obviously never cheat unless they hold a high moral ground.

[Cbrider]

This reminds me of a time when I spoke to my ex about cheating. Her way of thinking went something like this:

When men cheat, they are the slime and should probably be fed to wild dogs with their genitals cut out

When women cheat, it's most likely because men did not satisfy them and therefore men should do a better job at being in touch with the women's emotional needs.

In both cases the woman is a victim and anyone who says otherwise probably hates women.

She couldn't understand why above is in any way inconsistent, hypocritical or illogical.

Lol, I'm sorry but that is just ****ing funny. Stupidest logic I have ever heard, she's gonna go far.

[Aeradalia]

Lol, I'm sorry but that is just ****ing funny. Stupidest logic I have ever heard, she's gonna go far.

You might laugh... but I find it sad... because I've heard it all before --- long before Mishanya posted something similar.

Nobody ever has the moral high ground for cheating.... because there isn't any moral high ground. Vindictiveness is never morally superior in any case --- it's childish at best and destructive at worst. Placing blame and handing out guilt trips like they were fliers is equally pathetic.

It pisses me off that such women are so common to where there are actually stereotypes derived from these women and placed on women in general. It's sickening to even be grouped with such pathetic examples of 'women'... who devalue 'womanhood.'

[LoveHurts09]

depends on the situation, if everything was normal between u 2 then yes that should be considered as a form of cheating but it really isnt much different from porn, although that depends on the connection with the women.

[Petit Papillon]

My ex was CHEATING on me in the same way. I was as stupid as you and I was keep on coming back to him. Dump this stupid ass. He's a jerk.And I'm angry!

[starbuck]

I know you're asking for male responses, but I'm going to give my two cents anyway.

I would consider it cheating, and it would be grounds for a break-up if my boyfriend did something like that. And I'm also quite fine with my boyfriend looking at porn as long as it is a passive viewing experience, much like a book or a movie and it's not an addiction or anything.

Anything involving real time sexual experiences with people who he can directly contact or can contact him I would consider cheating. Especially if he carried on with them on a regular basis. His ass would be gone.

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable being hurt by this. If it makes you feel uncomfortable and cheated on, trust your gut. Don't second-guess yourself because he's trying to downplay it. I'd think seriously about whether or not you want to be with a guy who hurts you like this.

[inneedofadvice]

Thanks for the mixed advice... Still not sure what I'll be doing but I sugested to him to see it from my point of view and think about if it had been me watching guys live. He started crying and begging me not to. I'm going to show him this thread and see what he says... thanks for all of your input. = ]

[Aeradalia]

At the very least... if he was unsure... he should've talked with you about it.... mentioning that he wants to progress to something a little more involved than just porn --- but he's not wanting to cheat.

Either a compromise could've been reached... or new boundaries would've been established. Gray areas can be dangerous for a relationship... because both of you will disagree. He doesn't think it's cheating and you do --- and neither of you have had a chance to hear any valid reasons to back up your claims.

If you think it's worth it... try to mend your relationship... talk about this and see if a compromise can be made or if you both can agree that a new boundary needs to be put in place so this 'misunderstanding' won't happen again.

Be a pity to throw away a relationship if the guy 'honestly' thought he wasn't cheating...

[inneedofadvice]

Ahh.. for now we've deleted his yahoo iming and aim accounts and I've got all his passwords for his myspace, facebook, and aol e-mail. I'm trying to work on it with him and he's being very responsive to trying to make it up to me. Porn is still okay for the time being but he's only allowed to watch his dvd's. I also have his verizon wireless passwords and im able to access his calling history and texting cuz i accused him of possibly doing something from there too. Otherwise I can't think of anything else. I know I'm acting like a dictator but I really don't care, I don't trust him all that much at the moment due to obvious reasons.

I just wanted to hear some input from mostly unbiased people cuz my family and his are all pitying me and its driving me nuts.