so my gut was right.. how do i handle this?

[DarkHelmet82]

i took out the last part about droppinig off her stuff. I just mentioned that i have it. She responded pretty quickly with "okay thanks." this next week is gonna be hard NOT to contact her...

[Horseyguy]

Mate hang in there. Been a bit distracted as I have my own problems this week but I hope you are ok and I have been checking in here to see how you are holding up. You're doing ok. good on ya

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah i know HG.. i was gonna send you an email, just been in my own rut.. i hope you are doing OK. I dont want to cling to a hope that doesnt exist.. but I feel like I still have a chance if I play it right.

[Horseyguy]

yeah i know HG.. i was gonna send you an email, just been in my own rut.. i hope you are doing OK. I dont want to cling to a hope that doesnt exist.. but I feel like I still have a chance if I play it right.

Nonchalent is your best friends in situations like that mate, just step back and let it take it's course. If she comes back all is good, if she doesn't it was never meant to be. Just be cool she will see that as a sign of strength, the fact you are prepared to give her the space she needs, if she does come back, will be a massive tick in her book.

And on my front. yeah, honestly I'm cool about it. Karen is trying to back peddle and wants us to just keep going but I'm over it to be honest. I gave her a shot and twice now she has said stuff that was really hurtful that she has then retracted. Mate, I don't need it. I can do better than that. Not going to stay with her just because I don't want to be on my own. If I wanted to I could hook up with someone else now, I've had plenty of offers. I just want to be with someone that treats me the way I treat them, simple as that. I gave it 18 months not like I didn;t try, but now it's time to move on and try my luck elsewhere.

[DarkHelmet82]

Nonchalent is your best friends in situations like that mate, just step back and let it take it's course. If she comes back all is good, if she doesn't it was never meant to be. Just be cool she will see that as a sign of strength, the fact you are prepared to give her the space she needs, if she does come back, will be a massive tick in her book.

And on my front. yeah, honestly I'm cool about it. Karen is trying to back peddle and wants us to just keep going but I'm over it to be honest. I gave her a shot and twice now she has said stuff that was really hurtful that she has then retracted. Mate, I don't need it. I can do better than that. Not going to stay with her just because I don't want to be on my own. If I wanted to I could hook up with someone else now, I've had plenty of offers. I just want to be with someone that treats me the way I treat them, simple as that. I gave it 18 months not like I didn;t try, but now it's time to move on and try my luck elsewhere.

yeah ive been trying to play it cool.. its just very hard to not contact her all the time, especially now that the weather is nice you know? I will keep in limited contact, but thats pretty much it. I have a birthday coming up in June so if she contacts me for that I think thats a good sign.

I think everyone wants that, and I had it. The best advice i can give you is that she just wasnt the one for you, and is being selfish. Take some time for yourself. you dont want to jump into another relationship too soon. Thats what this girl did to me, and look where it is currently at.

[Hulibuli]

Oh yeah, I know exactky how hard it is to try to be a good friend when you feel a lot more towards her/him than you get back. Did that 3 years till I managed to get ahold of myself and moved forward (surprise, a month after that I found a new gf), and for now my strategy is to cut all contacts 'till I get over with my feelings. I suggest you make sure you got a good social safetyweb of friends and family, and focus on something else. Hard thing, I know, but try drowning yourself into something you like: sports, videogames, books etc. I know it sounds rough, but I'm pretty sure she isn't thinking you as much as you're thinking her.

Gee, I'm not good at putting my thoughts into paper, and in foreign language it's twice as difficult. o.o

[DarkHelmet82]

you dont think she is thinking about me huh? I guess I will never know, but I think she is, and i truly deep down inside know that everything will work out. I think her feelings for me are the same as mine are for her... but if she cant put all of her love into a relationship then i dont want to be in it. I need her to be 100% and she isnt there yet.

[Hulibuli]

No, I'm thinking she isn't thinking you so much that it would actually affect her day. Of course I can't say that like a truth because I don't know her, but I just have have experience from a similar situation. At least I don't think about my friends all the time, I know they are there and will be for me, even if I don't keep contact on them 24/7 and I know they will come for me if I get into trouble. But when I feel more than friendship towards somebody, I defiently think about her every five minutes. Do the same thing that she's doing, focus on yourself.

[DarkHelmet82]

I just hope im not being led on thats all... shes also bipolar so im sure her emotions are going crazy.

[Cerby]

I remember I went through this situation with my girlfriend a couple of months ago, and I believe you helped out with recommending the book. She was out of her long term relationship for 2 months, we started dating, everything was AWESOME at the beginning, she had left a bunch of stuff at my house, made it clear early on she wanted into the relationship.

just before our 2 month mark, she called me up on night and told me she wanted some time alone for several weeks because she didn't get any "single" time to sort out her feelings. All along my gut instinct told me this was going to happen, and it did. She also has some emotional problems (I suspected bi-polar simply because she goes up and down to extremes, even to this day, although she never came told me anything for sure). So I treated it like a break-up, gave her all her stuff back (I mean ALL of it) and left her alone, no calls, no nothing. Sure enough, 2 weeks later she called me up, we met for coffee, talked things out, and realized that she didn't want a rebound, she wanted a genuine relationship, just a much slower moving one. So we took another week apart, then starting working on things. Its been almost 2 months since then, she hasn't brought ANYTHING back over, we're seeing each other a moderate amount and she seems to be genuinely engaged into things.

So that being my story, I do recommend you just wait her out for a couple of weeks, see what she says, and then move on. I treated mine like a break up, and that worked but also created problems because my friends and family knew, so getting back together soon was akward. It was a tough 2 weeks for me, I really liked her, and I might have just been lucky that she did come back around.

I wrote this because your original post contained so many similarities to what I was told in my situation, and it DID work out, but I made sure to let her contact me.

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah i think i need to reread the book. Should i drop the stuff off at her house? i was gonna contact her congratulating her on her graduation.. but that may be a bad idea too.

[Cerby]

If you're apart don't bother. During our little space my gfs birthday actually passed and I didn't say anything. When we got back on track I then took her out for her birthday, several days later. I'd treat the graduation the same.

Also, I bagged all her stuff and kept it in a closet where I couldn't see it. I didn't give it back until she contacted me and wanted to meet for coffee. It was my insurance for one final conversation, turns out I didn't need it, if I hadn't given it back it would still be at my house, but that was my plan. It allowed me to plan for one final shot if it turns out she didn't contact me.

And just for an update, we're now several months in and she still won't commit to the relationship because she doesn't want to feel the pressure of a full-on relationship. So if your ex does come back, expect that things will be different, slower, and much more methodical.

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah that is something i need to ponder over the weekend.... but I think ultimetly NOT contacting her even if its to say congrats is the right move... They call it NO contact for a reason right? I think the more I want something the more I should resist it.. almost like that Seinfeld episode where George did everything opposite.

another issue is she doesnt have that much stuff at my place.. and im not sure how important it is to her, but i guess it can be her excuse to contact me if she desires.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Start looking for other women. Then it will be easy to not contact her if you have other prospects to chase.