When Did Cheating Become So Acceptable?

[Incognito]

Based on what tho? From a biological sense, its perfectly right and normal.

I think this has more to do with one's moral stance than biological imperative. If we didn't have the ability to reason I'd agree 110%, but we are more than animals living according to instinct. Even in the animal world there are some animals who choose a mate only once and don't even choose another if their mate dies. There are only few, but if you'd like I will find out which animals do this. I don't suppose that it matters too much though, because those few animals are only acting on instinct as well.

[IndiReloaded]

Are you married or ever have been, Incognito? That's not my trump card, its just me speaking from a place of experience. A good marriage is much more like a successful business than you may realize.

I think this has more to do with one's moral stance than biological imperative. If we didn't have the ability to reason I'd agree 110%, but we are more than animals living according to instinct. Even in the animal world there are some animals who choose a mate only once and don't even choose another if their mate dies. There are only few, but if you'd like I will find out which animals do this.

I know the examples. Certain birds and marine mammals. And they have been shown to cheat on their partners. There's an excellent genetics book called The Red Queen, if you want to learn more about this. Its getting a bit old now, but still a fun read.

[Incognito]

Yes I am married. You commented quite a few times in the threads that I posted about my marriage. I'm surprised to see you ask me that.

[IndiReloaded]

Oops, sorry. Must be my alzheimers kicking in... sometimes the avatars look similar and confuse me.

Well, that does put your answers into a different context for me. I'll have to go back and reread what you wrote and think about a bit more.

[Incognito]

It took me a while to find the thread, but here it is.

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-female-forum/39003-my-wife-has-no-sex-drive-what-can-i-do.html[/url]

[IndiReloaded]

Thanks. Well, in my experience that 5 year mark was the end of the 'honeymoon' phase of marriage (we didn't have children until then).

At the end of the day, I'm simply saying that fidelity IS possible but there will be something you need to give up for it. Perhaps sex drive, such as in your wife's case. She probably won't ever cheat on you, but you are having to give up on regular sex to achieve that end. For some, if your spouse is otherwise a good parent/provider/partner, then they are willing to overlook the lack of sex or are okay with going outside the marriage to get it.

Most people, tho, aren't willing to make the compromises that 'till death do us part' actually requires. They think that having sex with only one person for the rest of your life is a normal biological outcome. All I'm saying is its not.

[Incognito]

Most people, tho, aren't willing to make the compromises that 'till death do us part' actually requires. They think that having sex with only one person for the rest of your life is a normal biological outcome. All I'm saying is its not.

There are others posting here in similar relationships, but it does take a certain amount of stubborness and an idea of what loyalty and commitment actually means. You have to be willing to give up something to get something.

I think I sort of get what you are saying. There are some here (onequestion comes to mind) that believe that once you have sex with someone that they are IT, no matter what wrongs they may commit down the road. I don't believe that. I think that if you are married you should only have sex with that person, but if someone cheats that the non offending party has the right to divorce. I do also think that it is natural to desire to have sex with multiple partners, but our ability to reason and honor committments should keep us from doing that.

I also agree with the give to get idea. Either you can have multiple partners and not be married, or you can be married and have one partner. You want fidelity, you have to give it.

[IndiReloaded]

Sure, but who gets married expecting to cheat? What happens is someone's needs don't get met, usually for a long time, and attempts to solve the problem are unsuccessful. People get desperate for 'love', etc. Or, people really do want to split (esp men) but they don't have the courage to leave their spouse. Or they feel commitment to their *family*, but not their wives.

In my case, I would probably forgive my husband an 'in the moment' fling. Once. Especially now we have children in the home. He doesn't know that tho, and I'd never tell him. I'm not sure he would forgive me tho, and that lack of security (knowing he'd forgive me) is probably a good thing.

[Gigabitch]

Do you dissolve an otherwise profitable business b/c of a year in a bad economy?

I would if I found out my business partner was embezzling.

Do you guys think cheating would be more widespread or less if it were more difficult to get divorced?

[IndiReloaded]

I think I would equate repeated cheating/affair with embezzling, in which case I agree with you Giga.

But, it still doesn't change the fact that the mindset that won't cheat probably has other characteristics that could be difficult to live with. Let's take us for example: hard-nosed, difficult to budge from when a stance is taken, sometimes downright GigaBitchy? So, how about guys who are sometimes forgetful, thoughtless or just do downright stupid stuff?

Like you've never ripped CaliBoy a new one. He's cringing from the newspaper sometimes in exchange for your awesomeness, right? Same here.

[Gigabitch]

I think I would equate repeated cheating/affair with embezzling, in which case I agree with you Giga.

But, it still doesn't change the fact that the mindset that won't cheat probably has other characteristics that could be difficult to live with. Let's take us for example: hard-nosed, difficult to budge from when a stance is taken, sometimes downright GigaBitchy? So, how about guys who are sometimes forgetful, thoughtless or just do downright stupid stuff?

Like you've never ripped CaliBoy a new one. He's cringing from the newspaper sometimes in exchange for your awesomeness, right? Same here.

He thinks it's a pretty good deal. I think we actually have a pretty good shot at fidelity. I hope we succeed. I know my ex would never have cheated on me, but towards the end of our relationship, I was wishing he would.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, there you go then. But, no mistake, it IS a deal with compromises from both people. You could have had my husband too, with fidelity in the contract. Would you want it tho? (you don't have to answer this on the forum, LOL).

Just making the kiddies think, is all.

[Incognito]

Sure, but who gets married expecting to cheat? What happens is someone's needs don't get met, usually for a long time, and attempts to solve the problem are unsuccessful. People get desperate for 'love', etc. Or, people really do want to split (esp men) but they don't have the courage to leave their spouse. Or they feel commitment to their *family*, but not their wives.

In my case, I would probably forgive my husband an 'in the moment' fling. Once. Especially now we have children in the home. He doesn't know that tho, and I'd never tell him. I'm not sure he would forgive me tho, and that lack of security (knowing he'd forgive me) is probably a good thing.

Oddly enough some people do get married knowing that they will cheat. Some people are cheating while they are dating, cheating while they are engaged, and continue to cheat after getting married. Some people honestly do love the one who they are with, but will not confine themselves sexually to that one person even after getting married. Perhaps I missed something further back in the thread, but I thought that this was about when cheating became acceptable (as in a point in the stream of time), not when would it be acceptable (as in the circumstances surrounding the cheating).

[Gigabitch]

I don't think cheating is any more or less acceptable than it ever was. Classic literature is full of cheating and so is history.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, I thought we were done that part of the discussion. Sorry. Here's my recap:

Its not acceptable, as in socially moral. Tho its tolerated if its a man and he is perceived socially to be able to 'afford' it. Historically, women who have cheated have always been ostracized. Letter "A" anyone?

But, personally, I think the circumstances discussion is the far more interesting one. Like that poor guy whose wife has told him to 'go find a slut'. Is that cheating anymore at that point? If he has asked for a divorce but she won't grant it except an ugly one that will rip his family apart? I don't think so.