Delicate situation with girlfriend on topic of rape

[searock]

There are differences between the male and female brain, or did you skip that day in anatomy class. But in particular the hormonal systems have some very major differences.

Hormones have nothing to do with this situation. Do you come from the middle ages? I'm a female and I said that it would be absurd for her to tell her boyfriend if she was just embarrassed about a bad decision: is it manly of me to say so? Surely such a rational thought can't come from my womanly hormones, messing up my smaller brain. I can't believe we still have to have discussions on "women are so much different than men, who will ever understand them, crazy irrational beings".

So, her mother, brother, and boyfriend don't give her enough credibility to take this seriously enough to report it to the authorities. But a bunch of strangers on the internet have enough information to convict, sentence, and execute. There's your Ooh Boy!

No we don't have enough information. We certainly don't have enough information to call her a liar. Just because her loved ones aren't taking her seriously doesn't mean that she is lying. Especially after her mother told her "why didn't you just push him off?". Does that sound like something a mother would tell a daughter that has just reported being raped? In the light of that one single question, who sounds more credible between them, the mother or the daughter?

OP is withholding information. How old is she? Has she told her brother? Have they (her and OP) discussed going to the cops? Why isn't OP concerned with the way her family members are ignoring the situation?

[dem862]

Hormones have nothing to do with this situation. Do you come from the middle ages? I'm a female and I said that it would be absurd for her to tell her boyfriend if she was just embarrassed about a bad decision. I can't believe we still have to have discussions on "women are so much different than men, who will ever understand them, crazy irrational beings".



No we don't have enough information. We certainly don't have enough information to call her a liar. Just because her loved ones aren't taking her seriously doesn't mean that she is lying. Especially after her mother told her "why didn't you just push him off?". Does that sound like something a mother would tell a daughter that has just reported being raped? In the light of that one single question, who sounds more credible between them, the mother or the daughter?

Well, the mother quote came from the girl who keeps going back to get raped. It doesn't not sound like something a mother would say. Which is another reason to question the whole story. The daughter would have to be credible to take the mother's quote as valid.

[XyOh]

No, but if a person repeatedly walks through the forest and repeatedly claims to get robbed, what would you think of that?

You're trying to make me judge the victim and the fact of the matter is that I don't have her complete story and I don't have the complete story of the men being accused. Calling the authorities is not an execution, it's a process to uncovering the truth (which is what everyone in this thread really wants).

[dickriculous]

You bring up some interesting aspects, dickriculous, but you should note that your highest percentage came from a demographic pool of 18 people. The higher the demographic the lower the percentage rate becomes in most studies. Some of these studies would be difficult to consider without me reading all of them since they were published more than twenty or thirty years ago. Also, for most of these reports (unless you expect me to read them all) could vary the percentage greatly based off of population density. I chose the UK study because it picks from a moderately large pool in a large population. There are certainly a lot of variables consider, but my position still stands. Thank you however for having a well thought out and well argued opinion on the matter.

I know that the studies I posted are flawed and most likely none of them reflect an accurate portrayal of reality. And I absolutely don't expect you to waste your time researching all of them lol, I'm just trying to make a point here - that the level of variance among studies - most of which are withheld from the public - is MASSIVE. And this isn't even taking into account the number of rape accusations that go uninvestigated, or that couldn't be proven one way or the other, or that the jury/judge may have gotten wrong one way or the other and nobody ever found out about it...all of these things have the potential to turn the numbers inside out and considering all of these things it makes perfect sense that the numbers from study to study are going to be skewed. That's why I don't rely on them to form an opinion on the frequency of false accusations.


Edit: And btw thank you for doing the same, you're a good poster even if I don't entirely agree with you.

[XyOh]

Well, the mother quote came from the girl who keeps going back to get raped. It doesn't not sound like something a mother would say. Which is another reason to question the whole story. The daughter would have to be credible to take the mother's quote as valid.

Technically, we don't even know the details of her going back and getting rape. We know this account only from her boyfriend himself and for all we know, his report in this thread is biased in itself. Overall, he's asking for advice and if you're advice is "ignore it," I think you're wrong. He needs to suggest to his girlfriend that she calls the cops and if she won't, he will. If he feels she's lying, he needs to ask her to come clean or else she could get several men in serious trouble if it turns out she's lying.

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I know that the studies I posted are flawed and most likely none of them reflect an accurate portrayal of reality. And I absolutely don't expect you to waste your time researching all of them lol, I'm just trying to make a point here - that the level of variance among studies - most of which are withheld from the public - is MASSIVE. And this isn't even taking into account the number of rape accusations that go uninvestigated, or that couldn't be proven one way or the other, or that the jury/judge may have gotten wrong one way or the other and nobody ever found out about it...all of these things have the potential to turn the numbers inside out and considering all of these things it makes perfect sense that the numbers from study to study are going to be skewed. That's why I don't rely on them to form an opinion on the frequency of false accusations.

True, you don't have to rely on one study alone, but you can observe from the list of studies that the percentage goes down when a larger demographic pool is selected. That's enough to begin develop a reasonable basis for opinion as to the frequency of false accusations. And thanks for the compliment!

[searock]

I am not arguing that she isn't lying - she may very well be lying. I am arguing that the focus should not be on her. It should be on the alleged rapists and on the family members of the alleged victim, that are doing nothing to investigate the situation.

It would be absurd for her to have told her boyfriend that she was raped if it actually never happened. So unless she is completely irrational (in which case she needs help and it's a different story), what she said is true and should be addressed NOT by blaming her for going back, but by persecuting the rapists.

I find it strange that the boyfriend, instead of being enraged and blood thirsty against the rapists, is actually suspicious of his girlfriend. OP, if you don't trust your girlfriend and think she is lying, why are you even with her? Don't you think you should at least do your best to verify whether what she says is true? If what she says is true, why are you willing to accept that she should simply stop going to those parties, rather than make it so that the rapists can't go to those parties (or any other party for that matter) anymore? Why haven't you talked to her about calling the cops?

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I can't believe some people actually have trouble believing those statistics. Wow. Lack of experience and common sense I guess.

[dickriculous]

True, you don't have to rely on one study alone, but you can observe from the list of studies that the percentage goes down when a larger demographic pool is selected. That's enough to begin develop a reasonable basis for opinion as to the frequency of false accusations. And thanks for the compliment!

Not necessarily...the lowest percentage also has a very small sample size and it was I want to say the second largest sample size that had a rate of close to 20%

[XyOh]

Not necessarily...the lowest percentage also has a very small sample size and it was I want to say the second largest sample size I had a rate of close to 20%

True, but this is where there are additional variables to consider. The largest population pool with the lower percentage is from 2005 whereas the second largest is from 1979. This is where we may see patriarchal bias considering the decade and the societies opinion of the reliability of a woman's testimony. Once again, instable as you are arguing, but it would appear that accuracy can be obtained by studies that are of the largest population pool combined with studies within the past decade if not the past five years.

[dickriculous]

True, but this is where there are additional variables to consider. The largest population pool with the lower percentage is from 2005 whereas the second largest is from 1979. This is where we may see patriarchal bias considering the decade and the societies opinion of the reliability of a woman's testimony. Once again, instable as you are arguing, but it would appear that accuracy can be obtained by studies that are of the largest population pool combined with studies within the past decade if not the past five years.

If the studies from back then are biased what makes you think the ones from now are not? Have you seen commonly quoted government statistics lately? "1 in 3 women will be raped in their lives"...does that not sound biased to you? This statistic has been placed under a microscope btw and many of the alleged victims had even said that the sex act that took place wasn't rape, yet it still got counted in the study and is still commonly quoted as if it's factual. Bias did not end in 1979 my friend.

[MrLoyal]

[sunrisesunset]

Why has this not been reported? Oh dear.

[Wakeup]

She would be hard pressed to have charges laid if she keeps going to the place where she is victimized over and over again. She keeps returning, she is responsible for putting herself in that situation. I have no sympathy for someone that doesn't have enough sense to remove herself from a situation like this. I have to wonder if she is just doing it for the attention.

This is where you are completely wrong in saying that she'd be hard pressed to have charges laid if she keeps going back. Its her home and perhaps she's not going back, but rather the alleged rapist keep coming to where she is since its hers, her brothers and her mothers home that Op says this shit is taking place.

It doesn't matter anyway. If she's retarded or sane and keeps putting herself in the presence of those who have abused her... ITS STILL FKING ABUSE.
Is a battered woman any less battered because she doesn't leave or she keeps going back. Is assault not assault if she stays to take it?

Is Theo Flurry the NHL hockey player not a victim of sexual abuse because he kept going to hockey practice and playing when his coach was his abuser? Jaysus H. Christ.

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I might agree with this if not for the fact that a man who gets accused of rape could very well be ****ed even if it is proven that she is lying. Hell, in some cases his entire family is ****ed even if it's proven that she is lying

... and that is why men should be educated and trained to not take advantage of drunken women who are too out of it to consent or not consent instead of blaming the person who has been being abused.

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Like I said, being a victim myself I would never put myself in that position again....that is why I call BULLSHIT on this. Big fat BULLSHIT.

What you are basically saying here is that it was your fault you got raped because you "put yourself in that position" the first time.

You're perpetuating rape culture even with your own situation. I'm sorry that happened to you and I truly hope you reported the bastard.