just friends.

[Bo]

This would start to annoy me if I was your bf. You're fighting so hard to keep a friendship that has already crossed that friendship line. Once you cross it, you can't just go back. The sexual tension is still there for one of you.

Maybe you should work on fixing your trust issues so that you can make new friends, presumably ones that you haven't had sex with.

yeh, well i'm actually working on it. With the whole trust thing, it seems to be taking quite a long time with no progress. But i'm still trying. More than likely i'm just going to leave the situation where it's at like i said.

[Aeradalia]

Fine.

Let me rephrase.

Guys want to **** the friends they find attractive.

So, if he doesn't want to **** you, then he doesn't find you attractive.

I'm not a guy... but I do find that when I'm single, I am inclined to want to **** friends I do find attractive. This urge is shortly followed by (not preceded mind you) the thought... "oh I shouldn't, they're my friend." It might be wrong, I don't know... but there's just an opportunistic and more primal part of me that is just that way.

Are you sure you're not keeping him around as a PlanB? Sure sounds like to me.

You can have a PlanB and not be fully aware of it. Your mind might be telling you one thing but your heart is planning something else. If the heart and mind were always in agreement there would be no need for the excuse "I did it because I loved them."

BTW... Why keep the friend around if it's obvious that he's causing a lot of stress for your bf? Apparently causing some inner turmoil for you as well. I think this is a potentially volatile situation and you're misreading the subtle clues. It's not wise to keep friends around that you have been intimate with in the past for many very good reasons. I hope you won't have to find out first hand why....

[IndiReloaded]

You can have a PlanB and not be fully aware of it.

Of course. That is why I explicitly mentioned it.

BTW, I don't think there's even necessarily a problem with friends liking each other 'that way'. Its just a question of maturity and being realistic. We'd be dead if we didn't notice friends that we find attractive, but that's as far as it should go.

Bo, I don't think you are being honest about your motives, sorry. And I think you are being unrealistic about wanting to be friends with someone you have a sexual history with and obviously still like very much. As Cain said, your BF will be bothered by this if he isn't already.

Too much potential drama. I'd leave things as they are. Close friends is not going to work for you (either of you, or your partners) in this situation, I predict.

[Bo]

Of course. That is why I explicitly mentioned it.

BTW, I don't think there's even necessarily a problem with friends liking each other 'that way'. Its just a question of maturity and being realistic. We'd be dead if we didn't notice friends that we find attractive, but that's as far as it should go.

Bo, I don't think you are being honest about your motives, sorry. And I think you are being unrealistic about wanting to be friends with someone you have a sexual history with and obviously still like very much. As Cain said, your BF will be bothered by this if he isn't already.

Too much potential drama. I'd leave things as they are. Close friends is not going to work for you (either of you, or your partners) in this situation, I predict.

yeah well i could understand why you all would think there is a plan b even possible but it's not, idk if anyone saw what i wrote earlier but the thing is even if my bf and i weren't together m and i being a "couple" is not even an option, that's the thing

[IndiReloaded]

Okay Bo, I reread your original post.

Actually, it sounds like he took advantage of you during your breakup. Along with his later behaviour, I'm not sure this is such a nice guy. You've got some instincts in this regard, I would listen to them.

Probably best not being his friend in any case.

[Aeradalia]

Old adage... better safe than sorry...

A friend you slept with will always be a perceived threat to your current relationship. Why take the risk?

[Bo]

Okay Bo, I reread your original post.

Actually, it sounds like he took advantage of you during your breakup. Along with his later behaviour, I'm not sure this is such a nice guy. You've got some instincts in this regard, I would listen to them.

Probably best not being his friend in any case.

Indi, yeah, i don't know that has actually crossed my mind but i tend to be a lot more dismissive of ppl's behavior when i care about them, it's bad i know. i mean, i think in a way it might have gone both ways in this case, because at the time he had actually just gotten out of a relationship himself (it happened about a month after him and his ex gf broke up). There's a lot of details that are really important but it would just be way too much to actually type it all down.

Aera, i get what you're saying and i completely understand why it could possibly threaten my own relationship but i would stop it if it ever got to that point. Cain mentioned that my bf might not say that it bothers him because he doesn't want to seem like the jealous type. i know my bf really well though and i can tell the minute something bothers him. I wouldn't hurt us and if there ever came a day when m became a problem, i would drop him in a second, no questions asked. But he hasn't and my bf hasn't been bothered by us either. Now if we became much better friends than it might bother him, in that case i should just let it go.

[misombra]

just leave him alone. after a while you won't even think about him.

[Cain]

I just don't understand why you're so hellbent on remaining friends with him. Why even get it to the point of having it bother your bf?

[Bo]

I just don't understand why you're so hellbent on remaining friends with him. Why even get it to the point of having it bother your bf?

well i wouldn't say i'm hellbent on remaining friends with him, it's more than likely that i'll leave the situation alone and just talk to him whenever it comes up if it does. But i probably won't bother anymore, being friends with him is probably more effort than i'm willing to give.