When Did Cheating Become So Acceptable?

[Incognito]

I think that was the original debate. Today with modern ways to reach people and disperse ideas many things have become more common and accepted simply because they are seen more. I commented on this on page 3, I believe. See my illustration regarding entertainment vs acceptable social issues. I don't want to quote myself, as it would be overly self serving.

[Incognito]

Well, I thought we were done that part of the discussion. Sorry. Here's my recap:

Its not acceptable, as in socially moral. Tho its tolerated if its a man and he is perceived socially to be able to 'afford' it. Historically, women who have cheated have always been ostracized. Letter "A" anyone?

But, personally, I think the circumstances discussion is the far more interesting one. Like that poor guy whose wife has told him to 'go find a slut'. Is that cheating anymore at that point? If he has asked for a divorce but she won't grant it except an ugly one that will rip his family apart? I don't think so.

Ha. Yes that is a much more interesting branch of the topic, but I wasn't sure if it would be ok to switch to that in this thread (I try not to hijack threads).

[doppelgaenger]

LOL, I'm not posting based on experience. I've been married for longer than most of you have been sentient and both faithful (far as I know). Tho this depends on your definition, I suppose.

Oh, hahahaha, you've been married for longer than most of us, have you? Tell me, do you want a cookie? A prize?
I'll tell you... nobody cares. And why should we? You're rather anonymous.

As for Incognito, I'm not taking offense and I'm not being sarcastic. But you are right that it is relatively easy to find data that will support one's position on the internet. I also think you are ignoring the very real data that is out there on fidelity in humans and other animals. Monogamy is NOT the standard, even in species that supposedly are.

Ohohoho! Very real data! We're not discussing the sexuality of other animals here, so that is not relevant. Monogamy and polygamy are social ideas, not dictations of nature. That's why we can choose to be monogamous or polygamous. Frankly, monogamy is pretty standard, otherwise Tiger Woods wouldn't have gotten flamed so bad

So again, I ask you: how many of you know couples who have been together for more than 'a few years' that have managed to achieve the Gold Standard? I think we are talking about fidelity on at least the order of a decade or more, aren't we? If we are discussing marriage, that is.

Oh shut the hell up, I answered your question, you need to clean your glasses or something, old, cynical lady. My girlfriend's parents have been married since before you even knew your husband. Same as my aunts and uncles and various other relatives. Grandparents specifically. A few of my siblings are married. They've all been married for longer than a decade. I know a bunch of people who were recently married and who are getting married soon, and they're all very faithful. All of them are faithful, honest people. It's not a gold standard and it's not difficult. In fact, I'll get personal; I think you're just bitter because you've been having issues in your own marriage. Or, at least you were. I recall a thread about a year ago, actually.

But, again, why is it such a big deal to all of you? In the case of a decades long marriage with children, do you really think that a single act of weakness is worth trashing an entire marriage for? Do you dissolve an otherwise profitable business b/c of a year in a bad economy

Ha, hahahaha. Cheating should *never* happen, PARTICULARLY in the marriages which have been going long and strong. Why? Because when you have children, and after all the work you've done and all the time and efforts invested in all that would merit to nothing. If someone cheats after all that, clearly there is a very serious issue in the relationship; a clear lack of communication and a very severe form of misunderstanding. Cheating is childish and selfish. It's the kind of thing you'd expect to hear about a young couple which hasn't been together long enough to develop that awesome bond or high level of communication and understanding. So why divorce and throw it all away? Because when someone cheats, they are saying that it doesn't matter anymore.

[IndiReloaded]

I will thank you not to insult my very decent marriage and values since it is clearly something you have yet to experience. I hope that you will, someday, but its a while away yet with your juvenile attitude.

[Sonrisa]

I think all people that have had a long marriage deserve a cookie

[VincenzoG91]

Cheating is wrong, and it shouldn't happen. One clue: the negative connotation of the word "cheating" itself.

Yes, some people cheat. That's a fact. How many? You and I will never know, because it's generally considered a shameful act, so people are reluctant to admit it.

Also, some people lie, steal, murder, rape, and all kinds of other bad things. Those actions are also wrong, and shouldn't happen. They do happen, but that doesn't make them good or acceptable.

Saying that bad things are perfectly natural is one thing. Saying that they are acceptable is wrong.

[doppelgaenger]

Hey I already know nobody gives a **** about me. i might as well jsut kill my sefl

[IndiReloaded]

Hey I already know nobody gives a **** about me. i might as well jsut kill my sefl

Who said this? Not me, N. If I didn't care, I wouldn't bother posting at all. I think you're a bloody miracle, considering. Just don't make things harder for yourself than necessary. Reasonable expectations about other ppl is a good place to start.

Did you forget your birthday thread already?? People do care, so quit with the BooHoo pills already.

I edited my post b/c I think I've made the point. Hope that helps.

[IndiReloaded]

Cheating is wrong, and it shouldn't happen. One clue: the negative connotation of the word "cheating" itself.

Yes, some people cheat. That's a fact. How many? You and I will never know, because it's generally considered a shameful act, so people are reluctant to admit it.

Also, some people lie, steal, murder, rape, and all kinds of other bad things. Those actions are also wrong, and shouldn't happen. They do happen, but that doesn't make them good or acceptable.

Saying that bad things are perfectly natural is one thing. Saying that they are acceptable is wrong.

LOL. Says who tho? Do you know why cheating is considered wrong? Or are you simply regurgitating what you've been mindlessly taught?

Here is an interesting wiki article. For the lazy, it basically said that unpartnered females will deliberately try to get with married men b/c the perks that are involved with seeing a married man are often better than what they could get on their own with a single guy. Even if they have to share resources with the wife and resent her status:

[url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygyny_threshold_model]Polygyny threshold model - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/url]

BTW, the stats say that 10-15% of females and 20-25% of men cheat in their marriage. US stats from 3 recent studies. What does it mean? To me, it means that at least *some* of you live (or will live) in glass houses....

[vashti]

That was very generous of you to edit out your much-deserved response to dopple, indi.

[VincenzoG91]

LOL. Says who tho? Do you know why cheating is considered wrong?

Cheating is wrong, because it's dishonest. A relationship without honesty is a bad relationship.

It's possible that a couple can have an open relationship, where they are okay with sleeping around. I couldn't do it, but I acknowledge that wouldn't be cheating. No, cheating is about sneaking around and lying to somebody that you supposedly care about, and that isn't right.

[IndiReloaded]

Meh. Lots of things are dishonest. Telling your husband he looks hot when he's getting a beer belly and balding is dishonest. Same thing for your wife when she's getting a bit thick in the ass from 3 kids and a job and not enough exercise. Do good spouses do this^? ALL the time.

I think your issue is really about motives. So is mine.

So, again, what about the wife who told her husband to 'get a slut'. Is that cheating? Or how about a 'faithful' spouse who never has sex with you b/c s/he thinks its wrong except for purposes of procreation? Is that what it means to be faithful?

I agree about honesty in a relationship, and betrayal of any kind is terrible. I just think some of you are a bit too vanilla about the subject. Plus, there are different types of betrayal. Would you be more or less upset about a sexually faithful spouse who blew your retirement investments/kids college fund away on some lark?

[vashti]

Would you be more or less upset about a sexually faithful spouse who blew your retirement investments/kids college fund away on some lark?

Definitely more. That would cause me to file for divorce in an instant. Him cheating? Not as long as he was discreet. I have my kid's well-being to think of.

[VincenzoG91]

Someone should take a poll.

Who wants a cheater? Anyone? How about a liar?

Oh, Oh, me! I want a liar and a cheater!

[vashti]

Someone should take a poll.

Who wants a cheater? Anyone? How about a liar?

Oh, Oh, me! I want a liar and a cheater!

If you are so worried about being cheated on, I suggest you make a good salary so your partner can stay home. I was hardly ever hit on when I was staying home raising my babies, but now that I am working again, I am shocked (and I'll admit - also a little flattered) by how often it happens. Of course, I believe it is at least partially due to what I do for a living. Anyway, increased exposure = increased opportunity.

And I suppose if she's a working girl, then you had just better be sure she's REALLY happy with you.