Requiring advice on email exchange I found

[KoalaK]

Hi everyone. This is my first post and I guess there's no beating around the bush.

Almost 2 years ago, I found an email that was open on my boyfriend's computer. In it, I saw that he and someone he worked with were calling each other 'sexy' and mentioned 'we should meet up for a couple hours'. He signed the email with kisses.

I confronted him about it. At first he said that he found it 'exciting' because someone was interested in him. Then he later said that it all was just him joking around with the lady (whom was married at the time).

He went to his computer and selected all of their email exchanges and immediately deleted them because he 'was embarrassed'.

Over time, I've tried to accept all of this. I want to believe that he wouldn't hurt me. But..I find it so difficult. I've been hurt by men before and my boyfriend knew this about me. We were together for 1.5 years before this incident happened.

This keeps coming back to me and making me feel awful. I can't reconcile in my head that it was all harmless and just a joke. I've told him this. I love him. I don't want to leave him over this. Not sure what to do to move foward.

[Lipp]

2 years later? Geez.

Have you found out what the underlying factor would be for your anxiety?

E.g. - That he's cheating on you? That he doesn't think you're good enough? That it would prove him to be a bad person? That the woman might still be around?

Also, have you fully realized in a rational manner that it was just a joke, and that the problem is irrational and involuntary? Or is there still a degree of rationality to the whole "What if..." that still remains (examples above)?

[MavViper]

I agree with Lipp, there has to be some underlying factor causing all of this anxiety otherwise you wouldn't have had this feeling for the past 2 years.