Im the jealous gf and i found something questionable... ADVICE NEEDED!!!

[hungryhippo15]

Hey,

My name is chelsea. I'm in a relationship of 9 months with a guy who i love with ALL of my heart. I love him so much that i am jealous of all the girls he talks to. Yet, i have a hard time trusting him. He kissed my arch enemy while he and I were "on a break" and i forgave him but since then i have underlying trust issues.
Anyways, i spied on his myspace account. It's like this forum where you can meet other people with similar intrests and even like a dating site. Anyways, i spied on it, saw something that bothered me, confronted him, lied to him about how i knew... and then we got into a huge fight because he told me that he knew i was spying. He forgave me as long as i promised never to log into the site again. AND I HAVENT. Recently our relationship has been great. we're madly in love and we do fun romantic things for eachother and we fight everyone and anyone who tries to keep us from being together. But recently i visited the site and i saw that he had set his relationship status to "single" instead of what is was earlier which is "in a relationship". What should i do? is he searching the market for a new girl? is he doing it just to try to catch me spying again? Should i bring it up and risk losing him forever? what should i do? im so madly in love with him that i'm afraid to confront him about it but im also afraid that he may be searching for someone new. Any and all advice would be helpful. I need help very much. Critisism welcome but not prefered :-p.

thanks alot,
Newbie Chelz

[C1d6OC]

you've already confronted him about it. You broke a trust by spying on his account. First thing I think you need to do is work on your jealousy issue. It will make you do things that normally you wouldn't do.

When you were on a "break" did you guys figure out what the limits were? If not, then kissing someone wasn't necessarily wrong. Having a break means giving each other space to be free for a bit. So I don't think he did anything wrong.

With regard to his site, him putting "single" as a status. Did you think that perhaps he hasn't been on this site since you last spoke and therefore, hasn't changed it? I don't know. Just a thought. Anyway don't worry too much about it until you start to notice that is becoming an issue. But definitely work on your Jealousy first.

And by the way...Welcome to the forum!

Cdoc

[misombra]

where's cybog. come in cybog...

[hungryhippo15]

thanks so much. I've talked to my shrink about my jealousy issues. And i agree its definatly something i need to work on. If anyone knows anything i can do to help with my jealousy it would be greatly appreciated... such as like books or sites or anything. I checked the last log in date... he changed it to "single" today on march 8th... so i know it was recent. It makes me really really nervous and now i feel like i have a REASON to not trust him. I feel like... since he thinks im not looking at the site... he has this new rein to live an entirely different lifestyle aside from me... We live 1.5 hours away from each other... and i have no idea what kind of life he lives when im not there because i only see him during the weekends. One of the gurls on this site lives in New Jersey. She has on her page something about my guy being from ohio... and how that hawthorne heights song "ohio is for lovers" is ironic... and he's going to the bamboozle fest which is also in New Jersey. I guess im afraid that they'll hook up and she'll steal my man... i just dont want to lose him . Any further advice would be great...

[KirstyM]

Quit spying on him otherwise the choice will be taken away from you and he will leave you. Relax and work on your own personal issues.

[hungryhippo15]

i guess i can try. DO u think it's possible to love someone if you don't trust them?

[KirstyM]

It is possible to love someone you do not trust, yes, but without trust, you are unable to have a healthy relationship with anyone

[hungryhippo15]

Any suggestions on stuff i can do to be less jealous? is there maybe a book i can buy or some kind of exercise? or is it just a mind over matter kind of thing....

[KirstyM]

Talk about it with your shrink, he knows you better than any of us, and should be able to give you some advice or ideas. You just have to try and relax in relationships. If youre wondering what he is doing right now, force yourself to stop, go and do something else to take your mind off things. Focus on the time you spend together and enjoy that, so when you are apart you can remember those times rather than constantly wondering about his fidelity. If you find yourself tempted to look him up online or similar, just tell yourself 'No, you dont want to do this, he's not doing anything he shouldnt be' and back away and do something to distract yourself. I used to get extremely jealous, it's not as difficult as it appears to handle it.

[hungryhippo15]

Thanks so much, you've been a huge help.

[KirstyM]

youre welcome. Good luck.

[Cybog]

where's cybog. come in cybog...

Sorry, was in class for the past 10 hours or so

[hungryhippo15]

well do you have any advice?

[Junket]

Heh, you sure you want his advice?

[hungryhippo15]

lol any advice would be nice :-p