Girlfriend always thinks that she's right and I'm having a hard time talking to her

[anonymouse1234]

Hi guys,

I argued with my girlfriend couple of days ago and the story I'm about to post here is somewhat long but I hope you guys will be patient enough to read through and understand how I feel.

The story began with me and my girlfriend were chatting online and we were talking about food. I told her about my food preference, something which she knew all along and she told me that Jess (not her real name; one of her ex-colleague whom I met once) likes that too followed an expression of disgust and she says I should consider dating her. Now lets pause here and talk about and talk about Jess.

Jess is my girlfriend's ex-colleague. They used to work in the same company but from what my girlfriend tells me she was constantly 'harassed' and 'bullied' by her. There was one bully incident where Jess was reluctant to tell my girlfriend the direction to this small dinner event hosted by a financial services company that deals with the company she works at. She told me about it but we ended up arguing about it just because I was being nice. I told her that it was over and I think she should just let it slip. Plus its just a small issue from what I see. But instead we argued because she say I don't understand the magnitude of the situation and I shouldn't tell her to just let it go because I don't know the whole story. However, I just think that she was being a little too sensitive about the whole thing. Of course I don't understand the whole situation because I wasn't there to see it myself and I'm just giving her the best advice from my point of view; from what I read and understand.

We got back soon after that and we promised one another we wouldn't talk about her ex-colleague ever again. Shortly after that, she told me her intentions of resigning from that company. I can feel that the reason was because of all those bullying incidents but she denies it. She cited some other reasons for quitting but I just know she's lying and I did not approach her about it. But nonetheless I see it as something good and would probably do good for her too. From then on, she regularly brings Jess up to the topic that we talk about; a little gossip here and there. But being the person I am, I dislike gossip but I somewhat put up with her because girls will be girls at times and they do gossip once a while. But I would just stay between the fence because I don't want to get involved in their problems or make myself think negatively about Jess when I've only met her once.

So back to the story. I got somewhat fed up about her talking that way and I asked her why she always have to bring Jess up to the topic. She makes it sounds as though the my food preference is somewhat disgusting and I should go out dating Jess just because she likes that too. The problem here is bringing Jess up to the topic and secondly asking me to go date someone else. The latter one; I've always reminded her not to say things like that, be it for a joke or for serious because we're in a serious relationship and its just wrong to encourage your partner to consider going for someone else. We've argued about this before and I've told her straight up that I don't like her to say such things and it just leaves me nothing to say. If I say jokingly say "yeah I should" she would get offended. If I say no she would keep bugging me until we change topic or something.

And what I don't really understand is why she just can't get over it the whole issue between her and her ex-colleague. She doesn't work there anymore and she's old enough to know what should and should not be said, especially talking behind someone's back. When I approached her with these questions she just evade them and dish up the usual "none of your business", "what do you think?" and "you just don't understand". She just doesn't see anything wrong in what she said earlier on. I hate to think of this but I just feel like she's living in her own world and denying everything; constantly thinking that she's right. She always tells me that she doesn't care about her ex-colleague but she still brings her up. I understand that people say that at times to make themselves feel better. But as human I think we have a choice, we can either forget it or ruin your life and other people's life by constantly keeping that grudge.

She has taught about patience. I've always respected her and constantly humbled myself by trying to understand what she thinks and offer her the best advice from my point of view and just talk to her without lighting off. But she would just brush me off, thinking that I'm the one who doesn't understand how the real world works and just wouldn't listen to what I have to say. I still love her very much, she's a good companion and cracks me up whenever I'm down. But its just that I can't make her see the point that I'm trying say. I'm begin to wonder if I should soldier on in this relationship.

[therealjag]

to be honest mate she just sounds a bit immature. she should either grow up and just deal with life and or she'll just remain wrapped up in her own world and unable to sort things out and deal with situations like an adult.

I guess the reason she is so good at cheering you up when you' re down is probably just due to the fact that she is immature and this side of her can hel you lift your spirits.

I'm in quite a similiar situation in terms of having an immature partner and she always thinks shes right too. She even called me immature which just takes the biscuit!

Looking at your situation makes me think i should just end it with her but cos the good times are so good i'd rather just try and sort things out with her!

Jag

[Gigabitch]

Maybe SHE should go date Jess, since she finds her so compelling. Maybe you should suggest it.