Any advice over this recent breakup?

[Erock]

My girlfriend and I have been exclusively dating for 8 months. I have known her for almost 3 years. we have been off and on casually going on dates before we were exclusive. During our relationship, things were great, very loving and intimate. However she enjoyed going out to bars and what not much more than me, and she had her own group of friends, she would go out with.

I understand I was selfish throughout our relationship and didnt make enough of an effort to go out with her and her friends, and it would upset her, but besides that, everything else was great. About a month ago she said she needed a break, she didnt know if she was ready in this point in time in her life for such a serious relationship. I am 25 and she is 26. This upset me greatly and I guess I was pressuring her a lot, and told her I couldnt deal with the whole up in the air thing, So we decided recently to break up while she "finds herself again"

She told me she is not out there looking for anyone else right now, she just needs time for herself. We were practically living together before that. It was almost like a complete 180 over night. We still talk, she called me the other night to tell me she ordered my xmas gift, but was busy with work and stuff and prob wouldnt be able to exchange gifts with me till after she came back from her trip home after xmas.

I have since backed off and I'm trying to play it cool. I've been making much more of an effort to get out of the house and do things which I know was one of the things that bothered her. (but also for me) I have stopped sending her cute texts and what not, and have not talked to her in a couple of days.

I know she has commitment issues, because she has told me, and she comes from a very broken family. She told me things got real serious real quick between us (8 months) and she needed to step back and take time for her self.

Here is my dilemma, I want nothing more in the entire world than to have her back with me. Our relationship did not end badly, she says she still cares a lot about me, and she still wants to be friends. When we talk on the phone its almost like nothing happened, minus the boyfriend girlfriend talk and the I love you's.

So I ask all of you now, do you think there is a chance of us getting back together, and if so, what are my best approaches? If not, should I just try my hardest to get over her? Its been very very hard as I am very much in love with her.

Please help..

[ammi00]

From my point of view only, I don't think you two can get back together. She didn't say "I need a break and then I'll come back to you"; she said she wants you to be friends - and this is what I see as problematic. Maybe she didn't want to feel guilty, so she played the "let's be friends" card - I also think that even that break she was supposed to take, would have been a break-up-transition-time, between being together and separated, while also avoiding to talk about any break-up.
I applaud you for giving her space and trying to act cool. In similar situations, people tend to become much too clingy/ desperate/ paranoid and show it to their partners, which only pushes them further away. I think you should continue acting this way and let things flow naturally. If she'll want to come back, she will; and if not, acting like you do now will help you get over her. Oh, and just a tiny advice - if she's going to try being manipulative, don't respond to that.

[hope555]

Hey,
I went through a very similar situation about 4 months ago. Everything was going great, but then my ex-bf started to pull away physically and emotionally from me after 8 months. In our case, it was me that wanted to be social with my friends and his friends, but he never wanted to be a part of that. Anyway, then he felt really bad, and broke up with me saying that if he kept treating me this way, I'll end up hating him and then we'll never have a chance of maintaining any sort of relationship ever again in the future. Being a girl who can't hide ANY of her emotions (AND he was my first love, first bf and first breakup), I had a VERY hard time playing cool...but I don't regret it, because if he can't handle my honest emotions, he's not right for me anyway. At first when we broke up, we talked just as much as when we were together. Then I started to give him more space, but once every week or two we would catch up over text. He used to be very interested in my post-break up life. Now, he's even taking my friendship for granted...and not so interested in my life.

Anyway, to get to your story. when someone cares for your and still breaks up with you, its a sign. A sign that there's something they need to internally realize about themselves. I know in our relationship it wasn't me...there was nothing he complained about, yet freaked out and left. I feel like this sort of realization that these people neeed to come across doesn't take weeks or even months, but years. Sometimes its just about timing, and unfortunately you weren't there at the right time in her life. But there will be a girl that you will meet when you're both at the right time in your lives. Its just the way love works. Its the most painful thing to hold on to your ex, because it'll always remind you of what you had. Trust me, when my ex and I hangout....it tears my heart up because its SOOO different (he's such a cocky, selfish, uninterested jerk now!). So I say, why bother...cut off contact and start new! If this is meant to work out, the world is so well connected nowdays, you guys will find each other somehow and get back together as a stronger couple (if she's grown up a little by then). But the bottom line is, don't hold on to the hope of her coming back....because that road always leads to disappointment and sadness. Let it go, and you will feel a lot better