recent split need advice on how to approach her

[brknhearted guy]

I am new here so Hi everybody.
I have just split with my g/f of just over 2 years a couple of days ago we are both 40 and live in our own houses.
I will try to be brief , I was single for a few years before getting with her (after I had a bad split in the past) subsequently I had got used to not having a sex life so to speak and I guess that showed in the relationship to the point where when questioned I said I felt like she was pestering me .
She is not a cuddly touchy feely type girl partly I think because her mother wasnt the best of mothers and they still dont talk and this made her toughen up where as I wear my heart on my sleave. Anyway we split a couple of months ago for about a month her idea not mine saying she couldnt see things going anywhere partly me lacking sex drive and being an ebayer after job loss so not being in the most stable financial place, plus her ex before me was a lier who has made her a bit weary I think.
When we split I took it hard and realised what I had lost and by the morning regained my sex drive (I think it may have been stress etc clouding my feelings) I told her how I felt and that I agreed I should have got a job when my other finished insted of falling back on ebay , obviously the overnight revelation was I bit hard to beleive but I kept telling her how I felt and in the end we got back together (I think I pushed a bit hard maybe) but 2 days ago after a month she said she wanted to split again saying it didnt feel right , I still dont think she beleives that I do find her attractive although she must know I love her to bits I, this time I have said I want to stay friends especially as she is going through a stressfull house move , I am still looking for a job and I dont think she beleived I was looking but it isnt the best time for hunting at the moment, We still text facebook talk but ,any ideas how to play this? I feel I may need to win her confidence in me especially after her last relationship. I find it hard not to spill my guts to her again.

[jonahj]

Sound like a lot of stress and unanswered questions. My advice is usually similar in these types of situations--You gotta take a step back and see what you've done in the past and how that worked out. What have you done that pushed her away? What have you done that pulled her back? Did it really work?

The way women work is completely different than you'd ever expect (everyone says you can never figure out women). We can't ever figure them out? Well, not exactly true. Truth is there is a lot of research, field reports, community around this and you CAN learn to figure out women. You just have to see how that applies to your situation. If this is something you really care about, take a hard look at what it's going to take to get her back. Stop whatever it is that you're doing, and try to figure it out. Sometimes it takes a step backward to take two steps forward.

Good luck

[brknhearted guy]

I went round today to collect some of my bits and we were talking ok , I made sure to just stay friendly and not pushy , as we were talking she somehow brought up that she might just have casual sex rather than get into another relationship (that is not like her and against her beleifs) so I questioned it as I thought it a bit insensitive , and went to the car to put more stuff in , when I got back she asked if I wanted a cup of tea so I said I didnt know if I should have one with her after what she said .When I explained how I felt about it she said she was only joking , I said it wasnt funny and questioned if it was to get a reaction from me to which she kept saying it was a joke or she didnt think I would react to it.It seems as if she is testing out how I feel as later she said she still didnt beleive I fancied her or had her "on a pedestal" It dosent seem to matter what I say she dosent seem to beleive me , bringing up the past. I want to concentrate on sorting myself out and stay fiends and told her that.I think when we got back together a month ago was doomed to fail as she still didnt really beleive me. I can only see time making her beleive as it dosnt matter what I say

[Gigabitch]

You're right- it doesn't matter what you say. She wants something you're not providing her with, and therefore your relationship is doomed.

Look, I'm sure you're a lovely man, but if you were holding out the wiener on me, I'd dump you too.