Lost the love of my life due to issues caused by my low Testosterone levels!!! Help!

[MCguy]

I just got out of a 3 year relationship. I posted on here a two part thread that was titled "when change must happen". I was blaming myself for so many things I've done to my gf over the past 1.5 years. Now that I realize it, I feel awful and blame myself for everything. Well after doing some research I started looking up and searching for answers on how I was so blind of what I was doing. I finally got thinking, about a year ago I started going to a clinic trying to figure out why I had certain stomach issues. After running a lot of test I ended up being allergic to Gluten. After excluding gluten I started to feel better and my stomach issues almost vanished. While they ran all those test they also ran my testosterone levels along with estrogen. My testosterone levels came back at a 35 on their scale which went up to 110. They want the average male to be between 80-110. So I was terribly low on testosterone. Now that I've done research and looked more into it I ran across a link about IMS. you can look it up by searching for IMS low testosterone.

If you open it you'll notice a list of things on how a person can react when they have low T. I was almost able to see that each and every single one on the list applied to myself. I can reflect back to our relationship earlier on and I didn't react to her like I did in the past year and half. I was quick to doubt her, or when doing things I'd make her feel like she was worthless. I didn't know I was doing it. I wasn't direct in saying anything to her hurtful. Lets say if we were doing a task, and she didn't grasp the idea, I would just step in and do it myself instead of being patient and working with her. Every time I would do that I was in essence telling her non verbally that she wasn't important. I can now see where I did this so many times in the past. Over time I became more impatient, more anxious, shorter temper, list goes on. I can see why she left me now that I understand.

My problem is now that I see its medically wrong I see its fixable. I might have had a few flaws as any person has, but they were multiplied many many times due to my chemical imbalance going on inside my body. I'm currently going back to my doctor to see what my current levels are, and reasons why. I might have to be on injections for the rest of my life. What's sad is that I've lost the love of my life over something medically wrong. She's asked me to not contact her, and with my current state its harder than ever to cope with my lost. I'm afraid she'll never understand that the whole time I was negative with her was due to Testosterone. Plus if she does ever learn that was wrong with me, will she even still contact me. Will she be afraid and ashamed at herself for leaving me over something I couldn't notice? I want to think that I'll never hold anything against her for leaving me in such a state, but afraid I might accidently show her I'm a little upset if we do ever talk.

She was able to give me her all in the past, I wanted to give her my all. I had full love for her, but was never able to open up and talk about issues as they came along. I've always been bad at doing so, but worst than ever recently. She wanted to talk to me about our issues while I was stressed switching jobs and I pushed her away by saying bad things. I went back to those text and didn't even remember sending them. I wasn't able to focus on her for that moment, and by her trying to communicate aggravated me I guess. This has been a growing issue of my own. It wasn't anything she was doing to cause me to be that way. It wasn't anything I was purposely doing. I'm now finding out that it was and still is my current Low T.

Questions I wonder is, will she ever be able to understand. Will she be able to ever forgive me. Is there a possible good out come for the two of us in the future. I know only time can tell, but I'm curious if anybody else ever went through this before or something similar. Also looking for other people's input on my situation. Another thing too is maybe someone else will see this and notice something similar going on in their life. I can give feed back too on future outcome and also test results to confirm the severity of my situation. I'll be looking forward to any questions or interest on this. Thanks.

[TablesandChairs]

My advice is to write her an email (or whatever) detailing what you have found out, apologising for how you treated her. There's a chance she might feel that you're just making excuses and that there's too much bad blood on her end regardless - but there's also a chance she'll be open to the idea of giving things another chance. All you can do is try.

I will say that women commonly suffer from hormonal issues that make them hell to be around (PMS, for example) and I've had a couple of friends who have been dumped as a result - sometimes knowing why something is happening doesn't make it any less unbearable.

In the meantime, ensure you get your health back on track - there are a variety of treatment modalities, from an injection once every 3 months to daily patches and so forth.

[MCguy]

Thanks for the reply.

Prior to realizing it was my testosterone levels, I did send her an email. It was intended to apologize for the way I've been to her. Saying that I was ignorant of my actions and can know the reasons why. I didn't tell her why due to her just thinking that they might be excuses. I even said that's why I didn't want to explain in detail. I wanted to focus more on her, saying that she wasn't worthless, not stupid, she is smart, she does have so many good things about her, and on. I was trying to take back some things that I now see that I was doing. I told her I wouldn't reach out to her anymore and respect her wishes. Through our friends, I am being told that she is finding herself right now. She's been busy with school in the mean time and work. I've went to the Dr. to get my blood drawn, but that's about it in the past 2.5 weeks. I was in the middle of switching jobs when she left me, and when she did leave I completely lost interest in what I was doing. I had my own hauling company, but sold off my stuff and going back to a local job I had years ago. Less pay, but back on a set schedule. I've been considering it for awhile. As long as I can progress there to a decent wage I'll be happy. They have been offering the job to me for 3 years, and finally I come to them and it's taking 3 weeks to hire me on. So lets just say on top of my Low T, I've had tons of time to think about this and beat myself up on the inside. She knew I had low T for awhile too. I knew it in the past, but didn't realize how much it was effecting me. I thought I just was lazy and had no sex drive. Turns out it caused me to be much much worst and didn't even know it. I blame myself for 80% of the break up, and 20% her. 20% her for never saying anything to me at all. I guess we both had a faults, but I was the biggest. I'm not sure if she's read that email at all, or ever will hear me out. I am working on getting my levels to that of a healthy person. It'll at least help me cope with all this and of which I react to other people. Its up to her to eventually hear the real causes and maybe contact me. Until then I must keep distance or I'll become that creep that keeps pushing her away. Sucks that two compatible people were brought apart by ones health that they were both ignorant of and was fixable a long time ago.

[MCguy]

Things are moving on well, and I'm starting testosterone replacement therapy soon.

[woody]

Have you actually told her about the low T? feel for your situation man. Sounds like you really love her and need to find a way to explain why things were the way they were.
Perhaps, by taking action to balance the hormones and with some time, she'll understand more and maybe give you another chance.

It is tough getting over hurtful things said. Sure, your levels were off kilter; (btw, women endure this all the time) and we find ways to temper it down, not always, but we try. Sounds like your doing the same. Self reflection is a good thing.

Take care of getting yourself back first; then, woo her again. Learn from past mistakes, make the adjustments needed, offer her love and compassion. Explain past hurts and offer her reasons why. Don't blame the low T for everything or it may come off as a cop out. You know full well that although the levels being off balanced surely didn't help, it wasn't the whole reason why you said things you said. Your rational was affected but we must take time to think before possibly misbehaving.

Did you two break it off some time ago or is this fresh?
You miss her. Tell her. Put it all out there for both of you to see, to feel.
When the love is strong, people find their way back.

good luck

[MCguy]

Hey Woody,

I did tell her about it recently after I got some test results in to confirm what I had noticed. We broke up a little over 3 weeks ago. As much as I might love her and how I wish one day I'd get that second chance, I only see that ever happening to be a 5% chance. She's showed a complete new side of just locking up, not talking about it, and moving on. I saw the love she offered, and it was real. I'm just confused on how a person goes from 100% to nothing. If it were me in here shoes as I've tried to imagine, I would be having a lot harder time to not contact and see what's going on.

The biggest hinder we have from expressing our true feelings is her Aunt. She has an Aunt that just graduated not too long ago to become a therapist. She deals with men on a daily bases. Men that might have true issues in their head, but nothing really hormonal out of balance with them. I do agree though with you that I can't blame 100% of it on low T, but I can give it a strong 75%. I appreciate you not being a pessimist about this situation too, and actually hearing me out.

At this point all I can do is fix my levels and learn to love myself as I've never truly been able to do. My whole life I've had issues focusing on things, and starting to notice my testosterone was never that of normal levels. So much makes sense now, just too bad I didn't notice sooner.

People keep telling me that she was put in my life so that I would discover what issues I had. I have a hard time just leaving at that, as if she was just a bell ringer to leave me in such distraught. She never once said, hey, you've changed since we first started dating. Or to ask what's going on. Even though I may have recently tried to explain it, she's riding on thinking this was the real me and we were never compatible. This isn't my first relationship, while it was hers. I think maybe I should move on to women that have been around just a little. So that they might actually have an idea of what they want or need. Plus these girls might actually speak up and not be afraid to point out something that's changed.

The wooing may never happen, but it might. Who knows, I'll just woo myself for now. lol.

Thanks for the luck woody,
Mcguy.