Are older guys REALLY any different?

[step477]

I'm female, turning 22 in a few months. I have never been in a relationship before. I cannot find a guy my age who I actually connect with. I have been through a lot in my life and I'm a pretty complex person. Yet every single male my age that I've ever known, only cares about getting drunk/high and having sex. They do not understand someone like me. They go clubbing, get trashed, and stumble into their cars with their obnoxious God awful music blasting all the way home.

My 23 year old male co-workers do nothing but talk about sex all day. They see girls passing by and "rate" their bodies constantly. There is nothing wrong with thinking about sex because we all do...but young guys are incredibly shallow to a degree I never knew. I recently heard my own 15 year old brother talking on the phone about which girls in school are "passable" to do things with, and which ones are only good for doing certain "favors" (can't get too graphic here.) To top it all off, today I was waiting on a table full of young men who were picking women apart piece by piece. Who's boobs aren't big enough, who's too fat, who's too thin, who's too "slutty" (funny coming from them). I couldn't believe they actually think this way and are so critical of girls looks. Sure I see a man pass by and think he is attractive/unattractive, but I don't harp on his every flaw.

I wanted to know if guys in their 30's or guys who are older than me in general, are any different than guys my age. Is there a significant difference in their priorities, thoughts and maturity level? I have no problem with sex being a big part of ones relationship, I am not uptight about that. I just can't take the young male mentality of going to clubs, getting wasted and sleeping with different girls all the time.

I only want the truth here. I honestly don't know what older men are like because I'm not around them. Part of me thinks that I'd be too intimidated to be with someone in their 30's because I'd feel like a kid around him. I'd also feel intimidated having a nowhere job as a waitress while he probably has a real career with good income. I don't want to settle down and have kids or anything like that. I just want to meet someone who has thoughts, maturity, depth, actual interests aside from playing beer pong, etc.

[IndiReloaded]

I doubt that, at 22, you would hold much interest to a mature 30-something year old. Beyond the obvious, that is. Don't take that personally, its just likely true.

But to answer your question, yes, older men (and women) tend to be more settled in terms of life goals and maturity.

If you are finding the men in your own age cohort immature, I would suggest you try a combination of perhaps a slightly older male (25ish) and a change in your socialization mode. Do things that tend to attract more mature people.

[Doc Durian]

I'm female, turning 22 in a few months. I have never been in a relationship before. I cannot find a guy my age who I actually connect with. I have been through a lot in my life and I'm a pretty complex person. Yet every single male my age that I've ever known, only cares about getting drunk/high and having sex. They do not understand someone like me. They go clubbing, get trashed, and stumble into their cars with their obnoxious God awful music blasting all the way home.

My 23 year old male co-workers do nothing but talk about sex all day. They see girls passing by and "rate" their bodies constantly. There is nothing wrong with thinking about sex because we all do...but young guys are incredibly shallow to a degree I never knew. I recently heard my own 15 year old brother talking on the phone about which girls in school are "passable" to do things with, and which ones are only good for doing certain "favors" (can't get too graphic here.) To top it all off, today I was waiting on a table full of young men who were picking women apart piece by piece. Who's boobs aren't big enough, who's too fat, who's too thin, who's too "slutty" (funny coming from them). I couldn't believe they actually think this way and are so critical of girls looks. Sure I see a man pass by and think he is attractive/unattractive, but I don't harp on his every flaw.

I wanted to know if guys in their 30's or guys who are older than me in general, are any different than guys my age. Is there a significant difference in their priorities, thoughts and maturity level? I have no problem with sex being a big part of ones relationship, I am not uptight about that. I just can't take the young male mentality of going to clubs, getting wasted and sleeping with different girls all the time.

I only want the truth here. I honestly don't know what older men are like because I'm not around them. Part of me thinks that I'd be too intimidated to be with someone in their 30's because I'd feel like a kid around him. I'd also feel intimidated having a nowhere job as a waitress while he probably has a real career with good income. I don't want to settle down and have kids or anything like that. I just want to meet someone who has thoughts, maturity, depth, actual interests aside from playing beer pong, etc.

While I somewhat agree with what Indireloaded said, I as a 34 year old (yeah, I know, I lied in my initial post about my age... who doesn't?) I can state beyond a shadow of a doubt that 30 something year old men ARE more conducive to your wants and needs, because most 30 something year old men were once 20 something year old shitheads and they've since seen the error of their ways tenfold revisted them by 30 something year old women.

But having said that, the age difference can be momumental for even the non-faint at heart who believe in connections, and most men....and probably women as well, can't wrap their heads around it. Although I have a youngish uncle who married a beautiful girl 15 years his junior and they're happily still together on their 3rd child.

But he's pleasantly immature and previously accustomed to older battle axes with mental problems.

He's sort of a hero in the family... since he brought such a beautiful soul into it, and he's happy.

[Mish]

Who's boobs aren't big enough, who's too fat, who's too thin, who's too "slutty" (funny coming from them). I couldn't believe they actually think this way and are so critical of girls looks. Sure I see a man pass by and think he is attractive/unattractive, but I don't harp on his every flaw.

I found that people in a group act differently to how they act individually. There are a lot of girls who once you put them together will act like that or worse. Ever seen a drunk hen's night party stumble into a pub? Talk about repulsive and vulgar. It's a pack behaviour. People projecting inexperience and raging hormones reinforced by group dynamic. But yeh, a lot of it settles down with age once everyone had their fair share. Don't be intimated by it, keep looking and you will find someone outside those descriptions.

[Krihar]

I doubt that, at 22, you would hold much interest to a mature 30-something year old. Beyond the obvious, that is. Don't take that personally, its just likely true.

But to answer your question, yes, older men (and women) tend to be more settled in terms of life goals and maturity.

If you are finding the men in your own age cohort immature, I would suggest you try a combination of perhaps a slightly older male (25ish) and a change in your socialization mode. Do things that tend to attract more mature people.

I too agree! Older man will most of the times will act maturely because they have already seen enough of their young days and they want to pass their remaining young days in a more productive and sensible manner!

[Yggdrasil]

I wanted to know if guys in their 30's or guys who are older than me in general, are any different than guys my age. Is there a significant difference in their priorities, thoughts and maturity level? I have no problem with sex being a big part of ones relationship, I am not uptight about that. I just can't take the young male mentality of going to clubs, getting wasted and sleeping with different girls all the time.

I only want the truth here.

The truth is that maturity has nothing to do with physical age.

In my opinion it's more likely you're hanging out with the wrong crowd.

I hope this makes sense.

[jjj]

I disgree fully wih the main post. i am 19 yr old male. and okay i go out cubbing sometimes..who doesnt at this age? but i haven't gone and had sex with anyone iv met on a night out! i dont even just make out/kiss people that i meet out. to me nights out are better having laughs with friends? maybe just me..! and i think people of any age..would still look at people and think or say whos good looking and who isnt, my dad is still with my mum, and with his friends, he and they would point out good looking people etc.

[vashti]

The truth is that maturity has nothing to do with physical age.

Actually, it does (although it is true some people never grow up). The vast majority of people gain maturity and wisdom as they age.

[Lipp]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-maHyFS2E4M"]YouTube - Dude you re a dad[/ame]

[Yggdrasil]

Actually, it does (although it is true some people never grow up). The vast majority of people gain maturity and wisdom as they age.

That's not exactly what I meanth vashti.

I'll ellaborate: she expects a 20 year old male to act like a 30 year old male. Now I don't disagree there are probably quite a few 20 year old males who have reached a maturity level of a 30 year old male, but I don't think that's a majority.

If she would like to meet mature 20 year old ones, then for example bars would not exactly be the right spot, the local library on the other hand may be more appropreate, or the local philanthropy club, to name a few example (hence, hanging out with the wrong crowd). In other words, it's very unlikely you'll find a mature 20 year old hanging out in a bar (regardless that he may have a drink).

I hope this makes a bit more sense now.

[Aeradalia]

To the OP, yes older guys are different from younger guys...

BUT...

...most of the older guys are not troubled by the problems that younger men face, but they are still learning in accordance with their age group, which means the problems you are now facing in your life may bare little meaning to them in their life... and you may not be able to fully relate to an older man as you have yet to encounter such problems or realizations.

If you're looking for deeper conversations, then sure, an older man would probably have more profound thoughts to offer. However, if you're wanting a relationship with one, you'll find they have more profound problems as well.

[ecojeanne]

older guys are set in their ways and will likely act condescendingly towards you, they won't realise they are doing it and you will be frustrated with the fact that they are always right, coz they've been there, done that. go be with someone your own age and as mish said people in groups are different to how they act individually. they try and outdo each others comments. i wouldn't pay heed to what they say if i were you. actions speak louder than words

[Aeradalia]

older guys are set in their ways and will likely act condescendingly towards you, they won't realise they are doing it and you will be frustrated with the fact that they are always right, coz they've been there, done that.

You're right about that... they do try to act condescendingly towards you... and the only way I've found around it is to not get angry... not lose my cool... but reflect over their words, find the truth in it... and agree with them. Then I have to 'build my case' from the angle that although they are right about the facts, they are wrong in how they are using them to their advantage.

Essentially a typical argument becomes something more akin to a debate or trial. It's an awful lot of work... whereas screaming matches usually end in draw or with whoever starts crying first.

[Gribble]

Women don't do this? They don't discuss what size penis is satisfactory, they don't refuse to date a guy because he isn't tall enough or his hair is receding? Humans are shallow little buggers, male or female.

[Aeradalia]

Women don't do this? They don't discuss what size penis is satisfactory, they don't refuse to date a guy because he isn't tall enough or his hair is receding? Humans are shallow little buggers, male or female.

Not sure... I have to draw the line on a guy being too big, but that's based on the concern for physical well-being, and is nothing against the guy.

Most guys who are tall seem to not take much interest in me, so I've ended up dating guys who were my height or about 5'9... but as far as I know, it wasn't intentional.

My ex had a receding hairline at 28... but I rarely noticed.

I'm more concerned with how a guy makes me feel when I'm around him... and not so much on looks.

Albeit, I'll meet you halfway... looks do matter, but they aren't top priority.