Hey,
I started a new job and was working with this guy who I got on really well with. I never saw it as anything more as he had a girlfriend. Over time however, we seemed to be getting closer and I thought he might like me as more than friends, but didn't want to risk ruining our friendship so didn't say anything and he still wasn't single. Anyway he finally told me he had feelings for me and that he was leaving his girlfriend. I couldn't have been happier. It all seemed great and he said all the right things, even though it was difficult for a while when he was splitting up with his girlfriend and moving out of their house etc.
I then had to move abroad for my job. I was gutted and missed him terribly but we emailed and skyped a lot and kept in touch. I find it hard to talk about my feelings and so found starting discussing how we felt via email a good way to start. Our emails intensified as we both missed each other more and more and he explained how much he liked me, how he didn't mess around and how, although there could be no guarantees, he really wanted to try to see if we could work.
Anyway he then also got posted to the same place I am and I was so excited. The first week was great, we spent it together all the time and had a lot of fun. Then he suddenly seemed to pull away. I tried to ask him about it but he just said I was thinking about things too much but finally said he didn't want anything too heavy. I was happy with this as didn't want to rush into anything when we were both away from home and working together. So, so for, all ok, but from here, things seemed to go downhill. Maybe I did think about it all too much, but he seemed to become more and more distant and we started talking less and less. As the weeks went past we got to the point we were only seeing each other at work. I finally asked if anything was wrong and we had a huge argument about everything.
He told me I'd pushed him away by thinking about things too much and not talking to him about it. I argued he could have tried to talk to me, but he won't take any responsibility, saying it is all my fault. He has never told me he doesn't like me anymore, just that his perception of me has changed. I feel like I have become very stressed and upset by this and don't think he is seeing the real me.
We used to spend every weekend together and eat dinner or watch films at each others sometimes in the week. Things seem much more intense being away from home and I have taken this badly partly because he was my social life here and partly because I feel like he led me on to believe one thing and then very quickly changed his mind when things started to happen. The whole situation has made work difficult and he seems to have moved on and be perfectly happy whilst I am still struggling and find the whole situation upsetting. I have tried to suggest we can just be friends and still spend some time together but he always manages to get out of doing anything we talk about, without ever actually saying he doesn't want to go.
He has always blamed me for things going wrong, although he is not bitter. He will not accept any responsibility or apologise for anything. On paper I realise it seems ridiculous I still like him and want to spend time with him, but I do still like him and, although maybe just because we are away and have few other friends here, I do want to continue spending time with him.
I need some advice as he says me constantly being upset or stressed at work makes me impossible to be friends with, whereas I feel like his attitude and reaction to me fuels my upset. He doesn't talk to me, look at me or do any of the things he used to do.
I cannot continue feeling so crappy about things as it is making me very unhappy, but I don't know how to stop feeling like this, or what to do?