Christmas at his ex's house - would you do it?

[noturavvrgrl]

Hi, new here...I will post in the introduce yourself in a bit.
But first, I have a question. I have been seeing this guy for 5 months. We are both divorced, have kids of our own. His children He has them every other weekend, and alternating Mondays. on the mondays he goes and visits them at the ex's house. This is only because they live an hour away from him, and he wants to spend as much time with them as he can. He will go visit them tonight, and he will have them next weekend. On Christmas day, however (which is the ex's turn to have them this year) he wants me to go with him. It would be from say 11:00 a.m. until 1 p.m. or something like that, and he assures me that we would NOT stay for dinner. I have met his ex, and while I can tolerate her (she has this fake perky personality) I am not going to be comfortable being in her house on christmas day. While I realize that It is totally my decision as to whether to go, I am struggling with it, as I really want to be with him, I really like the kids, and this would be for them, not her.

I just wanted to get other women's opinions. Would you go?

I suppose I could always stay home and pout, LOL.

Robin

[Indignant]

are you taking your kids along to his house as well?

[noturavvrgrl]

are you taking your kids along to his house as well?

No, This is my first year without my kids on christmas morning
I'm going to have a very hard time with it (my boys are 7 and 13...I was married for 18 years)

been divorced for 1 1/2 years, but last year was my turn to have them christmas eve/christmas morning. We would be going up to his ex's house...be there for an hour or a little more, and then turn around and come back to his house. We would pick up my kids from my ex's late in the afternoon after we get back.

[Lite]

Look, he has kids to care about and wants to be with them. He also wants you to be a part of his life, and as such has invited you along.

So, either you can back out and look like a chicken to the ex wife, or you can suck it up, sneak a few shots of rum in medicinally, then take him home as dinner and violate him 3 ways from Sunday. Or, go buy a remote controlled vibrating egg, and hand him the remote in the car. He'll smile, you'll smile, and the whole time you're violating the ex's house.

Win/win.

[noturavvrgrl]

So, either you can back out and look like a chicken to the ex wife, or you can suck it up, sneak a few shots of rum in medicinally, then take him home as dinner and violate him 3 ways from Sunday. Or, go buy a remote controlled vibrating egg, and hand him the remote in the car. He'll smile, you'll smile, and the whole time you're violating the ex's house.

Win/win.

Love it.

I'm fairly certain I will go. I just wanted other women's opinion...as all the girls at work have said "there is no way I would be comfortable hanging out at the ex's on Christmas!"

Thanks Lite, you made my day, LOL

[Lite]

Love it.

I'm fairly certain I will go. I just wanted other women's opinion.
Thanks Lite, you made my day, LOL

Well first off, I'm not a woman, and secondly you're welcome. =)

It's understandable that you'd feel apprehensive about such a situation. I've just found that shying away from possible confrontation merely makes it more difficult to deal with real confrontation when it arises. At best it sounds awkward, but I'm all about making the best of a situation when it's damned if you do, damned if you don't. Might as well has as much fun while being damned then.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I dont think you should feel uncomfortable. If he wanted to go alone, THEN I'd feel weird. But he's inviting you to enjoy the holidays with his kids and their mother. I think if you guys got to spend more time around one another and got a feel of each others personalities there'd be less hostility and you may build a friendship. I'm not telling you to go be friends with her, but for your boyfriend's sake, show him you can be the bigger woman and attend this with him.

Happy Holidays!

[IndiReloaded]

Do you know anything about his ex? Will she have a partner there also?

I'm of somewhat mixed thinking about this. While I like Lite's advice for how to *survive* the encounter, I'm not sure its necessarily best for the children involved. You have only been seeing each other 5 months, so I assume your presence in his children's life is a relatively new one.

I think I would ask your partner how he thinks his children will feel about your presence this holiday. If there is any doubt, I might excuse myself this year. Celebrate with the children & him the next time you are all together.

If you can visit and rise above any awkwardness that might occur, AND he believes his kids will be accepting of your presence, then by all means go & support your partner.

[lesa]

It depends on the status of the relationship for me. If very serious then yes, I would likely go with him. If not serious, I would not want to have the children feel uncomfortable seeing daddy with some other woman that may disappear from his life the day after Christmas.

[noturavvrgrl]

Definitely very serious. He is the first man that I have introduced to my kids since my divorce. We have discussed marriage, but neither of us is in a hurry. But he does talk about "when we are married..."

[noturavvrgrl]

Do you know anything about his ex? Will she have a partner there also?

I'm of somewhat mixed thinking about this. While I like Lite's advice for how to *survive* the encounter, I'm not sure its necessarily best for the children involved. You have only been seeing each other 5 months, so I assume your presence in his children's life is a relatively new one.

I think I would ask your partner how he thinks his children will feel about your presence this holiday. If there is any doubt, I might excuse myself this year. Celebrate with the children & him the next time you are all together.

If you can visit and rise above any awkwardness that might occur, AND he believes his kids will be accepting of your presence, then by all means go & support your partner.

Boyfriend and his ex divorced when they were small babies. They are 6 & 7 YO. He has already said that his kids adore me. I personally think that that is because I am a "shiny new toy" to them for the time being. I have been with them maybe 3 or 4 weekends over the past few months, and everything is wonderful as far as them wanting me around. I am a bit worried about this though: my boyfriend has stated that he believes that the ex may feel a little threatened by me (because the kids talk so highly of me) and that is why I get the fake perkiness when she is around me. And she is not remarried nor with anyone right now.

[Lite]

Yep, that's normal. She feels threatened both as a wife (even though she's actually an ex), and as a mother. Like you're somehow going to be a mother to her children, let alone a better mother. Her reaction, while shitty, is common.