Boyfriend is suffering from depression(?)

[soconfused!]

Ok so heres the story. I've only been with my guy a month, known him just a bit longer than that. Recently i'm seeing a side of him I don't like at all and i don't know if i'll be able to stick around. He told me that a few years ago he suffered from depression after a bad breakup but it seems like its back. He won't go for help about it and instead he has started using me as his shrink. I don't know how many times ive had him crying over the phone to me about whatever has him down. Most of the time its absolutely nothing to be worried about. I was over at his last night. He wanted to prove to me he was back to his normal self...only it ended up with me being scared and just wanting to walk home at 2am. He kept muttering to himself about what an idiot he is and was hitting himself... I'm no expert on depression or mental illnesses but i know that is just not normal. when we first started dating he was just the perfect guy, really nice, caring and thoughtful, but i don't think i can handle this from him. This morning it was difficult to leave, i had to actually take the keys from him to get out of the house. He kept trying to say that he was going to get better and wanted me to forget this had happened, I've heard this all a few times now. I know how to take care of myself but i was actually getting really really worried about his behavior. What do i do? I feel so bad for him, im not sure he can take me leaving him, and i hate being in this position. Any easy way to get out of this? Its really stressing me out. I'm not long out of a bad relationship and all i wanted was a bit of light hearted fun. Any advice would be really appreciated.

[Unimare]

You're right, that's not normal. And frankly, you shouldn't have to deal with it. But I do understand how difficult it is knowing that there's nothing you can do for a person you care about. So.. I guess what I would do is gently break things off with him, explaining that he should take care of himself first, before he gets involved with another person, and I would definitely tell him that I would still be there for him and support him if he goes and sees a psychologist or counsellor perhaps. But limit your involvement, if you do want any. He should not get the impression that you'll get back together with him if he gets help - this is something he has to do for himself, not for anyone else. And you shouldn't be his wailing wall, when he gets carried away in his depression, tell him you feel bad for him, but you can't help, and that there are people that can. Seeing a psychologist is no big deal nowadays, everyone does it. Especially if he says he's suffered from depression before. Also, DEPRESSION IS AN ILLNESS THAT IS CURABLE. Very important for people to understand, there are actual chemical inbalances in your brain that can be fixed with medication. Good luck

[Mathias]

Also, DEPRESSION IS AN ILLNESS THAT IS CURABLE.

This isn't true. It's treatable.

There is a significant difference.

[devonbrown]

You should not be his shrink and if his actions and words are scaring you then you need to strongly suggest him going to see someone. Depression is treatable most of the time with the proper medication, but it never goes away really, it is just managed. But he needs to be able to manage it. And since he can't do it on his own, he needs to see someone about it. I understand him not wanting to, but he has to. The hitting himself is a very bad behavior and it needs to be addressed by a professional.

How comfortable do you feel talking to his parents or another person close to him that could help you help him get some help?

I wouldn't necessarily give him an ultimatum of - get help or you leave, but I would strongly hint at that to him.

Good luck.

[Unimare]

This isn't true. It's treatable.

There is a significant difference.

Boo hoo, slip of the tongue : P