struggling to move on...

[melb]

basically last summer i went on a date with a guy who i knew quite well, i had liked him for a very long time, and on our date he stayed over mine and we slept together. i thought he liked me, but then after our date (to cut the story short) he basically started acting distant, he started ignoring my messages and basically just ditched me. i tried telling him how i feel but he just ignored my messages. and then when he would reply i'd get blunt replies. he kept telling me that he's trying to sort his life out, and that he's 'in a bad place'. and he kept telling me that we'd meet up soon but we never did. yet i'd always see him out with his mates. it was all so confusing. I should add that a couple months before we went on our date he had split up from his long term girlfriend, so we both agreed to take things slow. but then he started acting like that. i feel like i was just a rebound. i never got any closure from him so i think this is one of the reasons why i'm struggling to move on. now i've just found out that hes gone on holiday with some girl for his birthday. i have no idea if they are together or not. the honest truth is i am heartbroken, and i'm struggling to move on. thats why i thought i'd post on this forum to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation ?

[GLYC]

Well, a man should never ignore your messages. That's rude behavior. "a couple months before we went on our date he had split up from his long term girlfriend" possibly a factor, plus the story about the pictures with this other woman now. That's a pretty good sign that he's with her.

I get that you're heartbroken. You had all of these thoughts built up about this guy, and then you finally had a date with him. However, things didn't work out like you had hoped. You had built up a fantasy of what things could have been like.

I've been there before, and others have as well.

Best is to cease contact, assume it's over. If he's being cold I recommend just saying "Hey I'd really like to see you again and just see where things go, but it sounds like we're on different pages right now. Let me know if you change your mind" but I feel like you might have already communicated that in your own way. So there's really no need to. I would just show through your actions that you're moving on (by not contacting him again unless he contacts you)

I would keep looking for someone new. Assume it's over forever. You'll find someone else.

[TheEvilJester]

It sounds like he was only interested in sex. He was not interested in anything more serious. So, when he got what he wanted, he left. That WOULD be okay..... WOULD BE if he'd been honest with you about that. Maybe I am wrong, but it doesn't sound like he was honest about that. "We'll take it slow" to me doesn't imply I just want sex. It implies "I may want a relationship eventually, but for now I just want to see where things go." I think he deliberately wanted you to believe that so he could get what he wanted. THAT is wrong.

....Even so, he could at least redeem himself slightly if he had AT LEAST been honest with you after the fact. Instead, he chooses to continue showing the giant child he truly is by playing immature games and ignoring you. So, bottom line, my gut reaction based on the details you have shared is that the guy is a scumbag. I could be wrong about that, but that is certainly how it sounds to me based on his actions. You deserve better anyway. I know that can be hard for you to see right now. You thought there could have been something special there. The thing is, what you thought you saw in him was just a facade. It was fake. He just put on a mask, metaphorically speaking, that he thought would be what you want so he could get what he wants.

You deserve better than that. Sounds like that better won't be found in him. So, hard though it may be, you may be best to just move on, forget him, and look elsewhere for love. He doesn't deserve you. You are too good for him. Some day you can find somebody who has all the qualities you thought you saw in him.... only in them they will actually be REAL. Good luck to you. I am so sorry to hear what he has done. Nobody deserves that. You will be okay in time, believe me. Better, even, when you find somebody who makes you realize how somebody SHOULD have been treating you all along.

[Snow White]

Only time can heal this one. You must move on. Use this as a learning experience. "he kept telling me that he's trying to sort his life out, and that he's 'in a bad place'. and he kept telling me that we'd meet up soon but we never did. yet i'd always see him out with his mates. it was all so confusing." That is what to learn from right there. His words contradicted his actions. Nothing confusing about that. He was showing you what he was. You didn't want to see it. That is the lesson...see people for who they truly are, not who you want them to be. Do not accept anything less for yourself.