My boyfriends mom is very overprotective what do i do?

[Anabella]

Ive been going out with my boyfriend for about 1 year and 8 months We are still in high school i am a senior and he is a junior. His mom liked me at first i guess however once we got futher into the relationship things kinda got bad. She doesnt really let us go out outside of school we cant really talk on the phone and he doesnt really have texting either. His mom is very overprotective. One time at a band and colorguard party she had one of the moms take pictures of us and send them to her, later on that night she called me and told me that she thought we should spend more time with other people and less time together. Then an other time she called me during thanksgiving brake last year and said my boyfriend and i where being to lovey on facebook(because she reads his messages) and said that her son knows better then that and she wants him to put God first and all that. Then just about two months ago he and i where talking by my class and his mom shows up at school and tells him to get to clas. So as soon as he got to class the late bell rang anyways later on that day his mom calls me and says" I dont appreiciate my son being late to class, i think your a beautiful sweet girls but sometimes i think your a bad influnce on him and i dont like it my son knows better" and all that jazz oh and i always am nice to her and try talking to him mom and i say hi to her every time i see her so when she was on the phone she said " Your smiles and hellos arent going to win over my graces" and " Im not gonna go anywhere." and it mad me angry because i make an effort to talk to her..
I also dont like how my boyfriend can hang out with his other friends but can hardly ever hang out with me... and ive talked to talk to him about my feelings towards all this and all he says is " Im trying to fix it" or "if i could change what my mom thougt i would" However it doesnt seem like he is trying and when i tell him that he just gets pissed.
I love him alot i really do and i dont ever want to lose him because he is truly amazing.. and to be honest i dont think we would fight as much as we did if his mom wasnt so up tight...
What should i do? any advise?

[MaidenMinx]

You said she was nice to you at first. What did you do to change her mind?

She considers you a bad influence. You have to prove you are not. So rather than asking your bf to argue with his mum about you you should be making things easier for him. Rather than putting him and you in a position to be bitched at for being late to class, make sure you're on time. Start acting like a thoughtful, considerate, responsible mature person and she will treat you like one. Simple.

When I was in school I had multiple colored hair with half of it shaved off. I wore ripped jeans and looked rather trashy. All of my friends and boyfriends parents loved me. Wanna know why? I never got in trouble. Didn't mean I wasn't trouble, I just knew how not to get caught. I was also very polite but nice too, rather than just say hello when they answered the phone I'd spend 10 mins chatting with them before asking them to put me onto whoever I was calling.

The mother can see you are putting on an act. If you want her to like you younger either going to have to change or become a better performer.

[Amber2011]

Judging by most of the posts, I'm probably the granny of the forum

I have a son too who's not in a relationship at the moment (he was in one but his girlfriend got the job offer of a lifetime and moved abroad). A lot of what MaidenMinx has said is good advice. You want to win his mum over, then show her that you are mature and responsible. Work hard at school and get your grades (I'm in the UK so not sure how American grades work). Always be polite and show good manners. Please and thankyou don't cost anything but get you far in life

Also you both sound very young. You both have all your lives infront of you and have plenty of time before settling down with one person

[Boisdevie]

I also think you need to talk to your boyfriend about this. Perhaps he should tell his mother to stop interfering so much. If she's dominating him now then she'll probably dominate him forever unless he does something about it.

[HeartIsAching]

Judging by most of the posts, I'm probably the granny of the forum

I have a son too who's not in a relationship at the moment (he was in one but his girlfriend got the job offer of a lifetime and moved abroad). A lot of what MaidenMinx has said is good advice. You want to win his mum over, then show her that you are mature and responsible. Work hard at school and get your grades (I'm in the UK so not sure how American grades work). Always be polite and show good manners. Please and thankyou don't cost anything but get you far in life

Also you both sound very young. You both have all your lives infront of you and have plenty of time before settling down with one person

Dunno... you're not a member of the Olde Farte's Club.

OP - your BF's mom isn't "overprotective", she's abusive. She's controlling and what's pissing her off is that her son wants out from under her control and is struggling. What she isn't getting is that the minute he can, he will, and her power will end. Probably not prettily.

Unfortunately, you're caught in the middle of it. You're not going to change it... I wish I had better advice for you.

[bulrush]

His mom is controlling, and you can't change that. You can either deal with it, or find another boyfriend, because the son has no power at all to change his parents.

[surfhb]

His mom calls you? If another parent called my kid bitching about his relationship, God and all that, I'd crawl so far up this womens ass her head'll twirl!! Tell your parents about this womans abusive behavior and request that they make a call to, not only the prinicple of the school, but also the school board and herself. This is illegal behavior

[surfhb]

You said she was nice to you at first. What did you do to change her mind?

She considers you a bad influence. You have to prove you are not. So rather than asking your bf to argue with his mum about you you should be making things easier for him. Rather than putting him and you in a position to be bitched at for being late to class, make sure you're on time. Start acting like a thoughtful, considerate, responsible mature person and she will treat you like one. Simple.

When I was in school I had multiple colored hair with half of it shaved off. I wore ripped jeans and looked rather trashy. All of my friends and boyfriends parents loved me. Wanna know why? I never got in trouble. Didn't mean I wasn't trouble, I just knew how not to get caught. I was also very polite but nice too, rather than just say hello when they answered the phone I'd spend 10 mins chatting with them before asking them to put me onto whoever I was calling.

The mother can see you are putting on an act. If you want her to like you younger either going to have to change or become a better performer.

How can you know she putting on an Act? Fron this parent's perspective, this women is clearly out of line. Can she do anything about it? No but I find it hard you're making excuses for this kind of behavior from a parent. Calling her is harrassment.

[MaidenMinx]

How can you know she putting on an Act? Fron this parent's perspective, this women is clearly out of line. Can she do anything about it? No but I find it hard you're making excuses for this kind of behavior from a parent. Calling her is harrassment.

Sorta skimmed that bit. The mum might be out of line. As a parent myself though, if I noticed a change in behavior in my son (being late for class for eg) I'd be looking for causes and solutions. These people are still in high school. And if the mother calling the gf is out of line, OP should be getting her parents to defend her. The fact that she hasn't makes me wonder if there is something to the mother being over protective.

And on that note, these kids are in high school. Why on Earth should this boy be standing up to his mum (to whoever said it)? Shouldn't he be respecting his mums opinion at least until he isn't living with her anymore.

I can't back up why I think OP is putting on an act with the mum. I don't retract the statement though, so maybe I can't articulate why I think OP is putting on an act would be more acurate.

[Superfantastich]

One question: Would you ever want her as a mother in law?
My mother ignored signs like this and it pretty much destroyed her marriage, some girls can never be good enough for "their little boy".