Stuck about what to do

[az08]

Ok Ill try make this as short as possible!

Im 21, live in UK, had 1 previous long-term relationship
My best friend is with a girl who lives here, and her sister came to visit her about 1 month ago, the girls are from Brazil.
Ok well her sister is not a girl, but a woman lol, shes 29 and has a 7 yr old daughter, has been married, divorced, has had a number of relationships etc etc.
ANYWAY, I meet her, and we get it off instantly, theres an instant attraction.
Fast forward a month, and mainly as a group of 4 we have spent time together, had lots of fun, there is definitely something 'special' there.

Before she leaves, she tells me that im different to other guys that shes met before that are only after 1 thing, and that she loves spending time with me, etc, ETC and basically tells me to come visit her, and even says would be easy for me to find a job there teaching english!
Now my feelings towards her - i really like her, REALLY like her.

Now the problem - my friends GF (her sister) is planning on going back to BR for Xmas, at which point my best friend will go too i think, and he wants me to wait until then to go as well...because we want to visit BR together and have fun!
Now considering the price of plane tickets (£700-£800) I can only go once. I REALLY want to go earlier then that - because basically, not being able to see this girl is driving me crazy.

Now at this point in time, it would be very stupid to assume what me and this girl have is 'serious' because we live so far apart and she has her own life with car, job, daughter, so theres no way she can move anywhere, while I've just graduated and really should find a job soon lol...We did sleep together while she was here.

So really, I don't want to go visit her by myself, knowing only her, talking to mainly only her and doing everything with only her. As much as I would love to do this - i think it would all seem a bit too forward, going there JUST to see her basically. Im sure we would have a good time, but it would feel like im going there, assuming that something serious is gonna happen between us. So really..I should just wait till my best friend, and her sister go...then we can all have fun together and just see what happens with her!

BUT, im literally going a bit crazy thinking about her all the time...reallly wanting to see her, because honestly, when we are together, I feel so happy, and she does too.

SOOOOO i really dont know what to do, it feels as though im taking things WAY to seriously, instead of just doing my own thing and going to visit when I have time, im planning everything around this visit, because I have the 'idea' that theres a possibility it could become serious..and I could stay in BR for good as I dont have anything tying me down here - why im reluctant to find a full time job JUST yet...lol........

Any advice appreciated!

edit// couple things forgot to say - im very confident and have lots of friends and 'girl-friends' who I hang out with a lot, I don't normally let a girl do this to me...but I just can't help it! Even though I know what she thinks of me..at the back of my mind I keep thinking...If i don't see her soon...she might meet someone else...

[Cain]

If you want to visit, fine, but I really don't recommend approaching this thing seriously. You're too young to take on the responsibilities of a father... especially to a child that's not even yours.

Approach this cautiously. If you want to have fun with them, go for it... Brazil is a nice place. But don't try for anything romantic.

[starbuck]

You're in the infatuation stage so you're putting alot of hopes into a pretty thin premise right now. It might be really hard to actually make a relationship like this work, given the age difference and the fact that she has a child.

Even if you are wise for your years, you have alot of living to do, and she may be in more of a settled down stage.

Caution might be the best approach. I agree.

[az08]

I totally agree with you both - I think I am in the infatuation stage - which is exactly the reason all I really want now, is to spend more time with her to get to know her better and just see how things develop, which right now is impossible lol, which is why im stuck on whether to go there by myself or not

Well i've decided - I'll just ask her which option she thinks is best, come soon by myself, or in a while with her sister and my friend. Good idea to just ask her straight?

[starbuck]

I suppose asking her wouldn't be a bad idea. Especially if you're planning to go by yourself. Just remember that impulsive decisions may not always be the right ones. My ex came out here for a visit and ended up staying and the results were disastrous. I think there is something to be said for waiting and planning things out.

Think seriously about whether or not the timing is right for this.

[Cain]

I don't think you're really grasping this situation. It is going to cost you £700-£800 for each visit. Even if I thought that getting into this relationship would be a good idea (which I don't), I definitely don't condone moving there unless you've known her for a good while and actually been able to go on several (and by several I mean 15+) dates with her. That's definitely expensive for something that might not work out (and by might not work out I mean most likely won't).

[az08]

My ex came out here for a visit and ended up staying and the results were disastrous.

What were the results? Im intrigued, and very curious lol

Think seriously about whether or not the timing is right for this.

Its perfect timing for me...before I met her I always wanted to go to South America, and I'm not tied down to a job..yet. And not to mention the fact that living with my mum is getting harder day by day...and I havent been on holiday yet this year...so really it would be a perfect time to go on a holiday to relax.

I don't think you're really grasping this situation. It is going to cost you £700-£800 for each visit. Even if I thought that getting into this relationship would be a good idea (which I don't), I definitely don't condone moving there unless you've known her for a good while and actually been able to go on several (and by several I mean 15+) dates with her. That's definitely expensive for something that might not work out (and by might not work out I mean most likely won't).

ok well i'm not gona move there straight away lol..it will just be a holiday, I was just unsure whether it was a good idea to go by myself or not! who knows whats gonna happen - we might feel nothing and just realise it was all just fun, OR something more might happen, but the thing is, I'm prepared to pay £800 to find out...life is WAY too short to miss opportunities. I'd rather go and maybe be disappointed, then not go and regret not trying. And its just money, I would rather spend it, then let it sit in the bank! Guess thats just the way i am.

thanks for your help though guys - I actually feel a lot better now for some reason, going to take things a bit more catiously from now, and stop thinking about her so much and just do my own thing for now

[Cain]

And its just money, I would rather spend it, then let it sit in the bank!

Get over that, because that's the kind of thought process that's going to make you one of those people that works for money.

What if you go there and things are good? You're going to pay for another ticket.. and then another.. and then another. Are you going to be fine with moving there after only four visits? What happens if you, after spending all the money on the visits and the move, realize it won't work?

What I'm saying is there are plenty of women where you're from where this kind of risk isn't really necessary, you know?

[az08]

Get over that, because that's the kind of thought process that's going to make you one of those people that works for money.

What if you go there and things are good? You're going to pay for another ticket.. and then another.. and then another. Are you going to be fine with moving there after only four visits? What happens if you, after spending all the money on the visits and the move, realize it won't work?

What I'm saying is there are plenty of women where you're from where this kind of risk isn't really necessary, you know?

hmmmm I understand you now, and its a very good point

I won't be spending money going back and forth - I'm only gonna go once. If its good ill stay for a bit longer, if it then fails, I can just come back here where I have a home, and can easily get a job and carry on with life, but at least I would have had the experience. I hope you understand that the risk is not as high as you think, I see it more as an adventure...the other alternative is to stay here in London and get a 9-5 job and start the routine that most people do...which I don't really wanna do

[Cain]

If you are willing to move there after ONE visit, you're insane.

[az08]

LOL I didn't say move, I said stay for a bit longer! Big difference!

Anyway enough of all this planning the future stuff, ill just go with the flow and see what happens

Thanks for your help

[Cain]

LOL I didn't say move, I said stay for a bit longer! Big difference!

Anyway enough of all this planning the future stuff, ill just go with the flow and see what happens

Thanks for your help

Say things go well after the first visit and you really like her?

Then what?

[az08]

Say things go well after the first visit and you really like her?

Then what?

lol...i don't know...if i could tell the future i would be a very rich man!

[starbuck]

What were the results? Im intrigued, and very curious lol

If you search for a post called "too self sacrificing" under my name, I pretty much tell that story there. Basically he couldn't get a job and ended up being a drain on me financially as well as emotionally. Totally different situation and totally different person, but if I knew him the way I know him now, I would not have let him stay. We are thankfully broken up now.

Sometimes we're tempted to throw caution to the wind. But there is a difference between doing something spontaneous and doing something risky.

[Cain]

lol...i don't know...if i could tell the future i would be a very rich man!

That's my point. I'm not saying that you'll move there after this visit. What I'm saying is if it goes well and then the visit in December goes well, you'll want to either move there or keep paying for visits. There's no way you can afford to pay for the number of visits that would make moving there not crazy.