Stuck

[Sleepytimerules]

Ok, so here's the situation:

I've been with, uh, let's call him J for about 7 months now. I love J a lot. When J and I met, I was a chain-smoking, antidepressent-popping stripper. J didn't like these things, so I loved him so much I quit all of these things. Not because I thought they were bad, but because they bothered J. So, that whole "I don't even need psychiatric medications when I'm with you" thing didn't work out, so I start taking amphetamines off-label for depression and all hell breaks loose. Then I start smoking again, tension builds, we get in a huge fight over him being controlling and how does any of this even affect you type of thing, and things get better for awhile. Then I had to quit smoking again because he can't quit chewing without me leaving nicotine without him (is that supposed to be flattering?), and I only take my pills when he's not looking just so we don't have to argue about me being an "addict" all over again, which just makes me feel more silly than angry. So everything's almost ok - I mean, at least we know we're dysfunctional, right? Or at least I know we're dysfunctional....anyway....that whole stripper thing.

I really want to go back. I'm sick of looking for jobs, I'm sick of being dirt poor, and I know this makes me sound really spoiled or dumb or lazy or promiscuous or whatever, but I would think that, you know, having a girlfriend who can come home with $1000 in her pocket would be a good thing, not something to get all hissy and upset about. He says me being a stripper is like I don't really love him or something, and he sometimes gets on the verge of tears when we talk about it. And anyway, I had a job at one point, as a waitress at a bar and grill, but he threw a fit when he found out the place had mandatory leather outfits, and went so far as to tell me I just love to put myself in situations that "exploit me." WTF?? And then he asks me to clean up his computer from all the adware he got from looking at BAD INTERNET PORN. Oh yeah, goofy outfit = slut. GonzoButtRape.com = respectable Friday-night hobby. Sorry, anyway, the point is, I'm miserable because I can't pay my bills, and I just really want to go strip again, and I don't want to sneak around his back and I really don't see why I should have to choose between money and a boyfriend (especially when he expects me to pay rent to move into his room). I know any justification I try to throw out on an internet forum is going to sound really pathetic anyway, but I really just don't know what to say:

"Your controlling attitude towards my career in the sex industry, amphetamine use, and chain-smoking is really getting out of hand."

"Don't tell me who's dick I can and can't rub my bare ass against!"

"Why should I have to give up my filthy nicotine habits just because you can't find anywhere else to turn for some measely 'emotional support'?"

I love this kid to death...but it's just little stuff like this that I don't know if I can live with. I don't know what to do. I think I want to just break things off off, but I can't even do that. I'd feel like too much of an asshole, precisely because the things that drive me nuts are so seemingly trivial. I just feel stuck. I feel like whatever I do, I'm the ungrateful prostitute drug addict and he's the victim. I don't feel like it's working, but I don't know what to do about it either.

[TDurden]

Quit the drugs. Quit smoking. Dump this guy. And strip to your heart's content.

[EDIT] I feel I owe a more in depth answer because you had the decency to type like a native english speaker and you used paragraphs.

You were, and still are, leading a ****ed up life. The fact that you think he should accept this shows that you're hardly aware of the situation you're in. He is fact being controlling. Probably more then is necessary, though not all his actions are wrong. He isn't being very understanding but on the same token he is looking out for you and like it or not he's trying to help you lead a more normal, healthy life.

The stripping thing is a tricky issue because he is justified in being jealous. However you are also right to not want to be broke. It sounds like you don't have a lot of other options at the moment so continuing stripping isn't an absurd idea if it rakes in the cash. If you want to keep this guy around though, you'll need to be more understanding of where he's coming from.

You should quit the drugs and smoking. They don't lead anywhere pleasant and it isn't unreasonable for him to want you to stop.
You are going to need to compromise here if you want the relationship to continue. You cannot just do whatever you please and expect compliance.

And the reason I say dump the guy is because he sounds very caring but also very self involved and judgemental. Getting on the right track won't be instantaneous and he doesn't sound like the kind of person who is going to support you through any changes in your life that take longer then a week.

[vashti]

the point is, I'm miserable because I can't pay my bills, and I just really want to go strip again, and I don't want to sneak around his back and I really don't see why I should have to choose between money and a boyfriend (especially when he expects me to pay rent to move into his room). .

I guess the reason why you have to choose is because that is the price you pay for being with him. Only YOU can decide if he is worth that price, but I have to tell you - not many men would behave differently.

[mikeee]

Were you leading this lifestyle when you met him, and was he aware of it? If so, then I dont see why he has a problem at all (not that I condone drug abuse), but if he had no clue, and you didnt do drugs or make him aware that you are stripping, then just let go, find someone who will accept you for who you are, and let him find someone who doesnt use drugs and doesnt want to strip.

[Gigabitch]

I can see how you'd want to go back to stripping, but I have to ask- how long can you do that? At some point, you just have to retire, and I'm guessing that's quite a few years before 65. (Dear God, I hope so.)

My point is, shouldn't you be moving toward something a little more sustainable for income? Now, while you're young enough to have the energy it takes to start new things, and before you settle down with some asshole who thinks it's his right to get up in your face, judge you in every regard and run your life?

Yes, I think he probably has your best interests at heart. So what? he's a sanctimonious pain in the ass. You don't sound like the kind of person who generally lets some guy boss you around. Can you tell me why he gets to?

[JohnsonROd]

hold on... checking out GonzoButtRape.com... I'll get back with my post later

[The Great OV!!!]

I'd feel like too much of an asshole, precisely because the things that drive me nuts are so seemingly trivial. I just feel stuck. I feel like whatever I do, I'm the ungrateful prostitute drug addict and he's the victim. I don't feel like it's working, but I don't know what to do about it either.

No no no, you won't be an a$$ for breaking up with him. You will be doing him a HUGE favor....trust me. This is the largest pile of garbage boohoo I have ever read. All I got from it was "Waaaaaa I want to be a slut and make money but I want someone to love me for me too!"....choose one bitch cause that is how it works. I feel so bad for this guy ! man!. I would have left you and laughed at your drug abused stupid slut face a long time ago...but ofcourse you will come on here and make some more bogus excuses. Leave the guy, he is to smart and normal for you.

PS: I would rather not have the 1000 bucks then have a girlfriend who is a stripper. That is for sure.

hold on... checking out GonzoButtRape.com... I'll get back with my post later

Nothing special there. I was there months ago.