Constant stupid fighting

[tom0478]

Hello,

I apologize if this turns out somewhat long. I was really hoping I could get some advice on my current relationship. It would be much appreciated. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 4 years now. I care about her a lot and I love her, but the thing is - we have a lot of issues that it just seems like we cant resolve. She's still in college, and she is stressed out ...a lot. However, it seems like she takes it all out on me.

For example, the other day for Valentine's Day, I came over her house, made her dessert, brought her flowers, and was going to take her out to dinner. First she needed help with her homework, so she hands me the assignment. The packet was about 6 pages long. I apparently made the mistake of asking her "how much do I have to read?" (I wanted to know how much of the packet includes her assignment). That ticked her off apparently. She got very stressed out and started giving me very rude answers and raising her voice. So i told her to just relax and stop cursing at me. After that she stopped talking to me for the rest of the day. Even during dinner she wouldn't speak to me. All of this after I did all these things for her, and after taking her out. (She has had these communication problems in the past and I've tried addressing it) The next day I call her and tell her how I upset I am with her and how after all the nice things I did, she just doesn't speak to me all day. I told her how I don't deserve it. She tells me that I made it seem like I didn't want to help her with the assignment because I asked about the length of the reading. Then she told me how horrible it is that I "threw the things I did for her into her face like that and how she thanked me several times for it all." I didn't mean to throw anything into her face - I just wanted her to know how upset I am.

Honestly, this is just one example of these "fights" we get into, and I just cant take it anymore. I am losing all energy to fight like this, and I feel like this is not the way I want to live my life. I just really need an opinion..I feel like I'm going crazy...

[courtney90]

It seems to me as she is just stressed out and is taking her frustration out on you. I know it's not fair to you but you are there so she is going to give it to you lol. Maybe you should just sit her down and talk to her with out throwing all the things you do for her in her face. and just tell her how you feel...maybe ask her if she would like some time to focus on her studies (but make sure she knows that you are not suggesting this to be able to go out with other people cuz girls are funny like that sometimes) ... or ask her if there is anything that you could do for her to make her life a little easier? maybe get her a massage or something nice to relax her...but be sure not to throw it in her face in a future fight. but just talk to her calmly and let her know how you feel...tell her that you want to do whatever it takes to better your relationship but if she just gets mad and wants to fight about that then maybe it's time for you to end things because it probably won't get any better. good luck

[xxazurexx]

Every fight a couple has, is another nail in the coffin of a relationship. Fighting doesn't bring you closer, it only serves to drive a wedge between you and that wedge gets wider with each and every argument/fight.

If you both don't resolve this, things will only get worse.

Take it from me. I was in a ten year marriage where all we did was argue and bicker over stupid trivial things. Course, it didn't last because it doesn't and if you don't communicate.

[tom0478]

The thing is, I've tried sitting her down and talking. We've been through it so many times. And honestly, I wasn't throwing anything in her face. I just wanted to tell her that she upset me. It's been like this for awhile, and if it's not this then it's going to be something else in a few weeks...

[xxazurexx]

There is nothing else that people can suggest then.

Down to you and how you choose to deal with it.

[courtney90]

The thing is, I've tried sitting her down and talking. We've been through it so many times. And honestly, I wasn't throwing anything in her face. I just wanted to tell her that she upset me. It's been like this for awhile, and if it's not this then it's going to be something else in a few weeks...

I realizie that you were not intentionally trying to throw anything up in her face but that's how she took it. It seems to me that you both know it's over but are both holding on the the mere fact that you are comfortable. But that is not healthy...you will both be much happier in the long run if you just ended things ... who knows you two could end up back together one day... now just probably isn't the time... she has her studies and im sure you have things going for you in life as well.

I think you answered your own ? though when you said "if it's not this then it's going to be something else in a few weeks"

[sweetkissesforu]

Every fight a couple has, is another nail in the coffin of a relationship. Fighting doesn't bring you closer, it only serves to drive a wedge between you and that wedge gets wider with each and every argument/fight.

If you both don't resolve this, things will only get worse.

Take it from me. I was in a ten year marriage where all we did was argue and bicker over stupid trivial things. Course, it didn't last because it doesn't and if you don't communicate.

I do not agree with you on the nail in the coffin as some disagreements in a relationship are healthy if you dont have any diagreements it is as bad as too many disagreements
but throwing things you do for your gf is not and taking stress out on your bf is not

[xxazurexx]

I do not agree with you on the nail in the coffin as some disagreements in a relationship are healthy if you dont have any diagreements it is as bad as too many disagreements
but throwing things you do for your gf is not and taking stress out on your bf is not

I was referring to the OP's situation - constant arguing, rather than a little tiff here and there....

I formed the impression that in OP's situation things are bad....and we aren't just talking a little tiff now and again - it's 'constant' arguing and no communication!!!

And it eventually tears couples apart and where there is arguing and it isn't resolved..

The arguments are NOT healthy in this situation.