Shut-in gf

[no_one]

[change of heart]

[anachronistic]

shit dude, i gotta finish these last few web pages and go home.. then i will get back to your post. promise.

[Jimmy1218]

I think she's using you cause she doesn't have a job. She's the parasite and you're the host. Leave her.

[vashti]

Your girlfriend sounds mentally ill. (no joke) She needs to see a professional. Whether or not you want to be dragged through that is up to you. If you don't, I wouldn't blame you. Just send her home to her mother.

[nuttybuddy]

I think you're treating her like she's your wife. But you're not sure anymore if you want to live like this if you ever got married to her. If you love her, ask her what her ambition in life is. Help her follow her dreams. If she wants to just become a house wife... that's also a noble ambition. Just have a talk with her about what she wants to do with her life. She needs direction in self-esteem. Maybe after she knows what she wants to do, she'll develop that. And after her self-esteem gets higher, she may want to see your family then... that is, if you still want to introduce your family to her.

[sadie_genie]

It seems though she feels useless but doesn't have the courage to do something about it (like finding a job). Perhaps she's ashame of her dependency on you so she thinks your parents won't like her (as well as the rest of the world). Encourage her to find a job or something worthwhile to do but do it in a senstive manner. Do not make it seem like you are trying to shoo her away if she doesn't. Let her know that she is everything to you no matter what.

[vashti]

From wiki:

Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder which primarily consists of the fear of experiencing a difficult or embarrassing situation from which the sufferer cannot escape. As a result, severe sufferers of agoraphobia may become confined to their homes, experiencing difficulty traveling from this "safe place".

[Gigabitch]

Please do NOT marry this person. It won't help her and it will ruin your life.

Has it occurred to you that you are enabling her to be this way? I think she sounds mental (and I should know- I'm a bit mental, myself). What she needs is a push out the door, in the nicest sense of the phrase.

It sounds like she was raised in a sorry environment in which she was expected to fail, and now she has another one, provided by you. Please take this stunted individual out into the light and try to help her, even if it means breaking up with her.

[anachronistic]

if you're the one person she depends upon, but she does not trust your judgement, she needs some help.

i have three suggestions for you, perhaps they're worth considering;

1. try to get her to talk to a counselor or a psychiatrist. offer to go with her, try to get her to go, insist upon it.

2. secretly plan for your parents to meet her. hey, that could be a good idea! you never know.. even the most ridiculous thoughts and ideas are worth considering sometimes. maybe you don't even have to plan a visit, just invite a friend over that you think you'd both gt along with together.

3. be straight up with her about how you feel. set some kind of ultimatum. tell her that you're not happy with the relationship, you wish it was connected to your family, you want to go out together and things like that, and if you don't, you'll need to break up. but make sure you sugar coat it with 'i love you and i dont want to leave you, but this is making me too unhappy'

and good luck with whatever you do, keep us posted

edit: do you guys spend a lot of time together? are these times you spend together generally happy or sad? you know, if you really rub a person to their bright side, sometimes they change. keep her happy.

[anachronistic]

Yeah, actually, I was gonna mention that after I ran out...she sounds like she really might need some counseling/professional help if she truly can't stand to go outside or meet people.

i'd personally try to bring my friends and family first. getting someone to try to talk to a counselor is very difficult in most cases, and you never know, if you show someone a good time, it will last them a memory.

[vashti]

This does not sound like a job for a lay-person. She may not *want* to see a professional, but since she is financially dependent on you, you can certainly insist. Or send her home.

[Tiay]

I think vashti's right- she sounds mentally ill. And if she has this phobia, then it doesn't matter how much she cares about you or trusts you, she still simply CAN'T meet your family or go out with you. if that's the case, it's an irrational fear, it can't be solved by dragging them out the door or springing a surprise family visit on them- to them, it's like someone asked you to jump into a pit of lions. But of course, that would be a rational fear, but that fear is just as real to someone with a phobia.

but maybe she hasn't really got that, maybe she's messed up in some other way. I don't know. It sounds like you should sit down and have a long talk with her.

[anachronistic]

I think vashti's right- she sounds mentally ill. And if she has this phobia, then it doesn't matter how much she cares about you or trusts you, she still simply CAN'T meet your family or go out with you. if that's the case, it's an irrational fear, it can't be solved by dragging them out the door or springing a surprise family visit on them- to them, it's like someone asked you to jump into a pit of lions. But of course, that would be a rational fear, but that fear is just as real to someone with a phobia.

but maybe she hasn't really got that, maybe she's messed up in some other way. I don't know. It sounds like you should sit down and have a long talk with her.

the fear itself in most cases is worse than what you fear. i do believe that if someone came over by surprise it might make her feel better about people -- if it turned out good.

[Tiay]

If you shoved someone with fear of open spaces out into an open space, they could have a heart attack and die. Extreme case... Of course, we don't know if she even has this phobia or to what extent. But she locked herself in the room and refused to meet them? there's something mental going on here beyond just feeling a down or feeling fat.

[anachronistic]

tiay, you're right but that's not equal to what this guy is dealing with. i mean, maybe if he was going to throw her into a mosh pit or strap her to a chair and *force* her to meet people and things like that..

it's worth the try in my opinion. if she runs for the hills when the doorbell rings, she definitely needs some councelinng. i don't think it's that bad though, i think she would just feel uncomfortable.