What kind of person would you describe this person as? (very generalized question but the best I could come up with)
Let me explain. I was in a ‘bad’ relationship about 6 years ago when I met this guy through a co-worker and I did something I SO WISH I hadn’t – slept with him on the first date. I know – shame on me. No excuse, it is what it is. Anyhow, fast forward to a couple years back; he was in an open relationship, and one relationship ended as he picked up another girl. Well the new GF had an illness requiring surgery and long term lifestyle changes that he was not ready for. So, he ended that relationship as they were planning to move in his newly purchased RV and live the nomadic lifestyle. Well, he fled because of this decision and feelings of guilt and whatever (I am sure I don’t know whole story) he ended up moving 3000 miles away. I have been in contact with him this whole time (about 2 years and 3000 miles apart). I helped him through his depression, his highs and lows, his moaning and groaning, his nightmares, you name it. Mind you, I did not know that he and his then GF were planning to move together – he told me he was planning to go solo the whole time. One of several lies I’ve since found out.
In October, his father suddenly passed away. So he flew back home to help his mother with arrangements, etc. Again, I was there for him – we would go to a nearby park and just sit and he would cry, scream, etc., and was at a pretty low point in his life at that point. I felt for him because both my mother and his father died suddenly at home and at the same age as well as passing away from the same illness (heart disease). I helped him with his eulogy.
Two weeks he was here trying to get things straighten out for his mom and get her settled, and when it was time for him to leave, I drove him to the airport (I also was there to pick him up). He had asked me if I could take his mother to pick up his father’s ashes. I said yes. Yup, I know, I should have drawn the line ....
Well, now he’s been back to his new home for a while and I should add he lives in his RV parked at his friend’s house. He has a good job, and has made a lot of friends. He was reluctant at first because where he moved from he was ‘the big fish’ and where he moved to he is the ‘little fish.’ It took him about a good year to get used to that and join meet up groups, etc. & to meet new people. I encouraged him the whole time and tried my best to stay positive and help him through it. Side note: I have had my fair share of tough times and I know what it’s like to be alone out there so I was his ear, shoulder to cry on, etc.
Let’s fast forward some more…So he’s meeting/making new friends, going to parties, resuming his photography of various subjects- mainly burlesque shows, and doing drugs. It’s all and good except for the drugs. I don’t want to see him get into another mess. Allegedly he said (kind of sounded like he was bragging) about doing absinthe, weed, mushrooms, cocaine, and nitrous oxide all in the same night with some friends he invited to his RV.
So, now he’s texts me a lot about “I’m doing this event this weekend, that party, going hiking” (which is fine) but he brags like he says things like ‘well, I only cycled 15 miles or I crashed only 2 times, and when I climbed a tree some of the tree climbing experts were amazed at how good I did that they were so impressed.”
He constantly calls his co-workers stupid idiots who do not know what the hell is going on and if he were not there, the place would basically fall apart. I am sure he is good at what he does, but is always boasting now about either his work or sports or photography and it gets old very quickly.
Then he jumps from one idea to the next – “I want to go solo skydiving, go base jumping, do this, do that….(list goes on and on).
So now, reluctantly, he has finally told me he has met someone. As he calls her, “driven, intelligent, very busy, a great person and a bit intimidating to him.” But he was reluctant at first to tell me he has a girlfriend & don’t know why. (I’m glad for him) but he avoids my questions about virtually everything now, and never has before. I ask about his promotion at work and if he’s going to stay or what – no response. (again I could elaborate but this is getting VERY long).
Sometimes I wonder if he makes a lot of this up or exaggerates. I am happy that he (allegedly) has a girlfriend, and that he is (allegedly) up for promotion at work and I express that to him.
I have, in the past year, caught several lies he has told me in the past. I have not called him out on them, because at this point it’s in the past and a couple times when I did, he tap danced around them and wrapped them up in other lies so I don’t even bother anymore.
Another thing that strikes me a bit odd about him and relationships is that he demands the women he dates to be in open relationship, not to gain any weight (basically maintain a small figure aside from the monthly bloating as he told me), and a few other things. He even got into a scuffle on a social media site because he demanded his EX girlfriend (ex as of at least one year) to make sure if she goes out with anyone to have the guy contact him beforehand to clear it with him. Well, she blasted him online saying this was very controlling and that they have not been together in over a year and said it was very wrong of him to assert this ‘rule’ especially since they are not dating anymore. Well, when he told me, he said he was just trying to be gentleman-like to her…whatever that means.
Last I heard from him is that he insists that even though he may have a gf, he still wants us to be friends because we’ve be through a lot together and that I am him ‘sexy friend.’
OK, this has gotten way too long of a post – my apologies but thank you for reading if you got this far!
Any thoughts, feelings on dealing with him, or any advice in general would be great. I know this sounds like a lot of rambling and I am going to counseling (not for this) but this friendship will come up sooner or later. I guess to sum it up, I feel drained - emotionally drained, as they say, some people are emotional vampires and I think that's how I feel. We've been through a lot together but I don't want to feel so exhausted at the end of the day just because he texts me and all he talks about is him and what he's doing and how fantastic he's doing. When he asks about my day, he just fluffs over it and then the conversation reverts back to him.