Lost.. Don't know what to do, what to think. Help.[LONG, sorry]

[thechampanon]

Follow up- [url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/25418-lost-dont-know-what-do-what-think-help-long-sorry-2.html#post486567[/url] (August 29,2009)

also for the part below, the short story is... In 2008, exactly a year ago I pretty much fell in love with this girl. We never dated. We were friends. I ruined everything and got obsessed for 4 months. She got a boyfriend, then they broke up, and me and lindsey became best friends and still are. Click above for the continuation. It isn't long either..
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First off is names:
Lindsey- The girl I practically love. :oops:
Drew- Lindsey's first homecoming date
Elaine- Lindsey's best friend.
Samantha- Another of Lindsey's best friends.
Lindsey G.- One of my friends and one of Lindsey's friends.
Nick- My best friend.

The start
OK, so here is the story. I am 16 years old. 10th grade. Lindsey is 15 and 10th grade as well.

So it started around October 1st. I am talking to Nick about getting a date to homecoming and bring up Lindsey as a joke because one of my friends used to like her, so I was joking saying it'd make him pissed so I'll ask. At first, it was a joke.

Then over the next few days, me and Lindsey would laugh a lot, and we would talk a lot during Social Studies class. I thought maybe I really had a chance with this girl. I started to like her. And liked her a lot. She was so gorgeous, and she was comfortable to be around, and smart, and had common sense, and laughed at my jokes, etc.

But then, there was this other guy, Drew, who she had been texting a lot and her friend kept teasing her for liking him but she denied it. As the idiot I am, I gave Lindsey the benefit of the doubt. I decided to ask her the next Tuesday.

I ask. Here is when the problems arise
Right after class, I do what I now realize was stupid. Inbetween class, as she is going to walk into her next class (French), I stop her in the hallway, and I ask her to go to homecoming with me (October 11th). She says YES! I am so excited, the happiest I had felt in a very long time, and I am a happy person, so it was an incredible feeling.

Well, it was short lived... As soon as I get to lunch my friend Michael (who is in Lindsey's French class) tells me that Lindsey was saying to her classmates how I just asked her to homecoming and that she felt cornered and that she didn't know what to say and that she was really stressed, and she asked the * * * * * y girls (she isn't even friends with them!?) and of course they said she should have said no. There is a few others who know me who say I am a sweet guy, and that she did the right thing. [Lindsey is not popular, nor am I]

The next morning Lindsey comes to my locker and tells me we need to talk. It went kind of like this:

Me: "This is bad isn't it?"

Lindsey: "Yeah...I'm sorry, but I-" (I kinda cut her off)

Me: "So, you don't want to go to homecoming with me, do you?"

Lindsey: "I am really sorry, but there's this other guy-"

Me: So you do like Drew?

Lindsey: "Yeah, I'm really sorry. Can we still be friends?"

Me: "Yeah that's fine I understand, don't worry about it. But no awkward feelings between us right? We will really be friends?" (I say this in a pretty rattly voice, with a couple stutters here and there)

Lindsey: "Yeah, of course!"

Now she kept true to her promise. Yes, I was incredibly depressed, but once I get in S.S. class even though she hurt me, we still talk, and laugh and are still friends. Tensions are pretty low, and things are ok.

So, anyways, we go and hang out at BW3's. (Me, her, two of her friends, Drew, and two of my friends) I don't act myself, and I am really reserved. She was with her date and I wasn't too comfortable with her friends either.

Changes and the 2nd rejection
Now, later (maybe a week?) Drew tells her he doesn't want to go to homecoming with her. I never really knew how exactly she felt, but I will assume she felt as bad as I did when she switched on me. There is still a week until homecoming. For that week, I just do more of the same. Talk, and such.

It is Friday, the night before homecoming now. We are at the football game and I want to ask her again, but I puss out. I figure she will say yes this time because she said that she said no last time because of Drew, but now Drew is gone. Well since I pussed out when she was at the game, I end up calling her that night. Convo on the phone like so:

Me: "Hey Lindsey, it's my name"

Lindsey: " Oh, hey"

Me: "Umm.. I was wondering, you know since Drew isn't with you anymore and stuff, if you want to go to homecoming with me, I mean I figure since Drew is gone now and stuff..."

Lindsey: (Obviously sounding stressed) "Ohh... I don't know..."

Me: "I mean, if you don't want to it's ok. I really hate to pressure you like this. I shouldn't of asked. I'm so sorry."

Lindsey: "No it's okay... Umm.. I'd really rather go as just friends. "

Me: "OK, I understand, sorry. Bye."

Lindsey: "Sorry, bye"

Yeah, I am about to break down, but I can't because I am with my friends. I almost lose it though once I get home. I call her phone and leave a message asking her to please not tell anyone about this, since it is embarrassing. I guess she heard, and she never told anyone which I felt was nice of her. I get like 4 hours of restless sleep that night. Lowest point of my life? Homecoming is tomorrow.

Homecoming
Well, I wake up, and expect the day to be flat * * * * . Was I wrong. I try and look my best.

*skip forward*
OK, now we were in the same group for our homecoming group. We had it decided we would go as a group even before I asked her the first time to go with me.

I am sitting at the resteraunt with her friends and mine, waiting for Lindsey to show up. She arrives, and she is gorgeous. Stunning. They make her sit right next to me. It was an awkward dinner. We avoided looking at eachother and didn't exchange words to eachother really.

Well, now we are at the dance. It is the best time of my life. I hang out with her the whole time. I get the guts and courage and ask her to dance with me on the slow-dance, and she does. It was so perfect. My hands on her hips, her arms around me. I thought maybe it meant something. (Turns up no) We hung out the rest of the dance, and talked a lot, and had some laughs and we really got into our comfort zones and we were totally ourselves. It was like a dream.

After homecoming, and up to the present
So basically until now here is the story, her friends talk to her about giving me a chance. She insists no to her friends, and that she does not like me like that.

It is the week before fall break, and I want to talk to her about the situation, and we agree to have a talk on Fall Break. Well she got grounded for exceeding her texting limit by 1500, so we didn't talk all fall break since she was grounded.

So now we are at this week... Monday this week, I finally get it through my head, she doesn't like me, and I want to quit, but on the inside I don't. I still love her. Things are seeming pretty awkward since we haven't talked in so long, so we don't talk much in S.S. class, but her and Elaine are talking (Holy crap, Elaine is AN IDIOT!). Elaine thinks I have no idea what she is talking about with Lindsey. Well I do, and she is talking about with Lindsey how there is awkwardness and that we should just get this talk over with.

So here we are now.

I don't know what to do. I want to have the talk with her. And I think we will eventually. (soon I hope)

I am having an inner struggle within myself. I keep thinking about her, but I also want to move on. But I love her too. I don't know what I want. I want to talk to her, and want to do something, but I have no reason to rush anything, but above all I don't have a reason I should want to do anything if I want to move on and get over her.

Please offer some advice to me please... :confused::sad:

Things to keep in mind: She is VERY understanding and VERY mature. (One reason why I believe she thinks the talk would be good since I asked her if she thought it'd be a waste of her time, and she said "How could it be a waste of my time?")

[Vain]

Talk to her.

[Reaper33]

Well, I wouldn't move on just yet. Like Vain said, and like you've been saying to yourself, you gotta' talk to her! And be understanding too. Say something along the lines of, "I have strong feelings for you, and even if you don't feel the same now, maybe we could try?"

Now, she could say yes! Yay!

...

Or, she could say no. Whatever happens, it's not your fault. If things aren't too awkward for you, you guys can still just hang out. Her friends aren't helping you guys get closer either, to be honest... You could always go by my motto in that situation: "Expect the worst, hope for the best." Good luck!

[thechampanon]

Well, I wouldn't move on just yet. Like Vain said, and like you've been saying to yourself, you gotta' talk to her! And be understanding too. Say something along the lines of, "I have strong feelings for you, and even if you don't feel the same now, maybe we could try?"

Now, she could say yes! Yay!

...

Or, she could say no. Whatever happens, it's not your fault. If things aren't too awkward for you, you guys can still just hang out. Her friends aren't helping you guys get closer either, to be honest... You could always go by my motto in that situation: "Expect the worst, hope for the best." Good luck!

Thanks for the advice.

Will try that when we talk.

[Gribble]

Being in high school ****ing sucks. I feel for you, dude. I really do.

[thechampanon]

Well, we don't seem to talk much anymore in Social Studies class and right now we are supposed to be friends, and not feel awkward. (obviously we do feel awkward but we are supposed to at least act like there isn't any)

So, I want to break the ice and ask her why we don't talk in S.S. anymore.

How would I approach her in the hallway as she is walking to class?

Just "Hey Lindsey"
Lindsey: "Hey"
Me: "How come we don't take in S.S. anymore?"

And from there, is there anything I should mention that would break the ice a lot easier too?

Like how would I respond if she says "Idk" or something along those lines?

[IndiReloaded]

You're a mushroom? LOL.

[Gigabitch]

Me: "Yeah that's fine I understand, don't worry about it. But no awkward feelings between us right? We will really be friends?" (I say this in a pretty rattly voice, with a couple stutters here and there)
................

Me: "I mean, if you don't want to it's ok. I really hate to pressure you like this. I shouldn't of asked. I'm so sorry."
................

(One reason why I believe she thinks the talk would be good since I asked her if she thought it'd be a waste of her time, and she said "How could it be a waste of my time?")

Just "Hey Lindsey"
Lindsey: "Hey"
Me: "How come we don't take in S.S. anymore?"

And from there, is there anything I should mention that would break the ice a lot easier too?

Oy. This is, um, sweet and all, but I have to tell you, you are NEVER going to get anywhere like this. You're way too wimpy to be attractive to most girls.

You don't have to be a dick or anything, but if you seem as unsure of yourself in person as you do online, I can see why you're not making any progress with her.

It's all about confidence. If you don't have any, you've got to fake it 'till you make it, because it's crucial.

[Cbrider]

First off, High school is the trashcan before life starts. Get all your crappy memories and no so perfect events out while your there. I look back at high school and hate every minute of it. Its fully of drama and insecure/emotionally unstable people. Everyone is trying to form their social image and find their niche.

You want a stupid situation, how about when one of your closest friends asks the girl you want to ask to prom in front of not only you, but an entire class of people. Not only did he do it, he did it knowing I wanted to and so did the class.

I'm not generally one to be brutally honest, but I hate high school and teen years enough to save you some pain. Shes not mature and she doesn't know what she wants. Shes 15, there's nothing wrong with her or you, you're just too young to have your head on straight at this point. Let her go, the first one you fall for is always the hardest to let go.

High school blows, hang in there until you get to college or can go into bars/clubs/lounges/etc. Reaching the drinking age in and of itself does nothing for relationships, but it opens up a new level to social life.

[IndiReloaded]

First off, High school is the trashcan before life starts. Get all your crappy memories and no so perfect events out while your there. I look back at high school and hate every minute of it.

?? I loved high school! I still keep in touch with a couple of my high school friends. I had more social activities then than now: travelling, tennis, music, parties & clubs on weekends.

High school shouldn't be too serious, mind. Do well in your school work, yes, but its also a time to start learning about yourself & the world. I had way more of a life in high school than college, which was all work, work, work.

[thechampanon]

My confidence was through the roof before I asked her out the first time. After the other two rejections though, it crashed.

I guess I'll fake it right out my ass. haha

I hope it works...

[IndiReloaded]

Act as if you don't care, and it'll probably be fine. Good luck.

[thechampanon]

I asked her to go with me to the movies with two of my other friends (guy and girl)

She said she'd ask to see if she can go.

I am doubtful she will go and will probably lie and say she cannot go, but I suppose I'll find out tomorrow.

Going to see Quantum of Solace at 7:35 PM on Tuesday.

[carl1222]

Hi Champanon,

I'm getting the impression that you are fighting mother nature here ... but she's a mean b***h and she always wins.

She has already told her friend the dreaded words "I don't like him (meaning you) like that." Translation ... you don't make her hormones flow or her palms sweat (no "chemistry"). Sorry, it sucks.

Since she already values you very much as a friend, there is little you can show her about your personality that's likely kick her attraction towards you up a notch. But by being obsessive, you can certainly kick it down and make you both uncomfortable to boot.

Good luck

Carl.

[kabaniel]

High School relationships are tough dude. I was in a similar situation back when I was in High School. I liked a girl a lot and got put in the "friend zone". I told her how I felt about her and things were awkward for a while, but they got good again. We never actually dated or anything but we were best friends all through High School. Looking back on it now though, I feel as though I made the right choice. I think about what it woulda been like if we had dated in, say, our Sophmore year, and like so many other High School relationships, we would break up after a few months. I probably wouldnt have had her as a friend.

Look at it like this, (even if you don't want to, just consider it)
Either A: You ask her out and she says yes. HOORAY!! You 2 date for a while, it's all great, but you gotta remember its High School, and very few thigns last forever in High School
or...
B: You don't ask her out. You get your friendship back on track with her, take it slow, and see what happens in the future. If she truly does care about you, even only as a friend for now, you never know what could happen in the future.

Even if things don't work out with her, you'll find the right one eventually. Being young is the hardest part.