Advice needed Engagement?

[Jack774]

Hello everybody. I have a fairly lengthy and complicated situation. I have been dating for girlfriend for 6 years. We're 24. She was my first serious girlfriend right out of high school. She went away to college while I stayed home and we did a long distance relationship for 4 years. She has since moved home. I love her very much. She is my best friend and she is such a good person. She has become my pillar of strength and the only person that I know that I can count on.

Here is my issue. I love her but I'm not sure that I'm in love with her. As strange as this sounds we started dating by circumstance after high school. We were niave kids. I'm not proud of what I'm admitting by any means but I have cheated on her 3 times and she doesn't know it. The first was 4 years ago at a bar. The second time I wasn't really cheating. My girlfriend and I were going through a very tough time and I felt as though she was pushing me away. I started seeing another girl and told my girlfriend all about this and my desire to end our relationship. Something bad then happened in my life and my girlfriend was there for me. I ended things with the other girl and I stayed with my girlfriend.

I cheated on her again 4 months later with a coworker. It lasted a few weeks before my conscience got the best of me. I know that this was a terrible thing to do to her. I know this. That was 2 and a half years ago. Since then I have stayed faithful to her. A huge problem in our relationship is our sexual relationship. She is not at all a very sexual person and I am. We have sex only 6-10 times a year because all sorts of reasons that she comes up with. It's no fault of mine either as I am a very considerate partner. All of our friends around us are getting married and this has caused her to push the issue. In July I finally decided that I am ready to committ to her. I bought her a very expensive ring and plan to propose to her on Christmas.

Here is a new problem in my life. There was a job opening in my office that I had the responsibility to fill. I interviewed some candidates and in walked the daughter of someone I know. As soon as I saw this girl I was immediately attracted to her. She, in my eyes, is the perfect girl. The kind that I've always put together in my head when I thought about the perfect girl. I hired her because of the relationship I had with her parent. Since her first day we hit it off. We laugh and joke for 8 hours a day. She thinks I'm a great guy because I help her with her homework (grad school) every week. Everytime I see this girl I get butterflies and I spend so much time with her that when I'm not with her all that I do is think about her.

If you saw my girlfriend and then saw me you would laugh because we are 100% opposite people. This new girl seems like the type that I would be with. We match. She's not so innocent and neither am I. A few weeks ago before leaving for the weekend she kissed her hand and then grabbed mine to say goodbye. An electric force went through my body. It was that feeling that I haven't felt in years. I'm not sure if she is interested in me and I haven't really thought of pursuing this because I'm her immediate supervisor and I'm planning on getting engaged. This morning we were talking about my impending engagement. She asked me to bring the ring in for all to see. She then told me that she was going to wear it around the office all day. I didn't really know how to respond so I was silent until she said I'm just kidding, I would be furious if someone did that to me. I don't know what to do.

I do love my girlfriend but I'm afraid that if I marry her then I will always wonder who else is out there in life. I'm not sure that I've lived enough to committ to this person. I think that this new girl was introduced in my life to stop me from making a mistake. I've thought about pursuing a relationship with this new girl because even though I'm her supervisor this is my job and not my career. I just obtained a MA and am looking for higher work that I should be obtaining very soon.

What does everyone suggest that I do? Do I propose to my girlfriend? Do I wait a while? Do I pursue a relationship with the other girl? I told myself that I would never cheat on my girlfriend again and this is a promise that I'm going to keep. For as long as I live I will never cheat on her again. If the opportunity for a relationship is there with the other girl then I would break ties with my girlfriend to do it. I know that I sound like a huge jerk but I'm just such a confused huge jerk.... Please help me. Thank you.

[snoz]

confused? so you should be. You obviously don't love your current gf enough. You're right in you were just naive kids, it's over and you know it and you're just afraid to lose something that you've had for so long.

Try being single for a while, it'll help you both out.

[ny2468]

See this thread, similar situation. I am in a similar situation to the following, at least other are going through something like I am.
[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/25847-i-know-im-going-get-bashed-but.html[/url]

You obviously don't love your current gf enough.

I cannot fully subscribe to that, I love my ex (yes, you can love someone you are not with), but curiosity forced me to take a break, now the question is when will my curiosity be satisfied and will she will be around?

[Jack774]

Does anyone else have an opinion for my situation?

[Indignant]

yes, don't get married yet. you are too young. if you do then you might be regretting not experimenting with others.

[bluesummer]

I think you're too young to commit to this gf of yours. I also think you owe it to her NOT to propose since you've cheated on her a few times. Can you imagine if she ever found out? Yuck.

It took me years to realize this, but I fully believe now that young people shouldn't be worried about serious relationships and should date around - get to know the full scope of what's out there. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life wondering what you're missing? Why not go and find out and THEN you can make a commitment to someone with a clear conscience. Just because all your friends are getting married doesn't mean YOU have to.....and don't let your gf guilt trip you into it. You're way too myoung to be considering such things.

To be honest, I think you should take a shot at the girl you're interested in. But for god'as sake, break up with your gf first this time.

[Jack774]

Thank you for your advice everyone. I've been feeling what you have all been saying. I firmly believe that my girlfriend is the perfect person to build a family with. Unfortunately I feel guilty about wanting more than a future family right now. I've been avoiding the girl at my work but I was forced to work in a close situation with her all day. We talked and laughed alllll day long. She was asking me a lot of questions about my girlfriend and our relationship. She was also telling me about her past relationship which recently ended and how great it was not to have to worry about a serious relationship at this point in her life.

I have a question for you all. When the girl said that she was going to wear the engagement ring around all day, does that mean anything? I know that the old superstition is that the girl who tries on another girls engagement is the girl that steals her fiance. Am I stretching this or do you think that she had this in mind?

[Jack774]

Every Friday night I get this sinking feeling that I won't see the girl at my work all weekend. I then have to put a smile on and spend a night with my girlfriend. Does anyone else have any words of wisdom? I picked up the engagement ring yesterday. I brought it into work to show some friends and the girl just kept telling me how much she wanted it and how she is so lucky to have me. Little does she know or maybe not that I want her in the worst way but can't act on it.

[Gigabitch]

A few weeks ago before leaving for the weekend she kissed her hand and then grabbed mine to say goodbye. .....This morning we were talking about my impending engagement. She asked me to bring the ring in for all to see. She then told me that she was going to wear it around the office all day.

Wow, that was really inappropriate.

I firmly believe that my girlfriend is the perfect person to build a family with.

Nah. You can't even be faithful to her NOW, before you have all of the added pressures of family life. You need somebody who can satisfy you at home and who would give you more reason than guilt not to cheat. Cheating destroys families- this is not your future wife. I think you need someone who would keep you in line.

When the girl said that she was going to wear the engagement ring around all day, does that mean anything?

Yeah, it means she's extremely disrespectful of your commitment. Yes, you've probably given her all kinds of green lights, but she's the one going for it.

I say break up with your girlfriend and give her an opportunity to find someone who doesn't cheat on her. Have a fling with the new girl- hell, why not? Just don't think of her as girlfriend material. She wouldn't respect a commitment to you any more than she respects the one you allegedly have with your gf.

Some might say that you and the new girl deserve each other, but I'm optimistic that you're not a dyed-in-the-wool jerk, just a guy in the wrong relationship.

[Jack774]

Thank you so much Gigabitch. I really really really don't ever want to cheat on her again especially if we have a family. One of my biggest fears is to become as you said a dyed in the wool jerk. I've never broken up with her because I'm afraid of hurting her. I just feel selfish for wanting to make myself happy here. Within the last few years the rose colored glasses have come off and I see that a lot of marriages aren't happy. It's really important to find the right person. I'm not sure that I have. She might be happy but I'm not.

The girl at work is wild and completely opposite from my conservative girlfriend. I feel as though I missed out on a lot of good years while with my girlfriend and I'm done being babysat. I can't help but think that this girl from work entered my life when she did for a reason. A lot of the things she says and does are inappropriate but she too is a good person. Just not as mature as my girlfriend. I guess that at this point I'm afraid of being alone. I don't want to regret breaking up with my girlfriend if this girl at work isn't interested. She has given signs but she could just be a flirt and enjoy the chase. I am her boss and I am engaged. I feel pathetic that I have this sinking feeling about her when I know that I won't see her. I just can't shake it...