celibacy - going on 2months?

[PussyCatDoll]

hi guys

background info: in December bf and I will have been together 3 years. Both 20
we only started making out about a year-ish ago, because of religious reasons.

on 1st September the bf and I made a deal for 1month we would remain celibate. This was due to religious reasons as well. During that time someone really close to him died, and he we went through a depressed phase and basically came out of it with a new attitude to life, which includes remaining celibate until marriage. (which we're thinking of doing at 23).

so i'm ok with this whole celibacy thing because making out was getting pretty hot and heavy and i'm pretty sure we would've ended up intercourse.

so we've been celibate from 1st september, but its getting to a point where i want some form of love from him.

i mean we have no making out, no pecking and practically no cuddling. Its mostly holding hands and 'baby stuff' you do when you first meet someone.

if i try to initiate anything more intense then a cuddle/hand hold he gets, dare i say it, frigid.

apart from this our relationship and friendship is fine. i just don't know how to deal with this at the moment.
any suggestions?

please don't start religion bashing, i've accepted him but i don't really know how to deal with this.

[vashti]

I take it what you want primarily is affection (rather than sexual pleasure). If this is the case, there really is no solution for your problem. This is why so many religious young people get married so young... your bodies are sexually mature, and you are defying biological drives.

[lesa]

any suggestions?

Give me his number.

[miSSleepy]

hi guys

background info: in December bf and I will have been together 3 years. Both 20
we only started making out about a year-ish ago, because of religious reasons.

on 1st September the bf and I made a deal for 1month we would remain celibate. This was due to religious reasons as well. During that time someone really close to him died, and he we went through a depressed phase and basically came out of it with a new attitude to life, which includes remaining celibate until marriage. (which we're thinking of doing at 23).

someone died and you decided to stop having sex? Fair enough if someone died from drug OD or speeding, and you gave up drugs and driving...but what has sex got to do with it? What good are you doing, and what are you trying to prove by not having sex?

Look, I'll keep out, because i probably will start bashing. But seriously...pleasure is not a sin.

[blackzj52]

woooooowwwwww.
apparently were all going to hell cuz wev made out before. lol
and some people wonder why im so not religious...

sorry but i find many things related to religion, quite frankly, dumb as hell.
and now im done ranting. believe me i could go on for hours about religion. but for ur sake i wont..
i will tell you this tho.
tell him to stop being a pussy and do something, otherwise, he should just cut his nuts off.

edit: wait.. u guys didnt make out until 2 years in???? wow
my ex and i made out for 2 hours STRAIGHT about a week before we started dating...... idk how ur letting urself be deprived like this.

[Mish]

if i try to initiate anything more intense then a cuddle/hand hold he gets, dare i say it, frigid.

apart from this our relationship and friendship is fine. i just don't know how to deal with this at the moment.
any suggestions?

please don't start religion bashing, i've accepted him but i don't really know how to deal with this.

This is going to be very difficult for you, because what you will have to do is reverse some of the Religious reasons which are making him act this way. You are going to have to find within you and convince him of reasons that a person can be Religious and yet at the same time be affectionate to his partner before marriage. The two are not mutually exclusive. Given your history and Religious background I imagine this will be very hard.

[vashti]

I disagree with the idea of trying to change his mind. You are both religious, and this is what is considered normal for your culture. Frankly, I admire your willpower and your commitment to higher priniciples, and I think if you make an issue out of it, you risk alienating him. What he is asking is hardly unusual, given your religious beliefs and family background. If you can't stand it, you should consider moving the wedding date up.

MsSleepy - I believe pussycatdoll misspoke about being celibate because of the death... to the best of my knowledge, they are both still virgins. She considers celibacy to be no intimate contact at all.

[Bokonon]

Tell him how you feel.

[glow]

hi there my family is religious and i am slightly so maybe i can shed some light on how you're feeling?
personally yes, to addressing the situation. tell him how you're feeling, you need something more than just touching hands occasionally.
this is his problem essentially, if he can not go on to anything more than that without having to go into this sexual fit of rage then he has an actual problem which he needs to get a reign on.
now you guys have been together for a long time but maybe you 2 are looking for totally different things in your relationship.
one of my best guy friends is 24 and a virgin and has dated many a girl who weren't and the love of his life who is 26 refuses to do more than hold hands until she's married.... taking that step in one night? sounds like a lot to handle.
perhaps you're better suited to someone else if you're not having as much of a problem with the situation as he is.
and yes, i don't understand the correlation between a friend dying and cutting off anything physical? does he feel he was sinning and as a result his friend died because then there is something awfully wrong with him.
sweetie, find someone new.
and DON'T jump into a marriage because you're hoping for more out of this either.

[vashti]

I don't think it is at all odd he recommit to his religious identity after the death of someone close... it's at times like those a person seeks meaning in life, and for a lot of people, that means religion/God/tradition.

[PussyCatDoll]

I disagree with the idea of trying to change his mind.

MsSleepy - I believe pussycatdoll misspoke about being celibate because of the death... to the best of my knowledge, they are both still virgins. She considers celibacy to be no intimate contact at all.

i wouldn't try to change him because if he tried to change me, i'd be pissed as hell, and besides i'm proud of him for sticking to what he believes.

and yes, we're both still virgins and when i said celibacy i meant no intimate contact at all.

[Gigabitch]

This is a great opportunity to see what you have to offer each other besides physical intimacy. See it as a plus- most young couples are so busy tonguing each other all over that they never get the chance to get to know each other at all.

Aren't you lucky?

[PussyCatDoll]

Aren't you lucky?

very

[Junket]

Well, the good thing is, you haven't had sex yet, so you don't really know what you're missing. Because if you did, you probably wouldn't have considered abstaining.

The bad thing is you're lacking a very fundamental aspect of a romantic relationship.

What are you guys, just friends?

Without emotional intimacy (your comfort level of bringing this up and finding a reasonable alternative), or physical intimacy you might as well be good ol' pals.

You're 18 and you want to wait until 23? I will tell you, you'll get frustrated and bored long before you reach 20 if you don't fix this soon.

[Mish]

The bad thing is you're lacking a very fundamental aspect of a romantic relationship.

What are you guys, just friends?

Without emotional intimacy (your comfort level of bringing this up and finding a reasonable alternative), or physical intimacy you might as well be good ol' pals.

You're 18 and you want to wait until 23? I will tell you, you'll get frustrated and bored long before you reach 20 if you don't fix this soon.

I agree with the above^^^

If you can't be intimate with your partner why be in a romantic relationship at all? It kinda defeats the purpose of being in a relationship in the first place. The relationship will become a dull duty and you will feel like you are with a friend, but definetly not a partner.