Well I just about broke up with my fiance tonight.
She and I were going out for nearly 5 months and it was going pretty good, no major fights or anything, some minor periods where she would get pissy, usually around her period, but overalll it was pretty solid.
We have a few differences though, such as her being morman (im not), shes more conservative politically, she isn't quite on my intellectual level at times (doesnt deep think or get into "Smart" disccusion much-mostly giggly stuff) and she isn't going to college or aspriing for anything better at the moment than a day job. I am 22 she is 18, so i can cut her some slack in deciding what to do.
Also a lot of times the relationship breaks down into physical, sex, cuddling etc, almost overemphasized because we can't talk about a whole lot of stuff, and her usual conversation isn't extemly enthralling or thought provoking.
Now, she is my first real g/f so I didn';t have any prior experience really, which leads me to why we may break up.
Recently, we seem to get into these little spats, nothing too serious but most seem to be her overblowing situations, such as I thought she was at a friends house, and it turned out she wasn't, so she thought I wasn't listening and started calling me out about how i say I am a good listener then I Do this. Me being pretty easy going I dont see what the big deal is, Its not like I forgot to pick her up or something or missed an anniversary-no harm no foul in my mind.
Then today she threw a little mini-tantrum over me laying on her bed with my socks on her clean clothes, which I didn't notice I did at the time. This led to me cuddling with her in the corner trying to figure out what the hell is the matter.
Now a little more backstory on Michelle, she had an sexually abusive father/neighbor, a
divorce, a large family with some added sibling turmoil, shes the youngest child, has brain damage from falling off a truck in highschool ( mainly memory problems and headaches now and again). She has seen numerous counselors in the past, nearly flunked out of highschool and is now living with her mom after leaving her dad's place.
Part of me REALLy wants to stay with her, shes very unique, funny, kind, generous, cute person who I had a blast with the past few months. But another part of me is put off by her hissy fits /mood swings she throws for really no justifiable reason
Her main crux as she said to me before I left her place was she thoght I am mean sometimes and didn't realize it, which is something pretty rediculous. Sure I may poke fun and jest, but I am probably one of the nicest people Michelle has EVER known. I think she was very upset over my telling her she has anger managment problems which she scarily denies (imagine cataonic glare repeating "No i don't" over and over) when her counselor and other people including HERSELF have admited to having verbal agression among other anger issues.
So I dunno, I sat long and hard thinking about now I may be "free" to find another lover,someone more my age, mental lvl etc, someone more easy going and not so stressed out from past issues-im not perfect man myself, I have had depression problems on and off as well as anxiety.
It just hurts really bad, and the mindset I had of us together, apartment, marriage, kids, jobs etc is wracking my brain trying to realize that may not come true. She remarked that maybe we aren't meant to be , and she may be right, although a few months earlier she swore we were soulmates, so who knows....time changes things.
It's like I have invested too much love, tears and sweat itno Michelle ot just throw it away over her getting tissy fits now and again, or her apparent reasoning of me being "mean" or inconsiderate.
I dunno, but it feels good venting and thinking this stuff through. And I am very nervous that my luck won't be very good in finding another from my past track record, but now that I have some experience under my belt I may do bettter, but at leastr online dating didn't work very well, but I guess it's better than being with someone your not meant to be with.