Does my married friend like me?

[Vivvy]

He’s colleague from work and since we met a year ago we’ve been getting closer and closer. The only problem is that he’s married and I’m of course reluctant to initiate anything. As there are mixed signals and I’ve got to the stage where I’m having trouble looking at it objectively, I would like someone to tell me whether he likes me or not!

This may be long-winded, but I want you to have a clear-ish picture of what’s gone on…

When we met I wasn’t attracted to him, but he started to pay me a lot of attention in work, talking to me a lot, always sitting next to me in the staff room during our lunch breaks and my feelings changed after a month or so. His body language is always very suggestive of him liking me (legs crossed towards me etc, etc.), he stands close to me when we talk and frequently leans right in to my ear to say things quietly. He started to confide in me frequently, about work stresses and his family, although never his marriage. He has told me very intimate details about his upbringing that I know he wouldn’t tell just anyone. People in work have also started to jokingly say we must be having an affair because we're always together.

He goes out of his way to spend time with me… for example, on one occasion another male colleague offered to drive me to a meeting venue and he asked me to go with him instead, even though I told him it was all arranged. He wanted me to give him directions, he said, even though he had a Sat Nav. The other male colleague relented and I ended up going with him. He used the Sat Nav the whole way there and I barely gave him any directions!

We walk back to our cars together at the end of every day, then one day he suggested going for a coffee. This one-off coffee has turned into a weekly trip to the bar where we spend two hours chatting intimately and gossiping, before he tells me his wife will be expecting him and leaves.

He compliments me often… just last week he told me I had lovely teeth and many times he has told me he couldn’t do without me because I “prop him up”.

He asked me for my phone number a couple of months ago and texts me about once a fortnight. Once he texted me all the way through a wedding he was attending.

The only things I can think of that suggest he doesn’t like in that way, are the fact that he’s quite a moral person and it seems unlikely he would cheat; he has told his wife about me – I met her once and she seemed to know everything about me – and I wouldn’t expect him to be so open if he liked me; and he never touches me ever, not on the arm or shoulder or anything. We hugged once, however, at the end of a Christmas party. He kept it going a little bit longer than I intended to and whispered in my ear that he was grateful for all my support this year and that he couldn't have kept going without me. He had had a few by then, though!
Sometimes I think that if I were his wife I would want to kill me!

So what is this? Are we just really good friends? Because it certainly doesn’t feel that way to me. Advice please!!

[Wakeup]

He's married! That should be enough for you to go on the assumption that he doesn't like you in the way you think he does. You are setting yourself up to be emotionally disturbed so back off and give this man the CLEAR signal that you have more self-worth and personal boundaries in place that you'd NEVER get with a man that can't be 100% yours. Do you want to spend all your holidays and birthdays alone while he spends that time with his wife and family if he has one?

Grow up little girl and smell the coffee. Dont' be another one of those women that let a man have his cake and eat it too.

[Vivvy]

Thanks for your reply. I'm not necessarily saying I'd let anything happen, but I just want some opinions from other people on whether they think he does like me, so that I can decide what to do next. I wouldn't want to bring something up only for it to be completely unfounded.

[Wakeup]

Oh, dear. Who are you trying to kid, us or yourself? You don't have to "do" a thing and you definately don't have to know if he "likes" you in order to not do a thing that is remotely going to let him know how you think he feels, how you currently feel or how you hope he feels.

He's a married man and all you have to do is keep that in mind and back away from all the things you do as if you were courting one another. He's married. Stop going to drinks with him alone, He's married. Stop fantasizing and replaying your little flirty behaviour with one another in your head. Stop responding to his after hours text or, at the very least keep them about your job and the work you do there. He's married. Stop trying to make this something more than what it is. Because if you don't, then you will be stuck in your crush for him and you will fail to find your own man that is absolutely free to be with you.

You come across as having a huge crush on him.. now if I'm incorrect there and you just want him to stop because you're thinking he's the one with the crush, then just do this and say NOTHING: Stop doing things with him that are inappropriate and that you wouldn't want your own husband doing if you were his wife. Respect yourself for goodness sakes and turn off your brain about him and shut down any inappropriate activities that you'd not want your husband doing with an opposite sex co-worker. Understand what I'm getting at here, Viv?

[kamani]

I agree with Wakeup "Because if you don't, then you will be stuck in your crush for him and you will fail to find your own man that is absolutely free to be with you." You are wasting your time on a married man and you'd become the other W, if you don't back away right now.

It's much likely an "emotional affair" and the red flags are already on. He'll never leave his wife. Please apply for a transfer or chage jobs. Seeing him everyday, you may find it difficult to resist the feelings. No woman wants her husband be robbed and no woman likes to be the other W.

[mrFrog]

If he likes you, he'll show that. But it is better if you find for single guys. Getting involve with a married guy will lead you to nowhere.

[MsAdele]

It seems as if he is using you as an emotional crutch when he is at work and doesnt want to be burdening his wife with his problems yet he is able to go home to his wife and family in the evening after work with a clear conscience. You know yourself this is not appropriate behaviour for a married man, you are only falling for him because he is giving you so much attention. You will need to take a step back from this man and stop meeting him in the pub and stop with the texts - this must bother his wife even though she may not say it. You should look for a man who can give you his undivided attention because this work colleague cannot. You should also think of your job - if other people are noticing this then you will get a reputation at work which you do not want. You know what the right thing to do is so just do it.

[lylufy]

Sometime in your life, you meet someone make you feel alot of interesting, romance and happy feelings.
In this situation, you and your colleague certainly have an affair (but in mind, not yet in bed).
Your colleague like you in a special level, not only friend.
But, both of you must understand that : Is that love? or only an attractive feeling between you two?
It is very easy to misunderstand this feeling. You think he like you, vice versa.
But, may be, your feeling is simple that you feel curious and a litter risk when you have close relationship with a married man!
True love form passing over challenges together !
Hope you find your true way !