I just had my first affair and I want to understand my lovers feelings and mine

[Chicaplatense]

I have been married for 16 years and have never cheated on my husband. Marriage started going bad about 5 years ago and even though my husband and I still love each other we have been miserable for a long time.

I was working an event as a commercial model at the Gun Show and I get to meet lots of guys at these events. I met this German guy and we seemed to click right away. From the very first moment I saw him I thought he was sooo cute and he had a huge smile as he stared at me. We talked a lot and he asked me to take a picture with him. He followed me around throughout the event, asked me if he could hold my drink, rubbed my back when I was cold, and before he left he came back to give me a hug and say goodbye. I gave him my bussiness card and he gave me his. By the time I got home there was already an e-mail for me from him asking me out.

The following day he texted me often throughout the day saying how his thoughts kept going back to me. The following day I was out and about so we met at the mall just for 20 minutes. We sat together and all he could do was stare at me the whole time and smile. He was a little shaky and blushing and kept squirming around. He said he didn't remember the last time a woman made him so nervous. When I told him I was married he said he didn't mind, he travels around the world so relationships have never worked for him, he never spends more than a couple of weeks in one location. I left without either of us knowing if I would be able to make it to see him again. He kept texting me after that and saying how stupid he felt because when he looked at me he could not talk as he was so nervous. He said he had wanted to kiss me but didn't want to get me in trouble. He texted all day saying he missed me, texted to say good night, texted me as soon as he woke up. I really wanted to see him again so I saw him the second day. I also had texted him and told him everything about my marriage and my troubles and he listened, asked questions and offered adivce. He also told me about his life and his relationships. He honestly told me he was burned out with relationships because women had always wanted to trap him and change him but he is a free spirit, doesn't stay in one place. I did not care because I was not planning on leaving my husband. The second day I saw him we actually kissed. We just saw each other for 20 minutes again. He kissed me passionately and then so sweetly and softly and caressed me. We said good bye and he went to California for a day.

He texted me while driving. Said he had a "slight crush" on me. Texted me about everything he was doing in California, eating, arrriving at hotel, going to sleep, missing me. Then he said he was coming back to Vegas and reserved a room with his friend so he could stay an extra day to see me. He said he wanted to be alone with me. I asked him not to have sex with me even if I acted like I wanted to. He said it would be really hard for him but that he would do it for me. When I went to see him at the hotel it was clear that this was the last time I would see him and he would depart the following morning. Once alone he hugged me so sweetly, I could tell he wanted to do more but did not advance on me. He just hugged me and laid his head on my chest and closed his eyes like a child would. Looked at me intently in my eyes. We did this for like 2 hours. I really wanted him to advance but he wouldn't. I made every move and stripped all the way down to my thong and undressed him all the way down to his underwear. He touched me, and caressed me dry humped upon me encouraging him to. It felt so special. I was going to leave but he asked me to give him a 10 minute warning because he needed to "prepare psychologically" for me to leave him and say good bye. He said that I was special to him and I would always have a "little place" in his heart. But I was regretting not having experienced him fully.

When I turned my cell phone back on I saw that he had texted me late at night saying that he didn't sleep, he just sat in bed with a bear thinking about me all night. I decided that I wanted to go all the way so I made a last escapade that morning before he left to go back. He wasn't expecting to see me one last time. That day we did have sex. Foreplay lasted for about 2 hours again with him touching me, caressing me and kissing me so sweetly. But when it came time for actual sex we had difficulties. I felt like he wasn't all the way hard. I felt bad. We showered together and I tried to suck him but it still did not feel like he was hard enough. I did not want to leave without pleasuring him because he had pleasured me so much. He finally came after I stroked him with my hand and seemed to really enjoy it. He said to me that he probably wasn't as good as I expected because it takes him a while to get used to someone new. Said he wanted to keep in touch with me.

Hours later he texted me saying he was missing me already while he was at the airport. I texted him later saying how guilty I felt and that I thought I was a slut for having sex with a man I just met 7 days before. He said that to him it was more than sex and that it was more than attraction and that he had feelings for me. He said he could not however explain his feelings but that he felt connected to me and that I was special to him. I asked him how many women he had special feelings for and he said that besides me in his life there were 2-3 other women that he had feelings for. He said that because of how much he travels it is really hard for him to find a woman that will take him for what he is without trying to change him.

Because I am married and I am not looking for relationship this works for me but I do have special feelings for him and I want to understand them. I also want to undertand his feelings for me. I wonder if I have just been played or if he truly feels something for me. Sex with him was sweet but the actual penetration act was disappointeing for both of us. However the sweet feelings prevail. Does anyone have any input on what just happened to me with this man?

[Lissy0404]

First you are married... So is wrong that you are seeking another man. Figure out first what is the problem with your marriage, before you can understand what is the problem with this man.