Want to marry a financially poor girl but parents dislike her

[arslan89]

Hi all,
Hope everyone is doing fine. Its almost been a year and half since my fiancee broke up her relation with me due to some family issues. After six months of breakup when I was sad and don't know what should I do, I started talking to another girl. This girl and I were doing online studies so we used to talk on skype to discuss our study related issues with each other. Then one day we exchanged our phone numbers. After that we started texting and talking with each other on phone and became good friends. She lives in another city. Then one day I went to her city to see her. That was our first date. After a few months I told her I want to get married to her and she also expressed her opinion that she want to marry to me too. I also talked about this to my mom and she visited her house to see her family. Now its been a year we are continuously talking over phone. I love her and she also tells me that she love me too. I am 23 years old and she is 27. She is a good looking girl and I am good looking guy too. That girl belongs to a poor family. I belong to a middle class family. I do a middle level job and live with my mom. The problem is that my mother wants me to wait for another 2 or 3 years and get married to a rich girl but I want to marry this girl. My mother also says that this girl is 4 years elder than me and they don't have their own house. Mother says she and her family will become my liability to pay her family's house rents and other expenses. I am financially not stable enough to pay such major expenses. Now I am totally confused and don't know what should I do. I don't want to go against my mother's wish and I also don't want to leave that girl. That girl wants to get married to me very soon but I don't have even enough money to marry her. The girl told me she can't wait further to get married to me and she also tells me that if I can't marry to her than I should tell her so that she can tell to her parents. She said to me that I could find any other good girl of my choice if I can't marry her. Please suggest me what should I do. Your suggestion and comments are very precious for me.

[Boisdevie]

1. You hardly know this girl so marriage is a bad idea even if you think she's wonderful. You've not been together long enough.
2. Would you have to pay for the other family if you got married? Or is your mum talking bullshit.

[arslan89]

yes its been a year since we are talking to each other but we met just one time. My mother meant that they are already poor and are living in a rented house. They can't afford their house rent so my gf's sister husband pay their house rent. This is why my mother said that you will also have to pay their expenses like rent etc.

1. You hardly know this girl so marriage is a bad idea even if you think she's wonderful. You've not been together long enough.
2. Would you have to pay for the other family if you got married? Or is your mum talking bullshit.

[arslan89]

Please someone help me on this post. Please please I'm so much confused over this.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Do what makes you happy. Don't make a life decision to please your parents.

[arslan89]

Don't you think my this act will hurt my parents' feelings. I also don't want to go against my parents opinion because parents always think good about their children.What you say

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I say you're a dope.

It's your life, so you should decide who you are going to spend it with. Not your parents. It's not fair for them to make you feel guilty for making a decision that makes you happy, but they will probably try. Just tell them that you're sorry to hurt their feelings, but you have to do what's best for you. They'll probably come to respect it. Your parents will eventually die and iff you don't put your foot down, then they'll walk over you until they die, and then who are you going to have to tell you what to do with the rest of your life?

[Ladybuggg]

you barely know her.and I. dont like the way u talk about her being poor.I think you need to listing to your mom cause u want to make a childish step.mary someone is serrieus its not what u see on cartoon network.and guys gets later on mature often. and she is way older so that will be a big issue when u really get to know her

[arslan89]

Yes I know its my life and I should do whatever makes me happy. But in our society everyone respects their parents and people here don't take any step without consent of their parents. If I marry that girl without consent of my mom dad then people will start hating me because they will think I have done a big mistake by ignoring my parents consent. Another problem is my gf's parents will not let their daughter marry to me without acceptance of my parents. Her parents will only be agree for our marriage if my parents are willing to accept this relationship for me.

I say you're a dope.

It's your life, so you should decide who you are going to spend it with. Not your parents. It's not fair for them to make you feel guilty for making a decision that makes you happy, but they will probably try. Just tell them that you're sorry to hurt their feelings, but you have to do what's best for you. They'll probably come to respect it. Your parents will eventually die and iff you don't put your foot down, then they'll walk over you until they die, and then who are you going to have to tell you what to do with the rest of your life?

I know I don't know her for a long period but she seems to be a good girl. I just used word poor because my parents think that I should get married to some rich girl for well being of my future. They think if I get married to a poor girl then I will have to suffer all my life in poverty and I could never own a house. Now my mom has left decision on me. Today my mom said to me to do whatever I want to do and whatever my wish is. Moreover mom said that if you really want to get married to her than I will come with you to their home and will talk to her parents to fix date of marriage. Now I think will I have to really suffer from poverty and bad circumstances over all my life because I would not like to let her feel sad due to financial non stability after marriage. Gf is forcing me to send my mom to her house very soon so that her parents and my mom can fix date for wedding. What to do?

you barely know her.and I. dont like the way u talk about her being poor.I think you need to listing to your mom cause u want to make a childish step.mary someone is serrieus its not what u see on cartoon network.and guys gets later on mature often. and she is way older so that will be a big issue when u really get to know her

[VincenzoG91]

If the opinion of your parents is so damn important, why don't you just let them pick out a girlfriend for you?

[arslan89]

Yes I think you're right. But you know I don't want to make a wrong decision in my life. I don't want to regret over my decision during all of my remaining life. Moreover due to only my wish all of my family members will stop talking to me if I took this decision. I feel I'm in trouble because at the other hand I've made promises to my gf that we will get married soon. There is also a bit caste problem between both our families because both of us have different caste so her parents could be problematic on the basis of difference of our caste.

If the opinion of your parents is so damn important, why don't you just let them pick out a girlfriend for you?

[bcgirl]

Your mother is right. Firstly, you r 23. Still very young to even think about marriage. You are no where near financially ready to prepare for a marriage. You can't even buy her a ring for goodness sakes! Secondly, you barely know her. Yes it's all rainbows and butterflies right now, you two are infatuated with each other....but this is not reAlity. Someone needs to burst both your bubbles off of cloud 9. Why not stArt out by moving in with each other and see if you two are infancy compatible. You two can realize that it's very very different living in different cities texting and talking on Skype together than it is living together

[arslan89]

Your mother is right. Firstly, you r 23. Still very young to even think about marriage. You are no where near financially ready to prepare for a marriage. You can't even buy her a ring for goodness sakes! Secondly, you barely know her. Yes it's all rainbows and butterflies right now, you two are infatuated with each other....but this is not reAlity. Someone needs to burst both your bubbles off of cloud 9. Why not stArt out by moving in with each other and see if you two are infancy compatible. You two can realize that it's very very different living in different cities texting and talking on Skype together than it is living together

I have same views like you. I shouldn't think about marriage until I get 25 or 26. Because I have recently completed my Master degree so within two or three years I will get a better job with handsome salary. At that time I could also be able to support my marriage expenses. But she doesn't know all this. She keeps talking to me all the time about our marriage. I think marriage is her favourite topic for discussion. I keep telling her that we shall get married as soon as I get a better job so that I could easily arrange some money to handle expenditures and so that my parents will be also in a position to support me at that time. But she says she wants to get married to me within two to three months. She keep asking me to bring my mother to their home and talk to their parents about marriage. Well as far as moving together is concerned. In our society a girl and boy can't meet or see each other without any relation so no one will let us to move together. She barely agrees to see me once in a year because she is not allowed to go outside of her residence.

[bcgirl]

Well most girls have been planning their marriage since they were like 4 yrs old. They watch all those romantic movies, fairy tales etc. not to mention girls are wired to want stability because they do have a biological clock tickin... But, many do not know the realistic views of marriage. It ain't like those fairy tales of princess and prince, kiss, get married and live happily ever after

[arslan89]

Yes you're right. What would you suggest me should I tell her everything truth that I'm not gonna marry her straightforwardly or should I leave the things as it is.