I'm going to try my best to make this as short as possible.
My Fiance and I have been together for a little over two years, and things have been pretty good for the most part. People used to say we were a perfect couple. It was almost a fairy-tale style romance. We kind of ran away together to be together, (which I suppose could be an additional underlying cause of the problem, though I know her ex used to complain about her jealousy, so I don't know) and everything just seemed so perfect at first. The jealousy issue started pretty early on, but we were so in love that we would sort of talk about the issue for a bit and I'd reassure her and that would be that. After a while though our little confrontations would happen more and more frequently. Perhaps I should clarify these events a little.
I've never been one to gawk at girls, even when I was single, I never do anything that could be considered suspicious (I never hide or delete phone activity, never hid my inbox from her, always check in on time if I'm away, etc.) All it takes for her to get into one of her jealousy tiffs is an average looking girl doing something provocative on even daytime TV or G rated movies, and she switches into this rage mode and goes completely silent and won't speak to me for sometimes days, until she cools down enough to talk about it or I end up guessing what the issue is. It's extremely frustrating.
The weird part is, she is absolutely gorgeous, and I've told her an untold number of times. She should be the one other girls are jealous of. I've told her that, too. Perfect body, the most beautiful eyes you can imagine. She says she's never been cheated on, so I don't know where this comes from. It's not an issue of her thinking I'm going to cheat on her, she just doesn't want me to see another human female and even like what I see. If I find another girl even "pretty", it's over.
I know insecurity is probably the underlying cause, but I can't understand what started that. She is VERY over-analytic of everything. She'll stand in front of the mirror for long periods of time tearing herself apart and telling me not to look at all of these "flaws" that I don't see. I admit that I don't compliment her as much as I used to, for the simple fact that she over-analyzes any compliment I give and somehow tries to pull something negative out of it, whether its something about the tone of my voice, or her simply disagreeing with me. It's to the point now where if I'm admiring her, I have to devise some sort of strategy to give her a compliment that can't be twisted and turned around into some sort of disagreement or even an argument. It's like walking on eggshells, or perhaps a minefield. As you can guess, my compliments have dramatically decreased in frequency, thus fueling her insecurity and jealousy.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I love her very much, but lately I feel like I'm not cut out for this sort of thing and maybe I'd be better off alone. I'll never find another girl like her, that much is certain, but at this point it feels like I have no life. I'm afraid to go to movies because they might show a girl in her underwear and things will turn bad. I don't want to go out in public as much because some girl might be wearing some sort of low-cut top. These things were never issues before I was with her, but now when I see something like that I get extremely nervous and just want to turn around and run or hide my head in the sand. My only completely safe zone feels like when we're in bed and I'm reading a book (being careful to block the TV from view in case something comes on that I shouldn't see). When I'm watching TV I keep it on either National Geographic or the History Channel, or the news, because they seem the least likely to show a Victoria secret commercial or movie trailer with a famous actress or something.
I think things have come to a head lately because I've been trying to stand up to this behavior a bit more instead of being submissive like I normally am. I know its making things worse but I really don't know if I can go on like this anymore. Lately she's even said she doesn't believe me sometimes when I get called into work and that I'm going somewhere else, and that when I am texting my friends (all male, theres no way I could ever have a female friend) that I'm actually texting a girl. When this happens I always immediately show her my phone and the texts that I've been sending, and sometimes she'll sit there for an extended period of time going through my phone, which I never object to because I'm not hiding anything, but it gets really annoying and emotionally tiring.
Help me! I"m tired of being accused of things I never did and being made into a liar. I feel bad because she'll cry about how our relationship has been lately and I'm so emotionally drained I just feel numb and hollow and I probably look like an asshole for not crying.
Looks like I failed at keeping this short. Sorry.