For those who missed my lost post about a month ago, here'a an update and also what happened since then. My best friend who I work with, who is both beautiful and lovely. She's in a bad relationship and still is I guess. I work with her and I always spend break time with her, this has lasted for two years. She has told me about her partner and how he treats her ect, telling her how to dress and what to do. He's also not the farther of her kids and also wasn't willing to take up the role.
We started to text each other, and this led me to offering myself to her, I opened my heart to her and gave it a shot. It went well to be honest, she was happy to be with me. She often tested me and I passed them all, she's described are relationship when it started as "a dream come true", she also once told her friend along time ago, before the relationship started... "I really hope Andy falls in love with me", and I did.
We went on Holiday together and spend allot of time watching movies and just enjoying to be together. There was only one bad moment when she said "It's a problem that I don't love you yet" But she has also said "I care about you very much" She's described me as "too beautiful" and "sensitive", "perfect".
She wanted to end everything with her partner so we could live together and start a real full time relationship, and one day she plucked up the courage to do so. This was the time I was foolish and careless, I knew I was taking a risk because we never made a plan at all, I mean there was no place to live yet. So she told him and it went very wrong indeed. It was too much for her to leave him, being with him for 3 years, and the guy met up with me, he now has woken up and changed some of his bad ways, but for how long I don't really know.
Its now got to the point were she's letting me go, kind off. I have still gone to sitt with her at my break time, and she very protective of herself, she gave me some hope last week when she basicly opened up a little, the conversation went like this:
Me: did you find something you didn't like about me?
Her: no, your perfect and sensitive
Me: then I don't understand
Her: I don't understand too
Me: I wont find another girlfriend
Her: Wont or cant?
Me: I wont, I'll wait for you
Her: ok
But this week gave bad news however, she said that "I would get bored of her", she said she's the wrong person for me and she's very bad. She said she wants to prove to herself she can be a good person and be loyal to her partner. She described our situation to the dear john film at the end, when the too characters cant be together but glad to see each other.
I said not to let me go, I said maybe if we were together we would never leave each other, she said "yes maybe Its true".
Today I was in a bad state and texted her telling her I would wait for her, but this time she was upset. Basily she said not to text, and to forget about her. I have pushed her when now is clearly not the right time. Im scared now I have lost her, I got too excited over the fact that she reached out to me slightly over the last two weeks.
We are both very good looking people, she likes that I'm sensitive, bascily I'm perfect to her. However Im probably act too nice, I'm too available and I try to hard.
I want to continue to sit with her on my break times if I haven't already pushed her away. I want to be a guy she can trust without an agenda if its possible. I'm guessing her guy wont make her happy, they have a small chance of staying together. Anyway what am I doing ? because I'm devastated with what's happened. Im scared I have pushed her now and it can't be fixed. We do work together and I always go sit with her, this is the only good thing left. If there was a button that would make her find her prince, a guy she would truly love and who would love her in return then I would push it.
I cant decide if it could be me or not, I want to wait for her because I feel we still have a chance, I'm just afraid I have blown it now, and are friendship.. she was my best friend too. At the moment I would settle for the friend I had..
I'm very sensitive and I have been crying on a daily basis for 6 weeks, feels sometimes that I wasn't enough. I miss her, and very afraid now.