I don't like where the relationship is headed, 2 years in..

[thingyface]

I don't know what to do! She is amazing company and we get along brilliantly as a couple, but every now and again one of us starts an argument and our true selves show. There's an air of resentment afterwards, and we don't speak to each other until one of us apologises, then we get fine again. The problem is, this is happening more in intensity and frequency, too.


I'm afraid of committment too, I think. I'm 19 and she's 20 and she's been talking about us getting married and having kids in years down the line (which I don't like hearing about - maybe I don't want kids with her? :S ). I would like children someday but when she says it, I don't feel good about it at all.


She's a messy drunk, too. Each and everytime we go out and she drinks, she'll get a bit pissed at me because I'm no fun (I don't drink much) and expects sex when we get back home (to either house). She apologises profusely the next day and I always forgive her but it's really getting me down


I'm whipped too. It takes two to tango and I know this and take half of the blame, but it gets too much at times. If we can't do what she wants, she doesn't get happy (like the first paragraph). I end up caving in each and every time!
Little differences like religion pay a part, too. She has said that she won't allow me to be cremated when I die because it's "not nice". I didn't say I wanted cremation but I did mention in passing that I'd prefer it over burial.


I have no social skills anymore. I see my best friend maybe 3-4 times for an hour each night because she's either at mine or I'm at hers until all hours, and on a leash. If I want to go home early, I'm the enemy. Clingyness is a major issue in this relationship
It seems very one sided but I don't doubt my flaws either.

I'm too loose, a pushover and afraid to stand my ground to even talk with the girl about sour issues. I end up fantasising about something majorly bad happening between us, causing a major fight and us breaking it off. I'd love and hate this, and I know it's totally wrong

[bluesummer]

You're young and your relationship is already going south as you start to show your "true selves" to each other. She's talking about marriage and kids and you're not sure if you want commitment right now, or even children with her in the future. She treats you with disrespect and keeps you on a short leash. You fantasize about something bad happening that ends your relationship.

I think I've summarized that correctly. If so, tell me......what type of person would want to be in a relationship like this?

[thingyface]

You're young and your relationship is already going south as you start to show your "true selves" to each other. She's talking about marriage and kids and you're not sure if you want commitment right now, or even children with her in the future. She treats you with disrespect and keeps you on a short leash. You fantasize about something bad happening that ends your relationship.

I think I've summarized that correctly. If so, tell me......what type of person would want to be in a relationship like this?

I know and I agree with you, but now I'm thinking that this stuff doesn't happen always. I'm stuck I think, in an emotional nightmare :S

[sammi_xxx]

Here's my view on it. I WAS the exact same as the girl you are describing. I was a monster to my boyfriend so I completely understand your situation. My advice, just talk to her but remember always say 'I' instead of 'You' You don't want her to go crazy! Stand up to yourself and make your feelings known. Do you love her?

[Andariel]

Try explaining to her how you feel. You need to be careful about how you go about this conversation so that she doesn't feel accused and then you get into a huge fight. Like sammi_xxx suggested, used a lot of 'I's instead of saying 'you do this and you make me feel bad'. For instance, you can say 'I feel really down that I don't get to spend more time with my firends and I want us to find a way that will enable me to do this so that this does not become a problem in our relationshp' instead of saying 'you don't let me spend enough time with my friends and you make my life miserable'! You get the picture...

Also, you are really young to be talking about marriage but you mentioned differing religious views..Is she really religious and feels she needs to get married? If you don't feel ready for marriage then be honest about it. Don't bottle things up inside you because in the end you will explode! ;-) Just be honest and in a nice way tell her this is not something that you can possibly consider right now because you feel too you feel you are too young to be considering marriage.

If she doesn't pay attention after that conversation and keeps behaving the same way towards you and if that makes you so unhappy then there is no point in staying in that relationship.