I told my best friend I like her more than friends

[dantis]

Here's my story..

About 1,5 years ago we came in contact, because she saw me at my work and added me on social media.
We already knew each other vagely for about 10 years, so when we started chatting, we immediately hit it of.
We started dating, and I can say I really fell for her.
When the time came to talk about taking things more serious, like calling it a geniune relationship, she said she had some doubts and commitment issues.
So we never called it that. We kept doing like we did and agreed we'd see how things would work out.
After about 3 or 4 months she told me she didn't have 'those feelings' for me anymore. It hurted like hell and came out of nowhere.
She wanted to remain good friends, but I said I couldn't and needed to take some time to heal. After a while I started to miss her as a friend and the person who she is, so I gave it a try at being just friends.
It took a while to adjust to our new situation, but eventually we became very good friends. Again we agreed we'd see where things would go, and who knows, maybe things would start growing again. It was a good thing to do, because our connection became stronger than it ever was! We talked daily via text, calling and we saw each other almost every day. She'd come to my place (because she lived with her parents again) and watched movies, cuddled on the couch, kissed each other good night and so on.. Let's say we were more intimate than friends normally are. It was like we were in a relationship except without having sex.
During this friendship I never even thought of having more feelings for her (now I know better), so I started dating other girls again (to no avail).
I did so, because she told me multiple times that she regretted that she couldn't get more feelings for me than just friendship, although I was the perfect candidate. So I let that idea go...
Being best friends, we talked about everything, even about my dates. I noticed she reacted kinda jealous, but always wished me luck in pursuing for someone.

Now.. About two weeks ago I told her I had yet another date set up with a girl. This time she didn't react to it at all, but she said she had a date too.
I was really happy for her, and we laughed that we both finally could be finding our luck in love.
After our dates, of course like we always do, we talked about how it went. Mine didn't work out that great (now I know why). I don't mean it failed, we had a great time, clicked right away, but for some reason I held back.
On the other hand, my best friends date went much better. She liked the guy, and agreed on seeing him again.
Again I reacted excited and was happy for her.
Untill she had her second date.. She told me afterwards she liked him alot, had butterflies in her stomach.
She said she believed this could work out.
All of the sudden I felt really bad.. Couldn't sleep, and kept thinking about losing her (at first I thought as a friend).
The way we contacted, texted and interacted changed, everything changed! I lost her!
I came to realise I love her more than just friends. So I told her, I owed it to her. After all, friends can share everything.
She took it well, but was surprised. She never saw it coming, neither did I.. But hey.. I think it was inevitable for one of us falling in love again.
She said she still wants to be friends, but I don't know if I can. We agreed we need some time to process it all. But this is too hard.. Going from seeing each other every day, to no contact at all. And she's not really helping. She keeps sending me messages, she's being very short in her texts, but it keeps reminding me of her. Next week she's having her graduation party and a week after that we're going to the beach and see a musical (it's a gift from me for her graduating). So we'll we alone again for a whole day. I'm really lost at what to do.. Deep down I know she has some sort of feelings for me, but doesn't want to give in to them.. I accept the fact it will never work out, but what should we do now? We both don't want to lose our friendship. We never met someone before, where we have this kinda connection with. Please help!!!

[Mech Mushroom]

Wow! You have one of those complicated relationships that always get made into movies...

It really seems like you've had a really rough road. I myself am in a very complicated relationship as well with a woman whom I love endlessly but I've been forced to move to another country. What we decided to do was become "friends" and it's the toughest thing I've ever done, honestly. So when I tell you I understand what it feels like to be "friends" with someone you love, I really do understand.

Advice for something like this is the hardest.... No matter the situation, it's always somewhat different, and that's always because the situation completely depends on the individuals involved and their personalities as well as the environment they are in. Everything really comes together to decide the events that take place and the outcome of it all. I think the best thing that anyone could give you is really just encouragement.

Others may contradict me, but it's my opinion that there is someone for every soul out there. I don't know if this special lady is the one for you or not, maybe she is maybe she isn't. From the point of view an old man would take, if she's the one, persistence will bring the right end for you. If she's not, then it'll work out some other way.

Something I've come to realize is what true love feels like... It's not something that makes you really giddy all the time, nor is it something that works like that cliché "love at first site". Love is a feeling of commitment, something that you learn to feel, rather than something than "falling in love". When I first started dating the woman I love now, honestly felt only like a fling, a classic "high school crush" kind of deal, but it ended up growing and growing and I found myself caring more about her than my family, as horrible as that sounds. We understood each other so well, unlike anyone I've ever met, friend or family.

Right now, as I previously stated, I can't be with her. As hard as I could try, it wouldn't work out as of this moment. However, life is a mystery, you never know what's going to happen down the road. My deepest hope is that I'll be able to (wait for the cliché) reunite with the one I love and we can live happily ever after till the end of our days. Now my deepest encouragement is this: don't give up now just because things might look hopeless. If this girl is the one you love, you should do what you can to show her that, as long as it doesn't get too much in the way of her and her new date. Respect is a vital part of relationships, and if you get in the way of her path, she's going to walk right around you and you'll only ever be able to watch her walk away. That being said, don't miss your opportunities. If she really considers you her friend, be the best friend you can be. Maybe if her new date doesn't work out, you'll be there just as always and you'll be able to be the comfort that she really needs.

Sorry everything I said is really scattered, this post was really interesting and my mind was at work so fast I couldn't keep up with my typing, haha. Anyways, best of luck to you my friend!

[breathe123]

Hard to remain friends & JUST friendly with an ex love & as I am reading & you typed " cuddled /kissed goodnight" I was like Oh yeah, not at all things JUST friends ever do. Shouldn't set yourself on the same path to heartbreak you walked previously once before. If was me, & I was you in this situation I would not talk about & compared dates with each other, don't do it. You invested in her again in a way that felt romantic & is why you felt sick about her dating. I honestly DO NOT for one second she never saw it coming, she knew you were gathering feelings again. For you it is an issue remaining friends because you want her, for her not as much of an issue since she doesn't feel way you feel. If you don't want to feel hurt, distance yourself until you are more able to be ONLY friends with this girl. GL