Did I ruin my chances? Told him we cant be just friends

[aksy]

I really need genuine opinions. I have been dating this guy for one year. When he started dating both of us were healing from our previous breakup. So we spent a lot of time discussing our feelings and what we felt. He told me then that he had loved once very seriously but then that girl cheated on him and since then he has never felt real love...

Time passed. we grew closer and closer... He was very attentive to me... I had the best time of my life with him... He held my hand in public... however he never called me his girlfriend and never told me that he loves me.. I also never told him that being afraid to be rejected.

Two weeks ago he said he think we need to break up.. as nothing happens, That he loves me and respects me but doesn't feel in love.. He said maybe that will help us understand what we fell better... So we broke up. Two days later he called me to ask how I am. Then we started talking for a week as friends. I told him I cant talk him like tat and that it hurts me. He agreed upon contact. However two days later he called again. I b hoped he was back, but he wasn't.. We started talking as if nothing has happened however he didnt invite em for a a date for a whole week. So Yesterday i told him again that i cant go on like that. It pains me when we talk as friends, that he is important to me. He went angry and said he feels he has done a mistake to call me if it pains me and told me he wild delete me from Facebook. However he didn't.


Did i ruin my chances to get him back one day by telling him i don't want us to be friends and that if he is not with me then i need to move on?>

[smackie9]

No you didn't ruin a chance to be back with him because there wasn't an opportunity there to begin with. He is just emotionally dependent on you...and that isn't being in love. If you find it too difficult to keep in contact, you are the one that has to delete and block his number and FB account. Yes you need to move on. So sorry for your loss.

[smackie9]

Here is an article that might be helpful. http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/facts-about-rebound-relationships-will-it-last-and-can-you-get-back-your-ex/

[namemyname]

One thing I've learned with relationships and men, is to listen to what they tell you up front. This guy told you he wasn't capable of loving someone again. That should have been the cue to split.

When I was younger, I, too, thought I could change a guy. That if he told me he didn't want a relationship, he certainly meant with someone ELSE, but I would be different. Or, if he told me he never wanted to get married again, I'd ignore that, too.

Men are pretty simple when it comes to conveying what they want, and don't.

At this point, I think if he said he's not in love with you after a year, he's never going to be. I DO hope you realize that his inability to love you is all about his issues and limitations, and not your self-worth or lovability.

But, in case he's testing or playing some other game, you need to let him know that you do love him, and cannot be downgraded to friendship status. As long as you allow him to have access to you in any way, he'll never miss you as a potential lover.

So, I would go total no contact. One of two things will happen - either he will realize he needs to do some work and does love you, OR, more likely, you will have moved on and healed yourself. Either way, a win for you.

[michelle23]

i cant stand people who dwell on the past. they are weak. hes basically blaming every female in the world for what ONE did to him and wont allow himself to move on and get the f**k over it. you have already wasted too much time on him.

you should have walked when he told you hes not capable of love. i bet hes one of those idiots who confuses infatuation with love and once the butterfly feelings fade-hes done.

dont be surprised if hes already found someone else. thats generally what it means when someone says "i love you but not "in love" with you. they have it arseways-not realizing that in love feeling is just infatuation for a new crush.

people like this are emotionally immature and weak. your better off without him

[smackie9]

Michelle wtf? The guy was just being honest about how he feels (yes guys do have feelings)...why is it when a guy comes forward with not wanting to go forward with a relationship that he is some rat bastard. The feelings for love didn't happen they didn't happen....it was a rebound relationship and these things happen. Why can't you accept that. You hate men that much that you can't trust a word they say that they are all selfish assholes? What the f uck have you been on? your monthly by any chance?

[michelle23]

smackie you picked up what i was saying arseways. it sounds to me like the ex who cheated was a long time ago-and he still is not over it. doesnt sound like it was his last relationship. could be wrong though..

of course i dont hate men. i just dont like people who stay stuck in the past for years. i was cheated on before, got over it, never lost faith in men coz that was just one guy.

[michelle23]

and i dont think if a guy wants to dump someone it makes him an asshole. the reason i said hes not worth it is coz he said he will never love someone again. so hes gonna allow one b**ch who screwed him around mess up his chances of ever loving and trusting again. to me that is ridiculous and insane

[smackie9]

Michelle they both used each other to heal from their break ups. This was their mistake. I doubt very highly he can't love anyone because of the past. If you read the opening post properly, he didn't use that as an excuse to get out. It was said in one of their many conversations when they were expressing their feelings during their healing process. This does NOT imply the reason why he wanted to break up with her. He honestly told her that he wasn't in love with her. It's obviously he cares deeply for her, and he is having a hard time letting go. It pains him to see her hurt, but what is the point in staying with someone if you are not in love with them?

[smackie9]

Yes it's possible he was in love or he thought he was...but now that it has been a year, the honeymoon period is over, the feelings are not there.....and we all know you can't force someone to have feelings that are not there.

[smackie9]

anyways she brought that up in her opening post because she is trying to find reason for what has happened and that it could be something that could be fixed.

[aksy]

Thank you so much for your opinions. It makes me feel better when i read them as now i feel myself really worthless.... I would just ask you to advice me on thing -- do i increase my chances of him wanting me back by staying friends or by cutting contact?

thank you so much for helping me at this tough moment...

[searock]

Thank you so much for your opinions. It makes me feel better when i read them as now i feel myself really worthless.... I would just ask you to advice me on thing -- do i increase my chances of him wanting me back by staying friends or by cutting contact?

thank you so much for helping me at this tough moment...

I don't think he's going to want you back either way, but I think you should cut contact for your own sake. I'm sorry this happened to you.

[michelle23]

Yes I get that smackie and that is not the reason I made those comments. Those comments were made solely on the basis of him saying at the start that he is not capable of ever loving someone again because he has been hurt before. That was a red flag and she should have ran there and then

OP no contact is the best thing for you but not to try and get him back (he aint coming back) its so you can accept it and move on

Rebound relationships never work. Learn from this-be on your own for awhile until you are over him and dont go out with a guy who is obviously emotionally unavailable again

[aksy]

I have lost my self control and concentration... I dont feel good when I go out, instead I feel more depressed... I want to call him and ask him what he is doing? what do you think?